Day 20! You are on the home run Otterman.
7 hours kip - its your body catching up and great to hear. I don't think you will get stuck on the sleeping tablets, you are too aware about it all, but I am like you, extra cautious. You'd need to do 2 weeks in a row to start needing them. The Nytols I take are an alternative to consider, they are antihistamines. They are not strong, but help me. After a while they stop being so effective so you have to take a bit more. But I cut down for a few nights from time to time, perhaps I will skip one tonight. So keep that up your sleeve as an alternative option. Ask the doc if thats OK.

It sounds like the B&Q thing was tough for you. But hold on to the fact you've been and done those trips millions of times. Reassure yourself. And you've taken on plenty of challenges I am certain. In the end it sounds like you've been doing lots of positive things - decking - fence etc. Take a pat on the back. And soon enough you will be back under control. It only takes a split second of fear and the adrenalin and cortisone hits into the blood, that pumps up the heartbeat and suddenly you can start to feel like 'fight or flight'. It then makes you get anxious and so more goes into the blood, its a vicious circle. I suffered lots over certain situations when I was young and starting my first job. That is why I ended up working for myself. Now that's coming back to bight me I suppose. I wish I knew then what I know now. Even very famous people get panic attacks, they just get used to dealing with it, and with modern meds, it can be tamed. You will learn coping mechanisms. At one point I found flying really challenging, I got so panic stricken and couldn't eat for hours before. Then I would feel extra terrible in the departure lounge and hope I wasn't hemmed in at a window seat. It used to make me feel like I wanted to be sick. What is incredible, I ended up flying all over the world. I never dreamed I would get that beaten, but now I enjoy it. And also I used to hate eating out in restaurants, as I couldn't feel relaxed enough to eat. That too changed. I better keep all this victories in mind as I take on my new challenges.

Well done for holding back on the Blockers. It is good to know they are with you if things feel like you are losing control.

You take care Otterman, and whatever happens tonight, you know you can cope tomorrow.
Good you had some proper food. Food is our friend. It can lift spirits for sure.

When you see the doctor, don't hold back. Tell him/her its unbearable and ask if there is anyway you can be prioritised. I am sure that you will benefit from getting expert help. Panic attacks come for a reason. They will help you understand what that is, and why it is not your fault. They will show you ways to calm yourself. That is all positive.

I had a really difficult day. I think its because Im used to working long hours and keeping busy. Ive done that day in day out most of my life. Suddenly there is little for me to do and so I hang around at home alone. I end up on the sofa. I can't seem to face doing what I should be at the moment. I can be quite strict with myself. I can't let myself avoid what needs doing for too much longer. But I will give myself some time to lick my wounds. My day gets better around 4pm when the working day slows down, and I dont feel so guilty about not working. Anyways, its a battle. But onwards and upwards.
Take care and I will watch out for your updates.