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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    110

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Day 15 on Flauxatine.
    Another bad night last night, woke at 1.30 in a panic soaked in sweat again. Must of drifted back off around 3am and woke at 6.30 wet through, which i consider a good nights sleep compared to recently.
    Got up 7.30 had my flauxatine and beta blocker followed by some really milky oat so simple, its the only way i can eat it as i seem to have lost the ability to produce saliva. Felt really on edge for the first hour but the beta blocker must have kicked in and i felt up to leaving the house.
    Spent most of the day doing physical jobs which stopped me thinking and analysing my problems over and over.
    Appetite is none existent at the moment which is a bit concerning as i have lost half a stone over 4 weeks. My bowls seem to have a mind of there own too.Is having a metallic taste in your mouth all day normal?
    Best i have felt for a while a the moment, the evenings are always best, and even managed to have a couple of positive thoughts!Maybe the flaux is starting to work.
    Hoping for a good nights sleep as i have a long drive tomorrow..

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    110

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Very little sleep again last night, and the usual cold sweats.Had a bad first couple of hours this morning with negative thoughts about everything and a very strong feeling of anxiety.
    Forced myself out of the house and into my van, drove 85 miles to pick my friend up to collect his motorbike.
    To cut a very long story short, i broke down on the motorway, got recovered by the AA and got home 9 hours later than i was supposed to with a van that i have only had three weeks and now does not work, i now have no transport and am at my whits end, have got prickly sensation running up and down the back of my neck and cant really rationalise my thoughts.. Its been a bad day today, all i managed to eat was a packet of crisps. I know for a fact i will get no sleep again after today.. Feel sick of it all

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    104

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hi Otterman, wow thatís really tough on you. Even if you were well, the van nightmare would be hard to take. The extra anxiety on top is so hard to take, I know only too well. The nytol one a night sorted my sleep out, well I get 11.30pm to about 4.30am. I find that time after until I get up a bit hard as I over think. But keep going , things will turn around. Itís important u get some decent food in you even if you donít want to eat. Baked potatoes, soup, porridge work for me. Take care. Rad

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    110

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hi rad1,
    Yet another bad night, and been anxious all day today, tomorrow i have to try and the crooked company i bought my van off to repair it under warranty, don,t think they will though, and im not in the frame of mind to argue with anyone at the moment.. I have my porridge on a morning nice and milky and can eat it no problem same with soup or any wet food, its just my stomach seems to close after a couple of bites. Anyway i have succumbed to taking a sleeping pill tonight for the first time, i really do need some sleep.
    Did you feel any benefit from upping your meds the other day? Hope so..
    All the best
    and hears to a good nights sleep.
    Otterman.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    104

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hi Otterman,

    I think the sleeping tablet will really help you. If it does work, having sleep will help you feel a little bit better for sure. You sound really tense, so try hard to relax your shoulders and neck and watch out for any jaw tension. I found my jaw gripped as if I was biting hard on many occasions. I think thats a side effect. There is also this technique I used to do in bed when I couldn't sleep... You lie down, and tense up the muscles in your feet for say 15 secs, then release the tension and relax. Then tense up all your legs and feet, and then relax. Keep moving up the body. Last of all tense up the the whole body and then relax. It can really make you relaxed and you feel all heavy, like sinking into the mattress.

    Last night I had very broken sleep as I heard noises and my partner thought it was a burglar downstairs at 3am. Anyway, it was nothing, I managed somehow to wake up and get back to sleep a few times. But very very hard to get out of bed today, just couldn't face it. I've increased the medication a little yes. Good news - no extra side effects to report. Yes, I seem slightly less anxious. I found the first 2 weeks really tough in terms of anxiety. Now slightly reduced, but I still worry like crazy and like you, lost lots of weight. My trousers are loose on me now, its upsetting. I've been worrying so much through the weekend, and this morning its been really bad. I am quite scared of what the future holds for me as my business is on the rocks and I worry how I will manage to pay the bills etc. The way I feel I cant face looking at trying to find new clients. I had a counselling session last Friday on Skype, which helped me dig up lots of difficult things I went through earlier in my life, and I am pretty sure they have impacted on my 'panic' pattern of behaviour. It was the counsellor who pointed it out.

    I am glad you are eating a bit, I was worried when you said just one pack of crisps the other day, that can cause headaches, lack of energy and irritability etc. And one other thing - I do sometimes get slight shakes, like you were describing in one of your posts. And I think it might be linked to low blood sugar level. I usually get it before breakfast in the morning. It is pretty disturbing when it happens. I recall reading on the SSRI instructions - if you are a diabetic - monitor more frequently. (Im not)

    Be careful with the Van guys, don't let them off the hook, but try and stay calm and reasonable. You don't need something serious to happen.

    I have my daughter's sports day later, its going to be 29c. I am trying to pull myself together and go, not easy to show my face amongst all the other parents.
    I am quite good at hiding my anxiety, but I'd prefer to hide away.

    Good luck tonight Otterman. If it works, you will feel some control coming back which will be great.

    PS there is this great article on this website:
    http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/articles/glovesoff

    I started reading it last night and lots made sense to me.

    Take care
    Rad1
    Last edited by Rad1; 25-06-18 at 12:21. Reason: spelling errors

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    110

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hi Rad1
    Sounds like you had a terrible night, the last thing you needed with anxiety is the thought someone is downstairs in your house. You say you have your own business, well oddly enough so did i up until march this year, had to wind it up after 10 years of stress and worrying about money, employees the tax man or men as it happens. Paid all my debts off and walked away.
    I think too many things have append to me over the last 5 years and my brains just gone into melt down.
    Its funny you should mention teeth as i have woke up afew times grinding them.
    I took the sleeping tablet last night and slept for 5 hours which was good. I have actually felt the best so far today. Took the van into my local garage, hes going to see what it needs doing then ring the warranty people, it made me feel better looking out the window and not seeing it on the drive anymore, out of sight and all that.
    I have rediscovered tuna sandwiches of which i have had two today plus my oats so simple.
    It sounds like your meds are starting to work which is great news, you mentioned the shaking again before breakfast, i think its the restless nights that do it to us, my worst time now is the first couple of hours on a morning, and it is bad to be honest.
    Im going to take another sleeper tonight but dont want to get two dependent on them.
    Hope you had a good time at the sports day, even doing something like that is a massive thing, especially if your having to play act the part.
    Anyway, hope you have a better night tonight.
    Catch you later,
    Living in hope Otterman..

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    104

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hi Otterman,

    Pleased for you that you managed 5 hours sleep the other night. I think your body and brain were crying out for some sleep. It is great that you feel better yesterday, I am sure it is connected. I slept nicely too the past couple of nights, even though I only take 3/4 of a nytol now. I dont want to get too reliant on them either. But having zero sleep is guaranteed to send me downhill. How did you get on last night? And how are you getting on today? I hope better and that the van issue is sorted OK.

    My business is really just me, and I pay a couple of others when I need them. I had plenty of struggles over the years, worked my socks off and had good times, but it all feels very fragile right now. That's what has really brought all this anxiety on with me. I feel the pressure more than the old days as I have my daughter to think of now. In the old days I would hunker down and live cheaply! Now I have plenty of extra expenses. When the anxiety kicks in, I find it hard to feel normal. Soon I will need to be at my best and most confident. I have decided to take it easy today, its so hot. I want to get myself feeling better. The terrible anxiety has slowed down, I'd say I am back to the level it was before the meds. So rather than 7/10 its about 4/10, at night often lower. Like I said before, it took around 4 to 6 weeks for the meds to help me feel myself, and be more positive.

    I didn't need to go to sports day in the end which was good. I prefer a low profile for now.

    How are you doing today? calmer I hope. Tuna sandwiches - love them, especially toasted.
    Keep me posted on things.
    Take care,
    Rad1

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    110

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hi Rad1,
    Glad to hear your anxiety levels are falling and your sleeping better, sleep is the key like you say.
    Dont go rushing back to work until you really feel you can, it would probably be better for you if you could just ease yourself back in.
    Took another sleeper last night and was in bed at 11pm, woke up at 1.30am covered in sweat again and panicking, was off and on then untill 7am when i made myself get up.
    Today has been a couple of steps back for me, been anxious all day more or less, even with the beta blockers.
    The heat hasnt helped either 30c here this afternoon and i have been working on my fence and gate.
    Best time of the day for me now by far, feeling more relaxed and had spag bol for tea most of which i managed.
    Not much progress with the van, dont think they can find the problem with it, im lost without it at the moment.
    Tomorrow will be better,
    Thanks for listening to my rambles,
    By for now, Otterman.

    ---------- Post added at 21:23 ---------- Previous post was at 21:21 ----------

    Forgot to say im on day 19 of the flaux, and still waiting for them to kick in.

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    104

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    We’re in the same boat Otterman. I don’t think your posts are rambling, they are very striking and I relate to them and what you are going through. Yes the heat is not helping. I know what it’s like to jolt in the night and get in a state, it’s hard to take. When the meds kck in it will slow down and you will sleep better. When does your counselling start? At the bottom of all this is very likely some experiences you’ve been through that now come out in panic attacks. Maybe lots of small episodes that all added up. It’s stored subconsciously and for many it can result in panic attacks fir no apparent reason. I hope your counselling can help you map these things out. It’s not your fault, and you need to give yourself a pat on the back for coping through a nightmare. It’s going to get better.
    Keep me posted, I will keep you posted too. Have a restful night.
    Rad1

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    110

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Well its day 20 Rad1 and its been up and down.
    Oddly slept for 7 hours last night and only had a slight sweat, the sleeps down to the sleeping tablet i know, but i felt quite good when i got up.
    Went to B&Q and it all went a bid bad, wave of panic came over me sat in the car park, had to make myself go in for the wood strainer i needed. Calmed down almost the second i got back in the car.
    Spent most of the afternoon painting decking down at my caravan/new home, this just took my mind of everything, very therapeutic painting. Anxiety has begun to creep back up since i came home, but actually managed jacket spud chicken and sweetcorn ate the lot.
    Doctors in the morning, dont know what to tell her, she should have some information on my therapy session, i know theres a waiting list.
    Thought i had a burning sensation in my arms earlier which started to freak me out a bit until the wife pointed out i had sunburn. The mind is a very complicated beasty which given time can be tamed im sure.
    All in all a better day than yesterday, haven't taken a beta blocker today so that must be good.
    All the best for now
    Otterman..

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