anxiety has taken over

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman,

The feelings mutual. You have been supportive to me too and each night I've looked forward to seeing how you are doing and sharing my moments, however difficult they have been. That's been priceless. We may not have met face to face, but we've been on a very tough journey together. My god we have. And sharing that has kept me going. I've also enjoyed our banter. So I thank you too.

The journey is not over for either of us. But I believe the medication has done what we doubted on many occasions. Im so glad to be out of that torment and misery. It is great what you have lined up tomorrow. And I believe you are going to enjoy that very special get together. Having a cheque from the revenue is a boost, and your wife's pay rise is also something to ease worry. I feel calmer for now as I am busy with work and can look forward to covering some bills without eating into my savings. I've been at my computer today until 8.45. I will push on over the weekend too. I am going to do my best to keep everyone happy. The work is actually energising me not draining me like the anxiety did. Who knows what is around the corner with work? Its likely some quiet times. But I will live in the moment for now and feel that all those little steps are getting me back on track.

Earlier today I went out to walk the dog. I realised I had locked myself out! Usually I call my partner or sister, but they are both away. Ive said to myself these past days, be extra careful not to do that! Anyway, luckily the 1st floor window was open. I borrowed a ladder from my neighbour and got in. So perhaps we both have guardian angels watching out for us. I have another neighbour who is a good person. Him and his wife know Im on my own right now. Anyway, his daughter brought me a plate of home made pie and veg over tonight. How thoughtful is that? I really enjoy connecting with people, and as well as that, I've made plenty of friends with other dog walkers these past days. I keep bumping in to them along the river path which is outside my house. Its a real community.

Take care,
Rad1

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
Late tonight, had a great time catching up with family and
friends, had a bit too much to drink lol first time for ages I have let my hair down
will fill you in on all the details of my dayy
tomorrow, I’m no good on my phone. Hope you have
had a good day.
Speak soon,
All the best wishes, Otterman .

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
I would have paid good money to watch you breaking into your own home We have all done it at some point. It sounds like you have some very nice neighbours down there, and a community spirit you dont find very often nowadays.
Its good that you have the money coming back in to cover the bills, that in itself must be so reassuring for you, and give you such peace of mind.
I think on the whole we are both coming out the other side now, although we do still have an uphill climb, its not the mountain that it was. I admire you for the way you have bounced back, from all that negativity, you should be congratulating yourself.

My weekend has been a good one, last night as you may of gathered i had maybe a few too many beers, it doesn't take much with me, i'm a bit of a lite weight when it comes to having a drink. Had a great evening and met a couple of new people too, the food was great, and i was my old self for the evening, great food and company.
Went to see my daughter today, and got seconded into helping the son in law take a van load of antique furniture down to his lock up. Spent a couple of hours with the grand kids, and then back home to relieve the dog sitter(my daughter in law) its nice to go away but its always nice to get back home.
Well all the weight i lost over the last two months is more or less back on now, don,t know if that's good or bad, i will have to knock the pork scratching's on the head,think i am addicted to them at the moment.
I bet you have had a really productive weekend without too many distractions, and the company of your sisters dog.
Look forward to hearing from you.
All the best wishes, Otterman.

[Rad1]

HI Otterman,

Yes it is an amazing change we've both made. I am so pleased you had a wonderful night, it is so important to have those good times and realise that they will continue. Read back on our posts, and the contrast is incredible. I am fairly lightweight on the beer, but strangely can cope with wine. I too like a pork scratching. I also love chicken skins and duck, if its crispy. My weight is beginning to come back too. It is amazing how the excessive worrying takes it off you.

Sunday I cleaned for hours. My sister's 2 offices, she will be back tomorrow. Took her dog along and every time the hoover went he did a runner to another room. Then I went home and cleaned my bedroom top to bottom. A deep clean. It took about 2.5 hours. Feet up early and relaxed. Today Ive been working at my business things. So much to do still, but I hope to catch up tomorrow. (I keep saying that). I must do as I have 2 meetings to be ready for on Wednesday.

Anyway, not much else to report except I had some nice dog walks again along the river and met lots of people. It really is a wonderful ice-breaker.

Catch up tomorrow. I hope you had another good day.
Rad1

[otterman]

Evening Rad,
A bit late for me tonight, to be honest i just lost track of time today.
I still keep waking up at almost bang on 6.30 every morning in a cold sweat, i dont know what thats all about anymore, and to be fair i can live with it, im sure even that will disappear given time.
Had to make an emergency appointment for the wife today, her asthma was really bad, the doctor has put her on steroids that will hopefully help her to breath better.

Your likes food wise sound very similar to my own, its the things that are bad for me i enjoy the most,and the skin on a chicken is definitely the best bit.
Strangely the only part of jacket potatoes i enjoy is the skins, especially when they are crunchy.

Not been a bad day today, just a little on the boring side, my wife let me do some scanning and emailing for her, it all helps make her job a little easier, and now she seems to think im working for her lol.
Tomorrow i'm building a scaffolding tower up at my son in laws, not sure what its for as of yet, but i'm sure i will get to know tomorrow. Should keep me out of trouble for a while.
I too have read our early messages, and its hard to imagine we are those same two people.
Catch up tomorrow.
All the best wishes, your friend Otterman.

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman,
I hope all went well with your wife at the Dr.

The sweating thing is very likely a side effect. I suffered in the first 5 weeks then it stopped. I recall my mattress cover had my outline on it! Too much info

I worked pretty hard today so I’m ready for my meetings tomorrow. I have 2. I walked The dog a few times and tonight he was collected. That’s another 18 days passed. I loved him pestering me this morning to lift him on my bed. He curled up by my feet. And I will miss him sitting under my desk for hours while I work, snoring. It’s been really good looking after him, and no answering back

I’m out tomorrow night with some friends I see once or twice a year. My partner sound unhappy as her mum is really getting worse with her dimentia. She’s so very confused, to the extent she packed her bags ready to go home, but she was at home.

Catch up weds or Thurs.
take care,
Rad1

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
Sorry to hear about your partners mum, it must be awful for you both, dementia is such a cruel disease.
Hope all goes well with your meetings tomorrow, and you come away with some more work under your belt, which i am sure you will.
Being as you enjoy looking after your sisters dog so much, maybe you should consider having one of your own,you could maybe adopt one, there's thousands out there waiting for a good home..
I know what you mean about the sweaty matres, mine looks like the turin shroud every morning
The wifes breathing is getting better thanks to the steroids, hopefully she won't have to be on them long term.
I managed to build the scaffolding tower with my son in law, was at it for four hours, im getting really unfit, its the first time in weeks i have come home and gone to bed and actually slept for at least an hour.
Good luck again for tomorrow, it will be a piece of cake for you i sure.
Catch up soon,
All the best wishes,your friend Otterman.

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
Don't know weather i have been fed up or depressed today, bit of a strange one and thats for sure.
Went up to the son in laws to help him put the mast back on his boat he has just sold, hes the same age as me, but has to use a stick and has all sorts of medical problems due to an accident he had about 6 years ago, he managed to run over himself twice with his own tractor..(long story) Anyway, the boat is on a trailer and he got on the back of it and decided to start giving it a mop down, i told him the front end was coming off the ground but he didn't listen, the next thing the boat has tipped up, hes fallen out over my shoulder and landed on his back on top of a motorbike trailer. I thought he was dead! It was awful and seemed to happen in slow motion, i tried to catch him and the boat at the same time, eeh gods. He's not dead but really hurt his arm, we thought it was broken buy xrays proved it to be just bad bruising.
The whole incident really shook me up, and for the first time in a couple of weeks i had really anxious thoughts.
It took me a good while to get the boat back on the trailer on my own just using two ratchet straps, and a great deal of effort but managed it.
Came home and took dogs for a long walk in the woods, that cleared my head and i was fine by the time i got back home.
Hope your doing ok on your own, and your meetings went well on wednesday..
All the best wishes, your friend Otterman.

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman,

Sounds terrifying. Thank god it wasn’t worse. I’ve been hectic. Meetings went well, and I’ve enjoyed a beer out 2 nights in a row. I will write more tomorrow as it’s late. I hope you start tomorrow on good form.
Regards, Rad

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman,

I hope you are feeling better today. It really isn't surprising you felt shocked and traumatised. I hope your son in law is better. Today Ive been working like a dog. I was writing an article which was complex. I had to cover so many points. I spent around 6 hours on it. I will finish it up tomorrow. I went in to the client to do it, just 3 of us there. I dont think he fully understood why it was taking so long to write, and neither did I too be honest.

Looking forward to hearing how your weekend is going.

Best, Rad1