anxiety has taken over

[Rad1]

Hi again ☘️ . Yep that support Otters and I gave each other was special. That thread says it all really and I’m glad you like it. I’ve been re-reading it too. We both took the journey which was so hard and unpredictable, we made it through. I’ve answered on the other chat as you pointed out. But happy to look out here too for you. I’m suffering terribly and afraid to go back on the sertraline. But it’s possibly going to have to happen. You keep going as you will get over tge other side and feel better🍀

[IrishLondon]

We’re both suffering together here - not sure how much comfort that brings but at least there’s someone who understands how it feels. The one thing I’m trying to remember - and you should to - is that we’ve been here before, got through it and a beautiful life was waiting on the other side. We’re slap bang in the middle of it so it’s hard to see right now. I’m no replacement for Otters but I’m here. Big hugs to you Rad!

[Rad1]

You sound like a really kind and warm hearted human ☘️. It’s easier using the icon than typing Irish London. And I didn’t like to use IL! But if you have a short nickname please share and I will use that. Otters is Otters, you are you. I welcome 🙏🏽 your company. I’m at a really low point at the moment. I had such a terrible end to today. So the hug is appreciated. I hope you get a decent nights rest. Best, Rad

PS I read your other post in intro after writing this. You are having time off too. We seem to have plenty in common. I think you are going to get back to normal sooner than later.

[IrishLondon]

Hey Rad,

I like the shamrock! Or you can just call me Irish - whatever works for you. I’m sorry to hear yesterday ended in a low point - did something in particular happen to make you feel that way? It sounds like work is a real trigger for you at the moment. I’ve seen some other users give good advice on taking time off for a few weeks and not making any big decisions around work while you’re feeling like this. I reckon that’s the way to go right now. I’m asking the doctor for another two weeks off today as work is completely impossible for me right now. Weirdly, I feel a tad better today - wouldn’t be hard though as yesterday was so terrible. I only had a few hours sleep last night with the help of half a tablet but I’m taking that as a success right now. I’m day 11 on the fluoxetine and I’ve read that no sleep is par for the course in these early weeks. My sleep is always the first thing to go when anxiety rears its ugly head anyway.

Going to try and drag myself out for a walk or even to the gym today. I live near a couple of nice big parks so I should go and walk some of this anxious energy off!

Irish x

[Rad1]

Hi Irish ☘️,
It was nice to get your message. Last night’s cloud of desperation descending over me was down to spending all day thinking what next. I agree with the advice to mix up the day and plan. I also now realise that one week off was never realistic. I’ve never taken time off work, as I worked for myself (a long story), until 18 months ago. It’s a smallish setup with high expectations so I feel pressure. It is so true that when the spirits and mind are low, things seem impossible and so I will not say anything for now.

I reckon it’s good you’ve asked for two more weeks. Just 3 hrs sleep is tough, even if you expect it. I was given 2 weeks of sleeping tablets (Zopiclone). Is that what you’ve been given? They reckon 1 month at full tablet is ok, so should get u on to the home straight? Or are you on kalms or something similar?

I hope your day went well. What did u get up to? I got out to be with my sister in her office and felt better than at home. Some normality. Then I went home for my first therapy session in years. The online therapist was really experienced 🙏🏽. Early life experiences really seem to play a part in my anxious thinking pattern.

Now Im knackered and ready to hit the hay. I’m holding out til after 10 to regulate my body clock.

Take care, Rad

[IrishLondon]

Hey Rad,

Hope today was a bit better for you. That’s great you’ve got your sister nearby - always good to have a change of scenery, even if it’s just sitting somewhere else for a bit! And great you’ve got family near to you.

I’m keeping things pretty quiet here. Managed to get to the gym for some exercise and went for a walk along the local high street. I feel worried and guilty doing anything more as I’m off work. Have you managed to take any more time off work? I’m sure it just have been a big change moving from being self employed to working a company. I hope they’re understanding with what you’re doing through.

I actually managed ten hours sleep last night but was left feeling very dozey today. I took a double dose of an antihistamine that the doctor gave me. I also have some zolpidem the doctor prescribed for me but I get nervous about taking them and find they only give me a few hours anyway.

Are you going to try to stay off the sertraline for now? I know I’m early days but I’m just really hoping the fluoxetine kicks in for me again - kind of wish I never came off it, everything was going so well a few months ago. But I’m trying to recognise that even an hour feeling ok is a bit of progress.

Anyway keep me posted how you’re getting on.
Irish

[Rad1]

Hey Rad,

Hope today was a bit better for you. That’s great you’ve got your sister nearby - always good to have a change of scenery, even if it’s just sitting somewhere else for a bit! And great you’ve got family near to you.

I’m keeping things pretty quiet here. Managed to get to the gym for some exercise and went for a walk along the local high street. I feel worried and guilty doing anything more as I’m off work. Have you managed to take any more time off work? I’m sure it just have been a big change moving from being self employed to working a company. I hope they’re understanding with what you’re doing through.

I actually managed ten hours sleep last night but was left feeling very dozey today. I took a double dose of an antihistamine that the doctor gave me. I also have some zolpidem the doctor prescribed for me but I get nervous about taking them and find they only give me a few hours anyway.

Are you going to try to stay off the sertraline for now? I know I’m early days but I’m just really hoping the fluoxetine kicks in for me again - kind of wish I never came off it, everything was going so well a few months ago. But I’m trying to recognise that even an hour feeling ok is a bit of progress.

Anyway keep me posted how you’re getting on.
Irish

Hi Irish,
Well I had a nightmare sleep last night. I fell off around 11, woke must be 1am, got back on and off and was wide awake 2am till 7. Anxiety flowing away even though I had relaxing classical music on on my earphones. Just a zombie at 7am but I managed to cook eggs for my daughter and then flopped on the bed again. Later after lunch I did get to my sister again. Felt down and edgy, but oddly got back some positivity from being out and she’s amazing at reassuring. I think my mindset is ‘how will I ever get a job with all this likely to flare up any time.’ That’s how my mind sees it, then it grips me emotionally in the gut and a little squirt of adrenaline or cortisol is fuel injected in to my blood.

Gym sounds good! 10 hours sleep?! You had my missing 5 hrs 😂! I can joke now, but I’m dreading tonight. I’m so tired I could fall off but waiting a little longer. And this is without Sertraline!

I will tell u tomorrow about my prescription as I spoke to my GP tonight.

Take care Irish, you are a step closer to feeling your old self. I came off a few months ago as life felt really decent for 12 months and I thought I’d cracked my anxiety. Getting back on scares the hell out of me. I regret it as I have minimal side effects, slight weight gain and slight dodgy tummy. A small price.
Take care ☘️

[IrishLondon]

Hi Rad

How are you keeping? Any nice plans for the weekend lined up?

It’s been a varied couple of days for me. Have had some very bad moments and then some moments where I feel almost like my old self.

Thursday night was bad. I had zero sleep despite taking an antihistamine. But weirdly my anxiety on Friday about not sleeping wasn’t as bad as it was a few weeks ago. It wasn’t pleasant by any means but friends from Ireland arrived yesterday who are staying with us for the weekend and I just had to get on with it despite feeling awful. I even had a few beers last night! I was worried I wouldn’t sleep again but with being exhausted, the beers and the antihistamine I eventually slept from 1am to around 10am.

So after the hell of Thursday night and yesterday, I’m actually feeling ok today. I guess this journey is all about ups and downs until the meds settle.

How has your anxiety been? Are you managing to keep on top of it?

I hope you have even a little bit of respite over the weekend - I think even those short moments show that the real us is still in there somewhere.

Take care Rad.
Irish

[Rad1]

Hi Rad

How are you keeping? Any nice plans for the weekend lined up?

It’s been a varied couple of days for me. Have had some very bad moments and then some moments where I feel almost like my old self.

Thursday night was bad. I had zero sleep despite taking an antihistamine. But weirdly my anxiety on Friday about not sleeping wasn’t as bad as it was a few weeks ago. It wasn’t pleasant by any means but friends from Ireland arrived yesterday who are staying with us for the weekend and I just had to get on with it despite feeling awful. I even had a few beers last night! I was worried I wouldn’t sleep again but with being exhausted, the beers and the antihistamine I eventually slept from 1am to around 10am.

So after the hell of Thursday night and yesterday, I’m actually feeling ok today. I guess this journey is all about ups and downs until the meds settle.

How has your anxiety been? Are you managing to keep on top of it?

I hope you have even a little bit of respite over the weekend - I think even those short moments show that the real us is still in there somewhere.

Take care Rad.
Irish

Hi Irish,

It sounds like you are getting there with all those good moments. I’m very happy for you. Tiredness is a factor. It’s good your friends were over.

I am not great. Some very hard mornings. I wake at say 4, then can’t do much but lay awake for hours churning things over. I managed to switch off and go to a birthday party last night. Formal thing with dinner and dancing for 60. I managed ok, smiles on my face. Slipped out earlier than I would have liked. But a few nice moments. The D day has arrived, I took my first sertraline this morning. I felt rather nauseous by this afternoon and had really tensed up shoulders. I wondered if that could happen so quick. Possibly as it is 8 hrs on.

So here I go.

Take care and let me know how your day goes.
Rad

[IrishLondon]

Hi Rad,

Massive well done to you for going to the birthday party last night. I know it’s hard to realise when we’re feeling this way - but moments like that are huge. I had a few moments feeling ok when I was out last night too.

I know how big it is to take that first tablet again. I was in a proper state two weeks ago when I took my first 20mg again. I just couldn’t work out if it was the right thing to do or not. Even thought everyone was telling me to do it, my mind was fighting against it. I know only we can make the decision for ourselves to go back on these meds and I’m sure we’ve both made the right decision for us. I’m sure the symptoms you felt after taking it could have been your anxiety - I’ve realised anxiety can make us feel absolutely anything.

My occasional good moments are still swiftly followed by very anxious periods. It’s almost as if my mind recognises I’m having these “normal” feelings and says hang on you’re not better, here’s a load more anxiety for you. But it does feel like the extreme anxious crying episodes that I was having every few hours three weeks ago have left for now - so I’m seeing that as gradual progress. But my heart can just start pounding for absolutely no reason - like right now - and the fear still descends throughout the day.

I have another catch up with the doctor this week. She mentioned beta blockers the last time so I’m wondering if I should try those for the physical symptoms.

I do have to say, when I’m in this state, it does make me appreciate the small things in life so much. Just the feeling of having a relaxed cuppa - I can’t wait for that again. I’m just hoping as the weeks progress the meds settle - I’m only day 16 so a while to go yet I guess.

Keep in touch Rad and here’s to us feeling much better in the near future.

Irish