THE HONEYMOON IS OVER
Please excuse the rough language in the following story...I
would have deleted them, but the story wouldn't be the same.
A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When
they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well," said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So
romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we
returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never
heard before! I mean all these awful 4-letter words!
You've got to take me home...PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "Calm down! You need to stay
with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful?
WHAT 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm
so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell
your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama...he used words like: dust, wash, iron, and cook."
"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother
NURSING HOME
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital.
"How are you, grandpa?" he asks.
"Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific, they have wonderful menus."
"And the nursing?"
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"
"No problem at all, I get nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light."
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to question the nurse in charge.
"What are you people doing!?" he asks.
"I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old man Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"
"Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."
Drivers license
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed
him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
lastly...
OAP's outing
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of OAPs when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks her: "Why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?"
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
"We just love the chocolate around them."
boom boom
Happyone
xx
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lol.
very good happyone!!!! keep em comin
