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Thread: anxiety has taken over

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    99

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Day 20! You are on the home run Otterman.
    7 hours kip - its your body catching up and great to hear. I don't think you will get stuck on the sleeping tablets, you are too aware about it all, but I am like you, extra cautious. You'd need to do 2 weeks in a row to start needing them. The Nytols I take are an alternative to consider, they are antihistamines. They are not strong, but help me. After a while they stop being so effective so you have to take a bit more. But I cut down for a few nights from time to time, perhaps I will skip one tonight. So keep that up your sleeve as an alternative option. Ask the doc if thats OK.

    It sounds like the B&Q thing was tough for you. But hold on to the fact you've been and done those trips millions of times. Reassure yourself. And you've taken on plenty of challenges I am certain. In the end it sounds like you've been doing lots of positive things - decking - fence etc. Take a pat on the back. And soon enough you will be back under control. It only takes a split second of fear and the adrenalin and cortisone hits into the blood, that pumps up the heartbeat and suddenly you can start to feel like 'fight or flight'. It then makes you get anxious and so more goes into the blood, its a vicious circle. I suffered lots over certain situations when I was young and starting my first job. That is why I ended up working for myself. Now that's coming back to bight me I suppose. I wish I knew then what I know now. Even very famous people get panic attacks, they just get used to dealing with it, and with modern meds, it can be tamed. You will learn coping mechanisms. At one point I found flying really challenging, I got so panic stricken and couldn't eat for hours before. Then I would feel extra terrible in the departure lounge and hope I wasn't hemmed in at a window seat. It used to make me feel like I wanted to be sick. What is incredible, I ended up flying all over the world. I never dreamed I would get that beaten, but now I enjoy it. And also I used to hate eating out in restaurants, as I couldn't feel relaxed enough to eat. That too changed. I better keep all this victories in mind as I take on my new challenges.

    Well done for holding back on the Blockers. It is good to know they are with you if things feel like you are losing control.

    You take care Otterman, and whatever happens tonight, you know you can cope tomorrow.
    Good you had some proper food. Food is our friend. It can lift spirits for sure.

    When you see the doctor, don't hold back. Tell him/her its unbearable and ask if there is anyway you can be prioritised. I am sure that you will benefit from getting expert help. Panic attacks come for a reason. They will help you understand what that is, and why it is not your fault. They will show you ways to calm yourself. That is all positive.

    I had a really difficult day. I think its because Im used to working long hours and keeping busy. Ive done that day in day out most of my life. Suddenly there is little for me to do and so I hang around at home alone. I end up on the sofa. I can't seem to face doing what I should be at the moment. I can be quite strict with myself. I can't let myself avoid what needs doing for too much longer. But I will give myself some time to lick my wounds. My day gets better around 4pm when the working day slows down, and I dont feel so guilty about not working. Anyways, its a battle. But onwards and upwards.
    Take care and I will watch out for your updates.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    106

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Thanks for all your support Rad1, your advice really has been a great help to me.
    I know exactly what you mean about not working, to be honest i dont want to get out of bed anymore on a morning, i have to make myself do things like getting a shower or even making a cuppa.
    Day 21, i went to see the doctor this morning, i had a list of things in my head i wanted to talk to her about, but when i was face to face i just went numb. She wanted me to try another med, but i said i wanted to carry on with the flaux a couple of weeks more to see if things get better, so thats what im doing. I even forgot to tell her about the dreadful sore throat i have at the moment. She did ask me if i had heard from the therapist as she had referred me, so im expecting them to be in touch soon.
    Sorry to here you where having a rough day yesterday, hope you have had a better one today.
    I think you are doing the right thing taking some time out from work, only you will know when its time to go back.
    Ive been rough again today, but i do think this heat is helping.
    Best wishes Otterman..

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    99

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hi Otterman,
    I think you are doing the right thing sticking with your medication. I don't think GPs always know the ins and outs of side effects and how long SRIs can take to work. But you only have to dig around on these forums and other sites to realise that for those with anxiety issues, it can be a rollercoaster ride for 4 to 6 weeks. And thats also my personal experience too. I am sure everyone is different, and perhaps another will have a lesser effect on you, but I got the same effect with cytalopram as the Sertraline I take now. I wonder if it would mean gradually coming off the existing med, and then starting over with the other, or whether you can just swap over and start the 4-6 weeks of side effects again.

    I know what you mean about going in to see a doctor with a bunch of things to say and then ending up going blank. I make a list now, as it happened to me so many times. I hope the therapist gets in touch too, in my experience it is important work to do on yourself, but progress takes time. It is all positive.

    This heat doesn't help like you say. It makes life uncomfortable when you are not feeling well. I imagine that if you are in a caravan, its really much hotter. Everyone else around me, is over the moon with it. Last night I took my partner and daughter to a restaurant as it was half price (during the footi). I felt good for that couple of hours, like this whole nightmare hadn't happened. I have to watch the money, something I am worrying about, but a treat like that made me feel human. Then I decided to take just a 1/3 of my nytol as its been a whole month of me taking it. I woke at 3am and struggled to get back to sleep for an hour. Then woke soon after. It was warm too. Duvet on and off. Was not nice. Perhaps it would have happened even with a whole Nytol. I seem to have the slight shakes again this morning and also feel more tense. The higher dose is probably doing that as it had all calmed down earlier in the week. I will try and do the same tonight. This morning I've kept busy as I had a Skype meeting, which went fine. Then I had my counselling. I noticed how I let myself get in to a state with worry as I covered my fears about my situation. I managed to get myself together. It was quite tough that session, saying how all this has made me feel about myself and talking about my fears, but on reflection I got something from it.

    I am glad the weekend is almost here. Another week gone and I hope a bit nearer to feeling more normal again. I want to wind down tonight and give myself a break from this misery of anxiety. I am pleased we connected and are able to share whats going on. Last night I scrolled quite a few other posts and saw so many others with similar struggles. Its such a shame. But at least it helps me appreciate that I'm not the only one with such problems.
    Look forward to hearing your news later. I hope you had a better night and a more relaxed day.
    Cheers, Rad1

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    106

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Well its day 22 today and its been totally weird..
    Took my sleeper last night and had a really good unbroken sleep, i felt great for the first half hour but then the anxiety slowly crept back in and i got the prickly sensation back down my neck and arms. Had to go to tescos food shopping and was dreading it, strange thing was i managed it fine.
    Back down the caravan painting all afternoon, and my wife commented at one point that i was back, and i was for about an hour, and then back to the feeling that i consider to be normal for me now, which is just niggling background anxiety, if that make sense.
    Im not living in the caravan yet by the way, im trying to get it all sorted ready for the big push.
    One of the grand kids came to stop the night, so i had to pretend to be happy grandpa when in actual fact i just felt nothing inside, which sounds awful i know. I keep getting the feeling that i am slowly becoming detached from myself its awful. Dont know if these are all side effects of the floax, they probably are.
    I do believe that swapping meds, or even upping the dose will set people back to the start of there side effects.
    Its much cooler here now than its been all week, so im hoping for another good nights sleep, i only have 4 sleeping tablets left as the gp was reluctant to let me have any more and rightly so i suppose.
    Its good to here that the counselling is helping you, it must be good just to get things out in the open.
    Hope you have a better night tonight and get some good sleep, as you have said before its the key.
    Well thats today done and out of the way, onwards and upwards tomorrow hey?
    Catch up later.
    Thanks and cheers Otterman..

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    1,503

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    I think itís great that youíre keeping a little diary here. Does it help you to look back on it and see how much better youíre doing?

    And hey, donít we all fake happy moods sometimes? I didnít today and I felt SO guilty when I saw the look on my daughters face! So fake it until you make it I say!

    Hope today has been better.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    106

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Scass, thanks for reply,
    Today is day 23 and has probably been the hardest so far. Woke up with prickly skin and it has just stayed with me all day, hopefully these are the worst side effects and it can only get better from here on.
    Had more family round today 6 in total including a baby, so had to really try hard not to let them see the anguish i was going through, they must have noticed my lack of conversation though as im normally very chatty.
    I have had a couple of fleeting moments today when i felt normal but that was it, looking forward to my sleeping tablet to escape for a couple of hours.
    Tomorrow will be better im sure..
    Otterman.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    99

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hi Otterman,
    Glad you slept well. I had the opposite. I woke at 1.30 and couldn't sleep. After an hour I reached over and swallowed my 'emergency' nytol. I managed to get back off to sleep, and then woke soon after. Repeated a few times. I thought that would line me up for a bad day. My partner and daughter went out for the morning. I tried to get some rest, but not successful. In the end I thought Id get something positive out of the day, and gave a big clean up to the bedrooms. It did feel like something was achieved. I also thought I had to get some exercise in, and the cleaning was quite hard graft. And I also shipped a spare bed from my sister's house, on the roof rack of my car. In the end I must have spent about 5 or 6 hours cleaning. A good distraction.

    Just like your painting, its helpful to do something to distract away from the anxiety. Good for you for putting a 'happy' face for your grandchild. I am not sure my daughter knows whats going on with me, I try to hide it from her. But I did tell her I wasn't feeling good at the moment. I am giving her lots of cuddles etc. I'd hate it if she felt insecure. I recall as a young boy lots of insecurity in my home. We were pretty much evicted and my dad had to find a job overseas. Quite a challenge for my mum who had me and my 3 siblings to care for alone. I don't want that for my girl. Probably some of my anxiety relates to that.

    It is good to hear that the old you was back, even if it was only for an hour. Maybe the meds are starting to work, even if just for a small while. I hope that happens more and more. I recall last time around feeling the usual me one morning for a while. I had tough days following it, but bit by bit I started to get more of those normal me times. Feeling detached is a difficult one. But I expect that its all the chemical change going on in your brain, and I hope a sign that things are beginning to change. Not sure about the 'prickly' feeling down your neck and arms, maybe down to painting work? I once had a 'brain zap' which is like an electrical buzz in your head, which last a split second. It is a known side effect of SSRIs. Maybe it can also give you the prickly feeling down your nerves too. I think I recall having some really nice dreams too!

    I hope you have a good night tonight Otterman, I am going to try and go one more night without the Nytol. If I wake extra early and cant sleep, I will have a nytol on standby again.
    As it is Sunday tomorrow, it is not the end of the world if I am a bit tired.

    Have a good day tomorrow too. It is nice to hear your news and about how you are getting on. Take care, Rad1.
    Last edited by Rad1; 30-06-18 at 22:57. Reason: spelling error

  8. #28

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hey there when I first went on meds it took about 3 weeks to start having an effect , maybe give it a little longer hope u feel better soon

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    106

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hi Rad,
    Slept well again last night rite through to 5.30 this morning, dont know what will happen when i stop the sleeping pills, well i kind of know really!
    Sorry to here your not getting much sleep at the moment,im going to ask the doctor about nytol when i go on thursday, it sounds like a handy thing to have in your arsenal. Good for you getting stuck into the bedrooms, yes it helps allot to divert your focus away from the niggling overthinking, i have been painting again today for three hours sat in a chair with a brolly over me, at one point i was actually singing along to the radio.
    Today has been better than yesterday, had a couple of normal spells and even a few positive thoughts.
    Oddly i went very anxious when i got home, think it was because of all the furniture and stuff i still have to get rid of, took my first beta blocker for three days and that seemed to do the trick, followed this by eating a full sunday dinner.
    Good news too about my therapy session, its on the 12th of this month and is an hour long, its made me feel a bit better just knowing i can tell someone els in confidence some of the mad stuff that's been going through my mind over these last 4 weeks.
    The prickly feeling has been with me again all day today, but the beta blocker seems to have got rid of that one too.
    So day 24 not too bad on the whole. My wife goes back to work tomorrow so i will be on my own all day, see how that pans out eh?
    Thats me for now, hope you had a good day..
    Cheers Otterman..

    ---------- Post added at 19:26 ---------- Previous post was at 19:23 ----------

    Squizzell, thanks for your support, im sticking to the meds and hoping for the best outcome, today has been better than yesterday.
    Thanks again
    Otterman.

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    99

    Re: anxiety has taken over

    Hi Otterman,

    When you ask the dr, its Nytol 1 a day, not the herbal nytol.

    Pleased that you had some OK moments today, including some positive thoughts. Shame it turned bad later at home. I hope you get a good rest again. That may have got your body clock sorted. Fingers crossed.

    As you know this weekend I tried to cut out the Nytols, and again last night it was not a good sleep. Im sure the heat doesn't help. I woke at 3.30 and was unable to settle. I thought sod this and took half. Somehow nodded off and woke up again a few times. I also need the toilet more than usual, wonder if its the side effects. It was partner's birthday today so tried to look a bit more positive for her sake. Its been awful for her, she doesn't really get it all. I wanted to give her a nicer day than she has been having with my terrible mental state. She bought tickets for an event in a big park about 40 mins away. It was hot, we were late, I sat in the car driving feeling negative and how I really didn't want to go. It was full of happy, successful looking people. I feel like my life is going downhill, and everyone else around me seems so normal and happy. I did the deal and am now back home. I am anxious tonight incase I have a crap night again. I decided to take 2/3 of a nytol. I am not looking forward to the week ahead. Its been a whole month since all my anxiety kicked in. What a torture and I dont seem to know what to do with myself. I think it will take time to feel strong enough to take new challenges on, but I also have some small bits of work to do for people, and also sort my taxes out. Really cant face any of it.

    My partner goes back to work tomorrow too. Ive spent lots of time alone this month. Im lucky that my sister is on whatsapp and sends me very supportive and calming messages. I think my perspective of life is quite unbalanced at the moment and so it helps.

    So I hope all goes well for you Otterman, tonight and through the day tomorrow. Catch up then,
    Regards,
    Rad1

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