anxiety has taken over

[Rad1]

Hi Irish,
I typed in a reply and don’t think the save button worked. In essence I was saying I used Beta blockers when I was a young man. I recall heading in to meetings absolutely petrified and the heart pounding made me scared. It’s great to have them in your pocket just ready in case of an emergency. My technique now is all about breathing and it reassures the mind if you deep breath. It slows it all down for me. I did some meditation course which stays with me.

The sudden attacks you have are a bit like my sudden anxious states where my head goes into fear. I can feel the pit of my stomach something like an injection of adrenaline as soon as I stray into a sensitive thought about future. Maybe it’s simply a nerve ending. I even had one in my sleep the other night and it woke me up. I’m living in a nightmare period. I’m worried about losing my home when I thought I was really safe. Yesterday I opened a letter about interest rate rise and it knocked me flat. I’ve been coming to terms with the fact some things we can’t control. So my highest level of anxiety hit me, tonight I’m spent and feeling depression has set in. Oddly I can’t properly cry and I want to. I also have some anger mixed in to my feelings, towards the situation not myself.

Did you say you were doing CBT? I sure know from my sessions what made me anxious. Programming at an early age from experiences and things said. But I reckon it’s also genetic to some degree. I don’t know your triggers but when you understand the reason for the panic, it can help change perspective.

Day 16, that’s gonna be day 20 then 25 in no time. You are a courageous man to keep pushing through. You deserve to find your better balance.

Keep going ☘️ You are another step closer to being you.
Rad

[IrishLondon]

Hey Rad

Was great to get your message. We’re both going through it right now aren’t we? I’m glad I’ve got this place to come and let some of the thoughts out - I don’t think that people who haven’t been through the anxiety mill really get how awful it is.

I’m so sorry you’re having all those anxious thoughts about your house Rad. You’re absolutely right there are some things we can’t control. But losing your house would be the last thing that is likely to happen so there are ways for them to help if you think it’s getting to that stage. Anxiety always likes to show us the worst possible outcome and drown out all the other possibilities that are much more likely.

I had CBT a few years back and it did help back then but I feel I’ve lost the skills I learnt. I am trying to do mindfulness as well but I need to be more consistent in doing it - I use an app and try to do 20 minutes at a time but haven’t done it for the last few days. I have another check in with the doctor tomorrow so will she what she says about the blockers.

Sleep is still a massive issue for me. It’s what started off this anxiety spiral for me and I also know it’s a side effect of the fluoxetine so it’s like a double whammy. I decided not to take anything last night and my heart was basically racing all night and I only drifted off for about an hour at around 7am. Just awful. I’ll prob take an antihistamine tonight again to help me nod off - even though the doc says they aren’t addictive, I really want to get my natural sleep back. But I’m definitely massively anxious about it and there’s nothing worse for sleep than trying too hard to get it.

Anyway, sorry for the long message. I hope today is a little brighter for you. And in a few more weeks we’ll both be the guys we were a couple of months ago.

Big hugs.
Irish

[Rad1]

Hi Irish,

We are at the hard face of anxiety for sure. I agree how helpful it is to share here with people who get it. I was pleased to know Otters, and I’m blessed to know you too.

On the subject of mindfulness or meditation I use longer YouTube versions. I did a course at a yoga centre 2 years ago. (Sorry if I repeat) It was really interesting and I would recommend it to you. I’ve heard about so many people who’ve called it life changing. The mind gets a workout, it also gets a rest from chatterbox. It’s genuinely helped me control my heartbeat. I’m guilty of not keeping it up too but I do light a candle and try at home. And I’m also guilty of not exercising enough. When I lay awake I pop my headphones on and so I like the long ones of an hour.

Sleep sounds so tough for you. I prey you get catch up tonight. As mentioned, I have been prescribed Zopiclone. (Again sorry if I repeat) I reckon if it gives you a few nights sleep it will help you reset your body clock. No need to take regularly. I did 11pm to 4am last night on a half tablet. This time around I’m in the spare room so I don’t disturb my partner. I wake up boiling, move the duvet etc. then rarely get back off. I have a spare half to hand in case it’s a 2 am wake-up. What is the antihistamine called? Is it prescribed?

Today has been my worst. Mornings are hardest. But it’s one step at a time, I need to get the chemical balance better in my brain so I can function. Take it from there.

I am getting nauseous as a side effect too. So it is hard to eat. Breakfast I force myself, dinner too. That whole loss of control upsets me.

My message is long too. It is therapeutic to read and write.
Take care and if you lay awake, there’s another laying awake too. We can prey for each other to get rested.


Rad

[IrishLondon]

Hey Rad

Today’s a bad one for me I’m afraid. I didn’t sleep at all last night again. And it’s caused a huge spike in my anxiety today. I’m a 40 year old man and I’ve basically been crying on the sofa all day. Honestly feel I’ve kind of lost the person I was - I don’t know where he’s gone.

I was taking Phenergan - the doc prescribed it for me. It’s like an allergy tablet but makes you drowsy. I haven’t taken anything the last three nights - the middle night I got a decent sleep but probably because I was so wrecked from no sleep the night before. I noticed Otters also had sleep problems in the first few weeks of fluoxetine so I’m seeing his progress as hope.

I’ve got my counselling session this afternoon so there’ll be lots to talk about. I really do want to learn mindfulness and my counsellor does a bit of it with me but I find it difficult when the anxiety is so high.

I’m sorry to hear you’re experiencing nausea from the meds. I hope that’ll pass for you soon. I’ve read somewhere as the side effects pass, the calming effects increase.

I really wish I could flick a switch and make this better for both of us. Know that there’s someone here going through it with you.

Irish

[Rad1]

Hi Irish,

Sorry to hear that about your sleeping. It sounds like you’re desperately sad underneath. Allow the tears, get the emotions out, be kind a compassionate to yourself. You are having a horrible time, these meds are cruel. Sleepless torture is the worst whatever age you are.

I didn’t get much last night myself. I skipped taking the sleeping pill and I couldn’t get to sleep, but in the end managed 12 til 3am. Then I woke with a jolt in the nightmare of my finances and prospect of moving out in the months ahead. I couldn’t do breakfast for my daughter or get her to school, I felt I wanted to be hospitalised. My therapist was a bit speechless 😶 at all the difficulties.

Im yawning 🥱 lots as I type this. Preying for a decent rest and less anxious struggle. And I’m still in 25mg.

Keep surviving Irish. Hugs.
Rad

[Rad1]

Hi Irish,

I wondered if things had got better for you at all? I've not heard back etc.

I upped my meds to 50mg. I had a sleepless night last night, and it was a torture lying there. I had to be up at 7am to help my daughter get ready for school.

No pressure to reply, I was just hoping you are feeling better.

Best Rad

[IrishLondon]

Hey Rad

I’m so sorry for no replying. We had some visitors staying over the weekend. It was kind of a good thing to take my mind off it all.

I was with you on the sleepless night last night. Just not in a good place today.

I’ve been reading that maybe what I should be doing is actually just trying to get on with life as normal and let the anxiety and sleep just be. So I’m toying with going back to work. As I’m pretty miserable sitting at home on my own.

Well done Rad for continuing on the meds. I’m hoping there are brighter days ahead for us both.

Irish

[Rad1]

Hi Irish,

No need to apologise. I was just hoping all was ok.

I think if you can have visitors and cope ok, that’s a really good indicator. It gives a feeling of normality and builds confidence. Only you can know about work. It’s wonderful you are contemplating it. I think sitting at home dwelling on things is hard.

Im hoping for a proper rest tonight. It’s been a dreadful period in my life.

Take care,
Rad

[IrishLondon]

Hey Rad

How are you? I’ve not been on the forum for a while. It’s been a rough few weeks for me and I decided to try and take a break. It’s been a real struggle and I also managed to get covid which has made everything worse.

Anyway, I didn’t want to come on here and moan but instead ask how are you keeping?

I keep re-reading the success stories on here and try to tell myself that’ll be me one day.

Take care rad.

[Rad1]

Hey Rad

How are you? I’ve not been on the forum for a while. It’s been a rough few weeks for me and I decided to try and take a break. It’s been a real struggle and I also managed to get covid which has made everything worse.

Anyway, I didn’t want to come on here and moan but instead ask how are you keeping?

I keep re-reading the success stories on here and try to tell myself that’ll be me one day.

Take care rad.

Hi Irish,

Sorry it’s been tough. Covid sounds awful. Did u get back to work at all?

Im also having a rough time. My sleep is settling a bit, usually get from 11 until 4 now, without the Zopiclone. I face the financial music in the months ahead and the fear is awful.but yesterday I had my best day for a while and thought, I can work soon. Today has been terrible.
Rad