Hi everyone,

I’ve been suffering with severe DP/DR since May 2015 after a bad experience with weed (a bad experience that I now realise was an incredibly severe panic attack). I suddenly felt a feeling I’d never felt before; my arms didn’t feel like my own, my mind felt entirely numb, everything seemed blurry and I felt like I was in a dream and like I was going to die.

In the months following, I experienced almost daily panic attacks along with an overwhelming feeling that nothing was real and that everything around me seems strange and unfamiliar; I’d look at my family and my mind would tell me that they were strangers. I experienced bad agoraphobia in the months following, not leaving my house for 6 months.

I then received therapy from a private therapist who allowed me to be able to leave my house and do things I’d never done before. I also received CBT which helped me tackle my panic head-on to the point that I haven’t had any panic attacks since early 2016.

I’ve been on Sertraline which helped me to no end, wiping out most of my feelings and symptoms of anxiety.

I’ve been able to live a semi-normal life since then, however my feelings on unreality and unfamiliarity have remained, pushed firmly under the rug.
However, over the last few months my DP/DR has gotten so much worse to the point I feel like I’m doing worse than I was originally. My memories before all of this seem fake and like they didn’t happen. My surroundings all seem unfamiliar. Those around me seem like strangers. I can’t shake the fact that nothing is real and I’m stuck in a dream. I don’t even feel like me. It’s been 3+ years and, with each day, I feel less and less like myself.

I’m getting to the point where I feel as though I physically can’t deal with this anymore. I’d rather die than have to live with this anymore and I’m scared that my fear of living with this will overpower my fear of death and I’ll take my life.
I’ve seen doctors however they don’t tend to understand any of this, they try to help me tackle the anxiety and use calming grounding techniques despite the fact that I’ve heard and learnt it all before.

For those of you who have beaten this or learnt to live a normal happy life with it - please can you help me? Any tips or your own experiences? I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m scared and exhausted.

Thank you