anxiety has taken over

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
Don't go beating yourself up about the amount of work you are doing, 4 weeks ago our lives were in limbo, you are doing great to able to do any work so soon after what you have been through mentally, i think your a very strong person, and you have helped me through some dark moments along the road.
I think i once watched a documentary which featured Frida Kahlo's work, she was an amazing person.
Hope you got a bit better nights sleep last night, it must be murder down there now with the heat, keep well hydrated my friend, and take it as steady as possible. Apparently there is a change on the way for the weekend which will be a relief for us all i think.
I have had another good day today, and even laughed several times, i have stopped checking my bank account every five minuets, i figure now once the moneys gone its gone. Hopefully i will find a part time job in the coming months, but at the moment i'm concentrating on getting in the caravan. I was supposed to go down today to do the steps, but by the time i was ready it was so hot outside i thought i would give it a miss.

In my infinite wisdom i decided to empty the loft, well i couldn't of found a hotter place on the planet god only knows where all the junk up there came from, im sure its not all mine! Ha well looks like another couple of trips to the tip. Shame caravans don't have lofts..
I took the nytol an hour before bed last night, tossed and turned till about midnight and then slept through till 6.30 and felt great for it, not only that but i fell back to sleep and didn't wake up until 9am.
I must be feeling better because i had a strong desire to drink a glass of the wifes wine, but resisted of course Maybe at the weekend i will have a pint with our friends down in Yorkshire, would be rude not to.

My family on my mums side came from wales, and i traced my dads side through Lancashire and then up Scotland, but i am a second generation Yorkshire man.
I do enjoy our correspondences, if there has been one good thing that has come out of this illness it has been talking to you, sounds a bit cheesy but its a fact.
Hope you had a good one today, look forward to hearing about it.
All the bast wishes ,Otterman.

[Rad1]

Dear Otterman,

Laughing ? Well that is great to hear. And a pretty good sleep must have been such a relief. I am sure it will gradually settle down. I understand the bank balance thing, I have also calmed down in that respect. So Otterman, if we had a graph, then I'd say it 'bounced off the floor and is climbing back up bit by bit.

I have a feeling that you will find a way to make some money. A part time job, or something related to engineering? But you also sound like a great 'hands on' man, decking, putting up sheds, etc. An advert in B&Q or the local shops? It will feel good if you earn a few beers here and there while you seek a better paid option.

I had a fairly good sleep last night. And today I cycled along the river thames to drop my daughter off at Gym club. It was so quiet, everyone clears out for summer hols. I love that. I got back, and as my office room (at home) is so so hot, I decided to move to the kitchen table with my computer as its out of the morning sun and so much cooler. That little change perked me up. I worked really well, Im involved with websites. I ran through a proposal that someone else has done for a small client, and suggested several important changes that nobody else could spot. So happy client and good for my confidence. I slowed up a bit as I need to book a holiday. I am trying to minimise spending and yet my partner wants what we've been able to afford during my successful years. A mate has offered me his apartment in the med for a week free, I just need the flights and food. But rather than bite his arm off, my partner has chosen to look for problems like no pool for the little one etc. (just a beach!) Anyway maybe no holiday at all is the alternative to propose.

So it has not been a bad one today, and it has been sprinkled with a few moments of positivity about building my skills base and finding the courage to find new work challenges. As you say, a few weeks ago I was so distraught and unwell that I thought Id never be saying that. Little steps, little steps.

Otterman, I also find our support for each other, and sharing the struggles and good moments really helpful. And I said it before, I know what a good man you are. I am very pleased we met and have this conversation.

Good luck with the sleep tonight, take it in your stride if its not easy, you will keep bouncing upwards.

Rad1

[otterman]

Hi, Rad,
Sounds like you had a good day too, must be great being able to cycle back and forth, you would need to be a semi professional mountain biker with some of the hills round here, im afraid it would be the end of me i bet your daughter thinks its great,been transported that way.
I don't envy your job one bit, my step son is a programmer and hes constantly stressed by the job, hes only 32 and he already complains that technology is leaving him behind. Me im still on windows 7.5 and had never even used a computer up until about 6 years ago.
Still struggled to get to sleep last night, took the nytol one hour before bed but didnt get off to sleep until after 2am, then had to get up early to go to the doctors for 8.50
Wish i never mentioned the nytol to her, she gave me a right dressing down, she 's a bit of a funny one my doctor.
Yes if you had a graph where the trough was zero and the peak was 100% i would say im about 70%
Had to speak to the idiot i bought the van from after i got a letter from him, hes adamant he wont give me a refund. So i have written him on last letter telling him he has now left me no option but to take him to court. Its not about the money its the principle of the matter.
Had a good day considering the hassle, sold my dining room table and chairs for a tenner, then the bloke contacted me to cancel because im too far away, i wish people would read all the ad.
I had to cancel our holiday Greek island hopping, which was booked in September last year, lost my money but at least i didn't spend a fortune on it, and saved on all the spending money.
We are in the grip of some serious thunder storms here, the rain is drying as fast as its falling, its still red hot and very humid, bet its been murder for you down there.
Hope you have had a good day, and not over done it with this heat.
Speak again soon and take care..
All the best wishes, Otterman.

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman,

I’m back late tonight. We went to see a film outside in the park. It was as a full moon, warm, about 200 people. I’ve never done that before. I managed another fairly good day, but boy was it hot. 34c although my thermometer by my front door said 39c. Tonight our bedroom is about 26c, stuffy and it isn’t going to be a good rest tonight.

It is a shame you didn’t get a good sleep last night. Hopefully you catch up
Tonight. Your doctor obviously cares, but Nytol is nothing to worry about.

What a shame about canceling the Greek island hopping, but needs must. My mate couldn’t wait for my slow reply and has let the place out instead. Fair enough.

I will catch up tomorrow. Best,
Rad1

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
I’m down in Yorkshire tonight, trying to use my mobile to
communicate. Not easy as the words are microscopic.
Had a good day, been hot up here, but enjoying a few beers with good friends.
Tha outdoor cinema sounds great, something I have never done.
Going to visit family and friends tomorrow, looking forward to it.
Hope you have had another good day.
Hope you get this as I really don’t know what I’m doing with this lol
Normal service will resume Sunday night night hen
I get back home.
All the best wishes Otterman.

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman,

I often use my mobile to do the posts, but it takes forever! I am really pleased for you - on a trip and looking forward to seeing family. It sounds like you are on a good roll. I had a goodish day, busy at the computer. Ticked off some tasks, but need to catch up even more tomorrow. After a hot day the rain came tonight and its nice and fresh tonight. I went to the pub to have a couple of beers with a very good friend (same guy as the other night). Then back to his for a delicious meal and wine. It really was a fantastic night, his wife is back and 2 of his children back from Uni. They know me inside out and take me as I am. I'm blessed to know them and share so many good times with them, they are generous beyond belief.

Have a good night and day tomorrow Otterman. It is so quiet here where I live in SW London. 2/3rds of the people have gone on holiday or back to their countries to see family. As an Englishman, I am a rarity in this area

Rad1

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
Sounds like we both had a decent day yesterday, you with your
life time friends and me with mine. It was great to spend some time with
my sister too.
Woke up this morning expecting the worst after drinking 5 pints of beer, but all l
Suffered was a good old fashioned head ache lol.
Had another good day today, went and spent a couple of hours with
my mum, she’s 86 and still full of beans. Then went through to see my daughter
and three of my grandchildren, it was so good to see them all I got a tear in my eye
at one point when my grandaughter came down stairs, she had been having her nap
and is only 2 Yates old. Spent about 3 hours with them, lots of playing in the garden
then went to find our hotel
For the night. Had some snacks and unpacked some bits and bobs
then went through to meet my ex business partner and his wife, he’s
Doing really good.
Back to hotel, then out for a Cantonese merl with my wife, bottle of wine
and a couple of beers, I’m starting to feel lol meme again.
The weather has been much kinder today, only 20c with a good breeze and some showers.
Picking dogs up in the morning and then back home to reality.
Hope you have had a good Saturday.
Still trying to get used to doing this on my phone lol,
all the best wishes as usual, Otterman.

[Rad1]

Good for you Otterman. It’s nice to have good people around you, and it sounds like you let your hair down and enjoyed some beers. It’s also wonderful that you felt that connection with your family, I’m someone who can be in touch with my emotions too. Today I was so proud of my daughter who helped me lots and was happy to teach me a new dance move. My mum turned 79 last week, she looks so much younger and keeps herself busy. I finished quite a bit of wine last night, not bad today, just a bit tired. I did a big shop in Sainsburys and got loads for the week ahead. Cooked a large batch of bolognese and my daughter loved it. I will freeze some up. I’m determined to keep costs down. It’s been quite cool today. Around 20c, a welcome relief after weeks of 27c to 35c. It got dark early tonight. As mentioned, it’s like a ghost town here. But I’m not exactly looking forward to September when thing go back to normal. My sister goes on holiday tomorrow and so her dog will stay with me for the next 2 weekends. Her friend will have him weekdays. Not a bad day today. I must catch up with my To Do list tomorrow. Enjoy the good times Otterman, drive safely and give your dogs a good walk tomorrow!
Rad1

[otterman]

Hi Rad,
The batch cooking is an excellent idea, i often do it with fish pies, i love them, but im trying to run the freezer down at the moment for the big push.
Had a good weekend, had a bit of dread when i woke up this morning at the thought of coming home to various problems, but it soon past. Managed a full english breakfast too this morning before setting off home.
I'm back among the boxes and furniture no one wants, im going to have to get in gear tomorrow and start getting everything moving, cant afford to keep dragging it out, so tomorrow is the beginning of the main offensive, and with a bit of look and if my back holds out we will be in the caravan within the next couple of weeks.
It sounds like you are in for a couple of weekends of fun and companionship when you look after your sisters dog. Im sure you thoroughly enjoy it.
Its been raining all day and the temperature up here never got over 15c, nearly had to put a sweater on its lovely.
Great that you had a good day yesterday, hope today has been good for you today too, don't over do it tomorrow catching up with work, be kind to yourself and remember Rome wasn't built in a day my friend..
All the best wishes, Otterman.

[Rad1]

Hi Otterman,
I love fish pie too. I used to batch cook that, but haven't for a while. So thanks for reminding me. Is there room for a freezer at the caravan? Or can it go in a shed? Sorry to hear you had a bit of dread this morning, but I'm in the same boat and understand it. The good thing is you've showed yourself you can still have good times and surround yourself with good friends and family who care about you. That is important after your recent suffering and life challenges. I bet you get in a good rhythm and sort out the last few things in the next 2 weeks. Tomorrow I face up to my tasks too, I really didn't manage much today, but I did clean my sister's office while she is away as she couldn't get a cleaner in. My daughter came along, and we had fun and a sense of achievement. My sister is so grateful, so win win. It rained most of this weekend here too, and the temperature dropped down to about 21c. 15c sounds cold to me! I was glad to have a small break from the heat, but hope the next couple of months is warm and sunny, but not excessively so. This run into autumn and Christmas is going to be hard for me. Today I was tired and at times felt down. We went to church, and I suppose it gave me a little space to concentrate on how my life is going. And that popped up a few times today. I didn't eat much for lunch, and I think when that happens my mood can drop. I liked my sister's dog staying. He climbed up on the sofa with me as I was having 40 winks earlier and nestled between my feet.
Anyways, lets keep moving on my friend. We are both up to the challenges ahead, so lets not make ourselves ill with worry.
Take care, Rad1