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Thread: anxiety has taken over

  1. #171
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    107

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hi Rad,
    Sounds like you have finally exorcised your biggest demon by getting rid of the troublesome client, at least you now know exactly where you stand, which is a good thing and you can move forward which by the sounds of it is exactly what you have done, give yourself a pat on the back.
    Sorry to here about your partners mum, its very distressing for the entire family when someone you all care about has dementia, it has to be the cruellest mental illness there is.
    I have almost completed my fence project, it turned out to be a bigger job than i first thought.
    Nothing to report on the job front, i have applied for quite a few but with no luck thus far, not that vi'm all that bothered at the moment. I will try in earnest in april when the new tax year starts.
    I have bought the wife a horse lol, she deserves it after what she has put up with over the last 8 months, so now shes away looking after it every spare minuet she gets, and bless her shes loving it.
    I have been spending so much time with the dogs i become an honorary pack member dlol.
    If you do find a property to renovate and you need some cheep labour im free lol, joking aside i think that is a very good plan and there is still money to be made, also i think you really enjoy the hands on stuff.
    I,m still taking my meds and will be for some time, don't want to go back to the dark place.
    Wishing you all the best with whatever life brings you, and please keep in touch.
    You friend Otters.

  2. #172
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    100

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hi Otters. Iíve been thinking of you. How is life going? I kept wanting to send a note but lifeís continued to be extremely busy at my end. Iím so late now with my tax but hope Monday it will all be done 8 weeks late! The bully client has not responded to my emails re our contract. Iím debating whether to go to court. I do miss that work but Iíve continued to get new leads in through word of mouth. I never dreamed Iíd be earning a crust again. Iíve been designing a new website and have another lined up. How is your job hunting going? I think u said u would wait til spring. My sisters dogs over for the night again. I simply canít believe the way I feel again. Iím staying on the meds for longer for sure.
    Best,
    Rad

  3. #173
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    107

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hi Rad,
    Its good to here from you my friend, even better that you are doing so well again. Your work seems to give you your driving force, and you are picking up momentum by the sounds of it. You have turned what was a vicious circle of doom and gloom on its head, turned all the negatives into positives and ground your way back into the game, so well done and give yourself a big pat on the back from me.
    I have had a few interviews but nothing has come of them as yet, i keep but i think my age may now be going against me.
    We seem to have survived the first winter int he van without any real hardship, im looking forward to the spring and nature coming back to life,all the fields round here will be full of new born lambs in the next two weeks, wonderful to see.
    Enjoy the company of your sisters dog, they really are mans best friend, and i would have been lost without my two hairy buddies lol.
    Take care, and don't loose touch,
    All the best wishes, your friend Otter's..

  4. #174
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    100

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Dear Otters,

    I haven’t been in touch for a bit but I’ve often wondered how you are getting on. You mentioned the lambing was coming. That must be special. We had that incredibly warm spell in Feb, but the subsequent weeks have been cold, wet and windy in London. Today has been warm and sunny. I pumped up my rather flat bike tires and went for a ride along the river with my daughter and partner. It was crowded but nevertheless energizing. I went for a beer with 2 friends who’ve been mates for about 35 years. £5.40 for a Guinness is what we pay around here. Shockingly bad value. We found the perfect pub... quiet enough to talk. Busy but a table free. I had a steak and it was the best for a while. The simple pleasure of conversation and a pint is makes me happy.

    The warm sun reminded me of that incredibly hot summer last year. How we struggled and battled through the most terrible anxiety and in my case feeling of hopelessness. In contrast I was willing on the prospect of the summer.

    I’m still in demand work wise as I write this. It is coming to an end but some small work is lined up and my fear is controlled. I feel I can deal with life. But I am also aware fears can return and the brain chemistry go bad. So I am continuing to take the meds.

    I’m determined to take the chance to work on my home should things go quiet. I moved in about 16 years ago, since then have wanted to fit a new kitchen and revamp the garden which is tiny. And spend time with my mum. I must learn not to feel helpless and worthless. I’m privileged to have savings and be in a lovely area. Although there was a stabbing a few roads away and the man died. London is full of this. I wish the police would be allowed to search these kids and prevent the deaths.

    Anyway my eyes are closing as I type on my mobile. Sending positive thoughts to my partner in a challenging episode of life.

    Keep well Otters, enjoy spring and keep me posted. Cheers!

    Rad1
    Last edited by Rad1; 26-03-19 at 21:23.

  5. #175
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    107

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hi Rad,
    Things sound settled for you at the moment which is good news. Its nice that you have old friends that you can enjoy a pint with and a meal, i miss most of my friends now i have moved up here, but still stay in touch, and the monthly visits back to Yorkshire keeps my morale up.
    Spring seems to have come and gone again up here, although its been dry for the main part this week its still cold, and doesn't seem too long ago that we where snowed in for the second time.
    I do enjoy the summer, but i pray to god we don't suffer the heat we did last year as it was unbearable with everything else we where going through at
    that time.
    Remember when i said to you i would leave it until April to find a job? Well i start work next week, its a complete career change for me a i'm going to be a care assistant. Travelling round my local area helping old and vulnerable people, i start next monday and its a couple of weeks training. My wife thinks i'm mad as do quite afew of my family and friends, but i think i will find it very rewarding and relish the thought of been able to help people, i may not be saying that in a couple of weeks, but i feel i have to give it a go.

    Had afew problems with my dog smudge, he used to be so good off the lead but recently hes taken to running off, have managed to get him back each time, but the last time he was gone for over two and a half hours. Fortunately one of the other dog walkers i know spotted and caught him on there way home 3 miles from the wood where i was. Thank god for good people hey. So from now on its the lead for him, until i sort a tracking device out for his collar.
    Apart from that things are going ok up here in the far north, keep in touch, its always great to here from you.
    All the best wishes in the world, your pal Otters.
    Last edited by otterman; 27-03-19 at 23:14. Reason: Spelling

  6. #176
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    100

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hi Otters my friend.

    I was really pleased to hear about your new job. I know a little about that role as I did a website for a company providing care to people at home. It is quite incredible work to do. As people get older and less mobile, they often become isolated. And life gets harder, getting dressed, eating a decent meal etc. Getting a visit is a godsend. I also know that such work is quite demanding and time pressured. I hope it is all working out well for you. I take my hat off to you for giving it a go, and its a sign that you are in a good way.

    I also hope smudge is behaving and there are no more runners.

    It is still pretty short-term my new projects. Luckily as one door closes another one opens. It is not reliable and I got a little shock at how my reserves are diminishing. But the meds seem to keep me calm and I reckon I have come a long way in the past 8 months. I am going to be positive about finding new clients.

    Gosh my girl is growing fast. She will be 8 in May. She is a right bookworm unlike me. I struggled as I am dyslexic. It used to take me twice as long to read a book as others. In the end I earn money from writing We also bought a piano and its magical hearing her practising - even if the most basic of tunes. Actually my partner knows a couple of beautiful pieces and what a pleasure that is. The piano is a bit out of tune, its old form a charity shop. I have a feeling it can't be tuned without lots of repair work. I like having regardless!

    Today it got warm and sunny. I sat by the river and in contrast to the weekend it was quiet and peaceful. Listening to the birds singing and watching ducks diving for food 'grounded' me. I've not done any meditation this year, but at least I made time to get out and relax.

    Wishing you well Otters. Keep in touch.

    Rad

  7. #177
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    107

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hi Rad,
    Long time since i was last on the site, life's been a bit frantic over the last couple of weeks.

    The caring job i told you about didn't work out in the end, i only did it for a day, but to be fair i was was thrown straight in at the deep end. I was expected to
    give care to an old lady on my own after one days training, the poor woman couldn't do anything for herself and they were just half hour visits four times a day, i had to administer her meds but had no training, wash feed and do housework, impossible in half an hour.
    It has opened my eyes as to the state the care industry is in! its a disgrace the government spends so little on care for the elderly, top and bottom of it i
    tried but failed.
    I'm now travelling down yorkshire and staying down there three nights a week helping my son in law restoring old furniture, its hands on and hard work for little pay. The bonus for me is that i get to see my family and have tea with my daughter and grand kids every night, then its back to my ex business partners house for the night. Its all hectic but fun.
    Smudge ran off last week for the last time, 3 hours i was driving round looking for him, i ended up finding him by chance out side a remote cottage on the end of a woman's lead who found him in her back garden. So thats it for him, hes banned from running free, unlike Jess who always comes back.
    I hope your business is thriving as i'm sure it is, the piano sounds like a good thing, i love music especially my guitar. You said it was out of tune? well i remember watching a program on tv, a school had bought a second hand piano that was out of tune, when the guy turned up to tune it they found about 200 grands worth of gold sovereigns stashed inside it lol.
    Like i say im sorry about my late reply, please keep in touch.
    All the best wishes in the world, your friend Otters.

  8. #178
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    100

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Otters itís good to hear from you. Its a real eye opener re the care job. How difficult for you and shocking. There must be so many struggling. The furniture thing sounds quite tough but being around family is a blessing. Good for you Otters. Keep going and also take some time to relax and enjoy the countryside. Smudge is a rascal, how worrying and draining for you.

    Iím ticking along, and work is still coming my way. Strangely a company I pitched on and didnít win two years ago agreed to see me and I made a fantastic set of ideas for their advertising (if I say so myself!). I hope it leads to greater things. This year Iím harping back to when it all kicked of fir me 12 months ago. The hell, the lack of hope, the heat, the side effects of the meds. Iím relishing being free of that hell and determined to enjoy the beautiful nature around me this year.

    As soon as work drops off I will use time to do up my house. I want to fit a new kitchen and flooring and built in wardrobes. Iíve found interesting furniture being chucked away too. An expensive round mirror and coffee table. I grew up looking at content of skips. My dad and I would find amazing architectural salvage and drag it home. A few years back I found an ornate metal jardinier, someone had cleared their cellar. I cleaned it up and showed Christieís auction. They sold it for £450!

    My partner treated us to 2 nights away in a b&b, just returned. Went to the New forest. Really special and many memories were made.

    I will write again soon.
    Thinking of u and hope things are good.
    Best, Rad

  9. #179
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    107

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hi Rad,
    It must have been a couple of months since i read your last message, its good that you are doing well and the work is still coming in.
    I felt compelled today to speak to you, the heat brought back last summers nightmare when we where both going through the same hell, and although it
    seems like a lifetime ago i will never forget all the support you gave me at that time, so thank you.
    Im doing four days a week now back down in yorkshire, the furniture thing is slowly picking up to the point where i think i am breaking even lol. Its not about making
    money anymore for me, last summer has changed my priorities completely. I'm happy to just live now, and tend to just take every day as it comes, i'm not saying i never worry, i do but nothing like i did when i was at the very bottom last summer.
    Its been red hot today up here, even worse for you in london i expect! Smudge and jess are suffering from the heat quite a bit, i have the fans on in the caravan and put cold wet towels down for them to lay on, but its impossible when it hits 35 degrees.
    I'm back at the doctors in the morning, nothing to do with my mental state, i seemed to have developed and thing called trigger finger, its to do with all the vibrating power tools i have been using over the past 3 months. I guess my old body's not up to it anymore lol, i just need to know if they can treat it? if not i
    will just have to soldier on!!
    Hope you get this message and your doing good, i would love to here what you have been up to.
    All the best wishes, your friend Otterman..

  10. #180
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    100

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Quote Originally Posted by otterman View Post
    Hi Rad,
    It must have been a couple of months since i read your last message, its good that you are doing well and the work is still coming in.
    I felt compelled today to speak to you, the heat brought back last summers nightmare when we where both going through the same hell, and although it
    seems like a lifetime ago i will never forget all the support you gave me at that time, so thank you.
    Im doing four days a week now back down in yorkshire, the furniture thing is slowly picking up to the point where i think i am breaking even lol. Its not about making
    money anymore for me, last summer has changed my priorities completely. I'm happy to just live now, and tend to just take every day as it comes, i'm not saying i never worry, i do but nothing like i did when i was at the very bottom last summer.
    Its been red hot today up here, even worse for you in london i expect! Smudge and jess are suffering from the heat quite a bit, i have the fans on in the caravan and put cold wet towels down for them to lay on, but its impossible when it hits 35 degrees.
    I'm back at the doctors in the morning, nothing to do with my mental state, i seemed to have developed and thing called trigger finger, its to do with all the vibrating power tools i have been using over the past 3 months. I guess my old body's not up to it anymore lol, i just need to know if they can treat it? if not i
    will just have to soldier on!!
    Hope you get this message and your doing good, i would love to here what you have been up to.
    All the best wishes, your friend Otterman..
    Dear Otters,

    Here I am! Still going strong my Mate Otters. I enjoyed summer- a total contrast to the previous year when We shared our nightmare. Work has kept coming in, something I never expected as you know. But funny enough today I got dumped by a client as they are in financial trouble. I hope they can pay up, but regardless Iím back on my feet. Iíve been busy outside of work too. I bought a hardwood conservatory on eBay, and also a kitchen. Both lovely and I intend fitting them on my home when things slow down. I intend keeping busy if things dry up. Iím good with my hands and figure I can add value to my home without splashing too much and I will get pleasure at the same time. Iíve saved up earnings on the new work and went on a holiday to Croatia which was beautiful. Sadly my partners mum died so we had to cut it short and get back. Other horrible news is a family member has asbestos related cancer. Non curable and probably exposed as a kid at his school 45 years ago. So been around meeting doctors and helping him to figure the best treatment option. Thereís a few research options including surgery which is horribly brutal. 4 doctors on weíve found a fantastic doctor who is primarily interested in the patient rather than recruiting a guinea pig. On top, a good mates mum died so just back from another funeral. Iím taking pressure off my shoulders and easing off the worry. Oh and to cap this summer another relative who stayed had a major heart attack! Got an ambulance and he had a stent fitted at 4am, me in the waiting room. This saved him, heís early 40s!

    More to say but thatís enough for now. And whatís the latest for u Otters? I often wonder how u r. I feel we are veterans who went through the most horrible war together. The desperate days and sleepless nights were hell. Sending you lots of positive energy and best regards.
    Rad

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