anxiety has taken over

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman, I hope you get better quickly. It sounds tough to clear up at the bungalow even if you are well. I’ve started to feel happier again. I’m sure to have tough days and must ride them out. But it was a little reminder how desperate I felt not long ago. It scared me. We’ve had warm weather for the past couple of days here. Lifted me to get out of the house for a walk. I must get a dog, looking after my sisters dog for two weeks in the summer was good for my soul! Your comment back then.
Take care Otterman and pull in some help from friends and family, u deserve it.
Best, Rad

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
Sounds like you had a bit of a blip that's all, i wouldn't worry about it too much, i still have moments, mainly first thing on a morning but nothing much.
I think you getting a dog would be an excellent idea, they give unconditional love and loyalty, unless your a border collie named Jess who happened to bugger off in the woods for an hour yesterday She came back in the end but must have been down a fox hole or something, she was absolutely filthy. Thought i was going to die running round whistling and shouting, its hard to breath as it is with this man flu as the wife calls it
Got a professional cleaner coming to the bungalow tomorrow to clean the carpets and the whole house from top to bottom, i hate paying but im exhausted.
The weather up here is back to normal, i think it has been raining for the last 24 hours solid, i think it will be all change for you in the south over the next couple of days too!
Winter is coming! i can feel it in my bones
Enjoy your weekend my friend, and will catch up when possible.
All the best wishes, Otterman.

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman,

Just a very quick note to say hi and I’m thinking of you. I hope the cleaning went well at the bungalow and that you are feeling better too. I’m still full on and managing to catch up with work bit by bit. Tonight I took partner and daughter to a restaurant. Last time we went I was worried sick about every penny. I was 100% happy tonight. I enjoyed collecting my daughter from school and we had a little warm sun then managed to do some writing, then on the spur of the moment I decided to treat us all. It was delicious and there was live low key jazz in the background. My daughter looked beautiful and it was nice to see my partner enjoying herself after a terrible few weeks with her mums dimentua. She had muscles, me a steak and the little one a burger. It’s a really top notch place. There were times when I thought I’d never feel like that again. Let me know how you are getting on when u get a chance. Best, Rad

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
The bungalow has gone, handed the keys in yesterday, its a massive weight off my shoulders and i can now concentrate on getting my life back in order.
I have been preparing the caravan for the winter, which i believe will be quite severe up here in the north penines, there was a very bad frost this morning and i had to scrape the windows on the car.
I still have this dam cold/flu thing, although i'm getting better day by day.
Money has become a nagging concern again, but i dont have the anxiety any more, apart from the morning thing which i honestly dont think will ever go away.
Hope you are well and things are going great for you.
Look forward to your news..
All the best wishes Ottrerman..

---------- Post added at 23:14 ---------- Previous post was at 23:07 ----------

Hi Rad,
Cross over post again
Great to hear from you, and you seem to be happy, lovely to be able to treat your family to a meal out, it sound great. Steak, good choice..
Night for now, sleep well and stay in touch.
All the best wishes Otterman.

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman, I hope you are better now. It sounds cold up there! I hope the van is well insulated. How is it all going? I’ve carried on busy, too much to be honest. I’m flat today. But in a few weeks it’s set to go quiet. I am almost looking forward to that so I can catch up with family things. But I’m also wondering how I will feel, I will have to wait and see. Nagging worry or intense. I hope a better balance this time. I want to reconnect to my surroundings again, take time to meditate which has fallen by the wayside. I also want to repaint my home, perhaps do some building work. Learn some new computer skills. Take care Otteman and catch up soon. Best, Rad

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
I'm happy to say the cold has left me, i'm feeling back to normal on the general health front.
It sounds to me like you are ready to take your foot off the gas for a while and enjoy a few normal activities, its seems to be all or nothing with work for you. Its a shame it cant just be steady away, but thats not how it works when you are your own boss.
Did you think anymore about getting your own dog? I think that would be a marvellous idea.
I have just finished boarding the underneath of the caravan and lagging all the pipes today, it was a much bigger job than i anticipated lol. There is a robin that is very tame, and at one point it landed on my boot!! I sat for ages not moving, and it just sat there looking at me! We had a very deep moment together
I have decided i'm not going to look for work until the new year now. I need a bit of a rest after the last 6 months.
We have company this weekend, friends coming up to stay in the van tomorrow night, so i have my chefs hat on, cooking a balti leg of lamb..
The weather seems to have skipped autumn and gone straight into winter, snow expected tomorrow but we will have to see lol.
Hope you have a good weekend and get a bit of time to relax and enjoy your home and family, hope to here from you soon.
All the best wishes Otterman.

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman,
Sorry for my radio silence. Ive been wanting to checkin and see how you are doing for a while. The busy period just got busier and busier. I'm working really hard, long hours, weekends, meetings, demands from several clients who are all wanting my input on urgent things. I must say, I am enjoying all that and my confidence and stride in my step is back to normal.

Im managing to save a bit too, which means a bigger cushion than before. I really cant believe the way things have turned out as we head towards Christmas. And looking back I am stunned at how bad and low I felt. How out of control and balance I was. As mentioned before, Ive been in that dark place a couple of times in life. I look around me in the streets and see others who look like they are going through struggles. And actually a friend had to travel to see her sick elderly father who lives in Poland. She is quite a lovely and kind lady, and someone who rallied round me in the summer trying to find me a job. I had pleasure contributing to her air fair, which she really couldn't afford.

Ive got my sister's dog staying tonight for a sleepover. He gets so excited when my daughter and I turn up to get him. barking and jumping around. It's lovely having him here. He's like an old friend. We got caught in the rain today and all got soaked. I understand the expression smelling like a 'wet dog' He has dried off now and is snoring.

How are you getting on Otterman? Is the van still going well? Is it OK in the cold weather, did the snow come? Are you feeling OK in yourself still? Dogs OK? Wife too? When you get a chance, let me know.
Take care,
Rad1

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
Things seem to be on the up and up for you at the moment, and it makes me so happy to ear this news. Its great when you can be generous to the people around you, especially the ones that have helped you through the dark shadows of the summer, its a testament
to your good nature wanting to help people, i hope the lady's father is ok.
I get the wet dog thing every day when i take these two out, they are straight in the river regardless of the temperature lol. Had a bit of snow the other week but its turned quite mild again now. It was nice and cosy in the van though, there's something to be said for central heating and double glazing.
Much of my time now is spent just cleaning and cooking, walking the dogs and keeping my bird feeders full its hard to take my foot of the gas though after 40 years of work and i have a tendency to feel guilty when i dont do anything.
Went to the doctors last thursday and she said she didnt want to see me for three months which is good, im still on my meds though and dont have any plans to come off them in the near future, i dread going back to feeling that bad again!!
I have set up an account for online stock market trading today, first dabble i had i made 20 pounds in half an hour, early days yet but if i can get a handle on the whole stock market thing who knows
Anyway, thats more or less me for the time being, i have one more large project caravan wise, and thats to replace the chicken wire fences round the garden with some concrete posts and gravel boards..
Keep me up to date when you can..
All the best wishes, Otterman.

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman,

So pleased for you too. It sounds like you are well and truly settled in to your new home. I completely understand what u mean when u talk about finding it hard to slow down after 40 years of grafting. I think that bothered me in the summer, like a guilty feeling. An inability to appreciate down time except on weekends. I think it’s what modern western life has drilled in to us. We are alike in many ways. and we understand plenty about each other which is rather special. Things continue to be super busy. I’m happy working hard. I am really happy to have the work and continue to be my own boss. I must get my tax done! But no time. I’m falling to sleep here! Been up at 6.30 most days, treating myself to the school run with my beautiful daughter who is constantly surprising me. So many smart comments she makes. Wonderful to see her growing in so many ways. Take care Otterman and I look forward to our next catchup.
Regards, Rad

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
Its truly wonderful to here how good things are going for you. Enjoy every minuet of your daughter growing up, every moment is a moment to cherish
Life is good up here in the van, but i also seem to have a dark shadow lurking in the background, don't know what exactly it is but its always there.
Im chewing at the bit now to get back into some sort of employment but the wife insists that i stay at home and take it easyso who am i to argue..
Still have the fencing to sort out round the garden, but the weather has been really wet and windy, hopefully i will get a dry day! If not it can wait until spring,the only problem i have is smudge keeps escaping
Thats me for now my friend, please keep in touch with all your exploits.
All the best wishes Otterman.