anxiety has taken over

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
Sounds like you are almost back to top form, but you must remember you are still going through the healing process, that may be why it took you longer than you were expecting to write the program. Things will start clicking into place soon enough, don't beat yourself up too much, it sounds like everything is going well for you at the moment and you are mega busy. But try and take it one thing at a time, easy for me to say as i'm a man of leisure at the moment, although you wouldn't believe it with all the jobs i keep having to do
The son in law is fine, just some nasty bruises. He's at a UB40 concert tonight with the daughter in law, so hopefully they will be having a good time. Not my cup of tea i'm more of a rock fan.
Had a petty good weekend on the whole, went to our grand daughters first birthday party yesterday, i ate far too much, but couldnt resist all the quiches and corned beef pie, not to mention the sandwiches and home made cakes, i felt sick on the way home.
At this rate i will have to go on a diet.
Woke up this morning at 6.30 in the usual manner covered in sweat, nodded back off and didn't wake back up until after ten, must be a record for me. Did some of the usual gardening, dog walk and made a sunday roast for me and the wife, full leg of lamb from tescos for a tenner, we will be having it until wednesday lol.
So this week is the calm before the storm,the week after its all systems go to move down to the caravan, plastic shed still hasn't turned up for the washer and dryer, but theres a washing machine on the site we can use until we get sorted.
Anyway thats enough of my rambles for one night, hope you have had a good weekend.
All the best wishes, your friend Otterman.

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman,

I suspect we are both writing at the same time. I hope you've had a good couple of days. I saw the website was offline last night. I'm still working non-stop. Today I was at my desk at 8 am and stopped around 8.30 pm. Productive time but still have so much to do this week. I've not been out more than 15 mins each day, I take a cuppa and sit on the wall near my house that overlooks the Thames. I finished the article in the end and the client loves it, so worth the extra effort. At last I booked a holiday in Italy. I leave Saturday morning, linking up with my partner and daughter en route. for 1Actually its not far from the terrible flash flood that I think tragically killed people. How sad, especially when children are involved. I dont feel good about blowing money, but I do think I deserve it after all my effort at work through the year. And my partner seems to need it. Ive not had much time to think about things for the past 2 weeks, but I still have my worries bubbling under the surface. I keep telling myself to live in the moment. Im busy with work although its not a big earner. However its given me purpose and every penny is welcome. I've managed to work my way through the contents of my fridge. Ive not shopped for ages. Its amazing what you can throw together. I roasted a chicken, ate it with roast parsnips (found a bag at the bottom of the veg box) and spuds. Stuffed an onion in it and it came out perfectly. I enjoy the parsons nose as a treat. I had reheated leftovers, then chicken sandwiches and boiled the bones to make a wonderful soup. Enough for 2 servings. Its amazing how I made that last.

How are you getting on? Any luck with finding a tenant to take over from your rented house?
Are you still getting ready for the big push? Congratulations to your 1 y/o grandchild. What a special moment. I wonder what she will get to see in her lifetime. I hope its of good times and a peaceful world.

Look after yourself Otterman,
Rad1

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
Had some problems myself trying to get back on the site, gave up in the end, but all seems to be well now.
If anyone deserves a break away from it all its you, you have worked so hard to get back on track, if i could i would shake your hand. Go on your holiday and enjoy every minuet of it, your partner and daughter will be glad to spend time with you too.
There have been some bad storms and flooding all over Europe the last couple of days but it seems to be calming down a bit now the heat wave has broke.
Yes we are all go for the move next week, unfortunately there has been little interest or should i say no interest in this this place as far as a new tenant goes.
The new PLASTIC shed is coming next week so the washer and dryer can go back under cover, can also get the fridge freezer down there.
I have had a funny couple of days, the anxiety seems to be just around the corner waiting for its chance to step back in, and i have been overthinking things again, probably down to the imminent life style change.
Im keeping myself busy, mowed the lawn today, a task in itself. Boxed a load of stuff up, took the dogs down to the woods, and poor smudge has cut his paw! i cleaned it and put some antiseptic cream on, then taped one of my old socks on for good measure, hes making the most of the attention
I am back down Yorkshire this weekend for another bbq at our friends, so will be dropping in on family again,i'm looking forward to it.
How long are you away for? think you should be having a month a least
Hope today has been kind to you, and as always look forward to hearing from you.
All the best wishes, your friend Otterman.

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman,

Its nice to read your words of support and encouragement. My holiday is 10 days and its all paid so I will allow myself to enjoy the time. We are going to Calabria close to where the flash flood killed 10 or so people a few days ago. Its tragic, so many disasters this year. Although the story of those kids in Thailand who were rescued from the cave was lifting. Ive had my nose to the grindstone. Today I worked from 9am until 11.15pm with a small break for lunch and dinner. I am trying hard to complete things before I head off. I've promised so much to so many.

It really is such a shame about there being no interest from potential tenants to hand over to. Did the owner ever respond? Surely worth one more try if not. The bbq sounds like something to look forward to. It is good to be looking forward to it. Poor smudge, I hope he gets better fast. Sounds painful. But I have to say that when you told me he was wearing one of your old socks it made me laugh. I am going to share that with my daughter who will love the story.

It seems that we are both still vulnerable at the moment. We've come a long way and hopefully the meds will keep us on the straight and narrow as we face lifes changes. Take care Otterman, have a good day tomorrow and give a pat to smudge.
Best,
Rad1

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
I think i have just spent the most boring day of my life, highlight was a short drive into bishop auckland to collect a dress for the wife.

Smudge somehow managed to eat the sock during the night, he must have as its nowhere to be found..The good thing about a pair of socks is they come in two's lol. He now is wearing the other one.
Couldn't even go out for our walk today as i have to keep his paw clean and dry, boy have i been getting some looks from the pair of them

Thats a great part of Italy you are visiting, not too many tourists down in the toe end, the nearest i have been was Sicily about 6 years ago, mount Etna had erupted two days before we arrived and there were piles of ash along the road side like black snow drifts, it was fascinating to go up the mountain in the cable car and see the volcanic activity first hand.
Im sure you will have a great time, enjoy it because you have earned it. It will still be very hot over there i expect at this time of the year. I had to put the heating on up hear this afternoon, winter is coming lol.
Hope your day has been good and you have managed to hit some of your goals.
All the best wishes, your friend Otterman.

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman,
Hope smudge is better otherwise you will be out of socks befor long . Collecting a dress a highlight, oh dear. I think my trips shopping with my partner are amongst the most boring. She takes forever and often I’m sitting in the car waiting. Yes it’s cool tonight in London. I put the thin duvet on my bed, still felt cold in the night. I’m just packed and ready to leave early. I’ve been asked to take extra things for my partner and daughter, half a case in the end! They’ve already got a large and cabin size case. I got some money I was owed by the problem client today. It’s a total bonus. It could very possibly be th last, but I expected to be axed 3 months ago, without a penny. In the end I’ve got what was owed and a further lump. It’s flipping great. I’ve been feeling guilty about splashing out for the holiday and this will cover it. I went up mount Etna too about 9 years ago. I never forget watching this young Russian lady walking up hill in the rocks and ash. She was in stilettos and white trousers. Not exactly appropriate and she found it tricky not to sink down each step. Her mum and dad were with her. The heavens opened up to make it worse. Huge hailstones some as big as grapes. I’ve worked myself hard again today, and will definitely need to catch up on the plane and coach. Anyway it’s past 1am and I’m up at 6.15, so better get some rest.
All the best Otterman and I will login from Italy soon.
Rad1

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
I presume you have reached your destination by now! Hope you had a good trip and collected your partner and daughter successfully. Best that you over do it on the relaxation front, too much rest will never kill you I think most of the storms over Italy have dissipated. You should have some good weather, it will be like been back in London a couple of weeks ago, don't forget to keep hydrated and slap the cream on
If i know you, you will probably be sneaking a bit of work in here and there too..

I have had a good day today, started moving stuff in earnest now, good news from the letting agency, there's someone coming to look at the bungalow on tuesday, so fingers crossed they will take it on.
Smudge ate yet another sock last night, well he chewed this one to bits and left it all over the room, his paw looks much better but if its still bothering him next week it will be an expensive trip to the vets.

I think its great that you have managed to go on your holiday and been paid for that job you did, maybe you will still get some more work from them! never say never..

Hope to hear from you if you get a chance,
All the best wishes, your friend Otterman.

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
Hope the holidays going well and you are doing lots of nothing with your partner and daughter.
Its all go here at the moment, we had the couple come to view the house this morning and the estate agents have rang to say they want it! looks like we may be off the hook as far as the contract goes.
I went this morning to pick the trailer up from my son in laws this morning to find it had two flat tyres and they had gone out for the day, sometimes i'm literally lost for words..
Decided to just move it all down bit by bit in the car's.
I had a good sunday down in yorkshire with our friends and had a good catch up, called in to see my mum and my son, all good.

My sleep problems seem to have come back, its taking a couple of hours before i can drop off, i think it will sort itself out once we get settled in down there.
Let me know how your break is going when you get chance.
All the best wishes, Otterman.

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman,
I’ve had terrible internet here. But it’s proven by to be a fantastic break for me. I’ve put my worries away for a bit. Calabria is not fashionable which suits me down to the ground. People are friendly and prices are really reasonable. I am the only Englishman in the hotel. A few Germans who’ve been extra friendly and an Ausi family and the rest Italians. We arrived and it was stormy, but it’s settled down now, today on the beach was bliss. I’m not one for heat, but it’s been far nicer than the heatwave we had in the UK! Anyways, I taught my daughter to snorkel today which was memorable. She saw little fish in the sea. I won’t say any more, except I’m enjoying every moment blood of it all. I hope you are doing ok and am so pleased that you may have a replacement tenant to take over. I hope smudge is better, and u r keeping balanced. I will try and update soon, but I’m back Tuesday night if I can’t.
Best,
Rad1

[al_pk]

SSRIs were the start of my horror. It won't go as badly as it did for me for everyone but a rough ride to start with is common.