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Thread: Mirt Diary

  1. #241
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Posts
    72

    Re: Mirt Diary

    How you doing Jomo? its been a while since your last post and I think this a good sign, improvement.

  2. #242
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    463

    Re: Mirt Diary

    I started back on mirtazapine. Last night was my first night so am not feeling great today. I feel I need to try and stick with them though as my insomnia plus anxiety is getting worse. Lack of ability to switch off at night and then taking some zopiclone which only leaves me feeling like death the next day is not a good strategy. If I accept the sleeplessness I feel like death the next day too. So I am trying to accept that I need to take something as none of the therapy strategies work for me and this may be something chemical which I cannot control.

    I took mirtazapine several years ago and was mostly fine on it, but after about 9 months I started feeling run down with flu like symptoms and had to come off it. I am of course worried that the same thing will happen again, but I won't know 'till I try.

    Belle

  3. #243
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    283

    Re: Mirt Diary

    Sorry to hear that Belle - and I wish you the best of luck.

    Apologies for not posting before, but I rarely come on this site anymore, as part of my problem was all my obsessive worrying about "My" anxiety etc, so I am trying just to let it all go...

    I am doing well thanks - still up and down with the sleep but I understand it and have accepted it. Some days my old brain just gets itself feeling unsafe and keeps me awake to protect me. That is fine. It is what it is.

    Anxiety all staying under control - I had my appendix out and 6 weeks of no gym last month but was fine with the whole thing. Just keeping up with the mindfulness and the therapy and all the rest. I think I took Ativan maybe twice in the last 3 months, so that is good. I have learnt that most of my anxiety was coming from low self esteem (i.e. I won't be able to cope with something, hence I get anxious about it). Once I started to learn that I am way tougher and more capable that I give myself credit for, the anxiety really lessened.
    Basically once I was able to realise I could cope with whatever my body threw at me, I was able to just decide to ignore it and get on with my life.
    I no longer worry about needing to "fix" myself, and know from experience there is no magic pill out there that works for me and will make everything easy and perfect. I can cope. I know I will keep on having ups and downs, but that is life. I just have to ride the waves.

    Wishing all of you the best

  4. #244
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    10,689

    Re: Mirt Diary

    What a fantastic post and so very true! It's great to hear that you are doing so well, Jomo and have so much insight into how anxiety "works" and how acceptance and carrying on regardless can be so beneficial when you are no longer searching for that elusive "fix".

  5. #245
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    463

    Re: Mirt Diary

    Quote Originally Posted by anxiousjomo View Post
    Sorry to hear that Belle - and I wish you the best of luck.

    Apologies for not posting before, but I rarely come on this site anymore, as part of my problem was all my obsessive worrying about "My" anxiety etc, so I am trying just to let it all go...

    I am doing well thanks - still up and down with the sleep but I understand it and have accepted it. Some days my old brain just gets itself feeling unsafe and keeps me awake to protect me. That is fine. It is what it is.

    Anxiety all staying under control - I had my appendix out and 6 weeks of no gym last month but was fine with the whole thing. Just keeping up with the mindfulness and the therapy and all the rest. I think I took Ativan maybe twice in the last 3 months, so that is good. I have learnt that most of my anxiety was coming from low self esteem (i.e. I won't be able to cope with something, hence I get anxious about it). Once I started to learn that I am way tougher and more capable that I give myself credit for, the anxiety really lessened.
    Basically once I was able to realise I could cope with whatever my body threw at me, I was able to just decide to ignore it and get on with my life.
    I no longer worry about needing to "fix" myself, and know from experience there is no magic pill out there that works for me and will make everything easy and perfect. I can cope. I know I will keep on having ups and downs, but that is life. I just have to ride the waves.

    Wishing all of you the best
    Great to hear from you Jomo, I always find what you have to say inspirational. I had a feeling your absence from the forum meant you were coping with everything. Also I remember you mentioned in past posts that you don't want to become obsessed with it all, which makes complete sense. I have also gone for months in the past without visiting here. You have done really well to cope what with having to have an operation and everything .. Ouch!

    I think you are on the right track for you when you say you no longer worry about needing to fix yourself and are practicing acceptance around it all. And I have to say that deep down I don't believe that for me there is a magic pill either. I definitely don't want to be on a medication every single day as put simply, I don't feel awful every single day, not even every single week. So I haven't stuck with the mirt, I just took one and felt deep down that it wasn't the way to go. I shared on the zopiclone thread a couple of weeks ago that I had a bit of a melt down and went into panic mode that I cannot cope with either the extreme lows or even the extreme highs of life at times as I get so anxious or extremely overstimulated which causes sleeplessness with the knock on effects from that. As shared in previous posts I take maybe half a zopiclone and then feel even worse the next day, so that's not a good strategy at all.

    Anyway to update, for the past 10 days I have been doing some relaxation exercises and being a little more selfish with my time. I have referred myself to the NHS backontrack team for anxiety and sleep issues. I realize it is quite a basic service, but I feel one will always learn something of use anyway. If I am experiencing difficulties beyond this I can ask to be referred on for therapy. Or I can ask about seeing someone privately.

    I am going to see my brother in another country for a week at the end of next month and was really panicking about feeling overwhelmed by all the talk and catching up, but swung that around to now feeling excited which I always used to feel years ago. I was frightened of feeling out of control in that situation, but will need to be assertive when I start feeling tired or I have had enough of the day. I won't be staying with him, but have a hotel booked which means I will be able to get some space for myself. I think these strategies for want of a better term are healthier than the alternative of pills, for me anyway.

    All the best to you too.

    Belle x
    Last edited by Belleblue; 17-09-19 at 16:50.

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