Hello,
I'm not sure if this is in the right place but I'll go ahead anyway!
So, I've suffered with anxiety problems since the age of eight or nine really but the recent and most severe bout started when I turned twenty and it has been going on for four years now. In those four years I've had two rounds of CBT with different therapists. It never worked for me and at the time I blamed the therapists, in my mind, they were teaching me really basic stuff that I already knew about and had tried with no success. I do have quite a vast knowledge on anxiety disorders which is probably because I've had four years of research into why it happens, where it comes from and how it can affect you etc. Unfortunately this knowledge doesn't serve me in helping myself at all. Anyway, I blamed the therapists for teaching me such basic knowledge.
However, I am now on my third round with yet another therapist. I've realised and owned the fact that blaming the therapist, having unrealistic expectations and not putting in the effort because I thought it was a waste of time as I already knew this stuff, was a big, stupid mistake and was probably the soul reason I never saw any progress. CBT is not magic wand therapy! So with that said, I've completley done away with that way of thinking and have just decided to pretend that I've never heard any of it before and to just be open to exploring everything, even if I know the technique like the back of my hand. Now things are going really well this time around. I've been sticking to my therapeutic commitments, engaging in the homework and have also thrown myself into the anxiety guy's videos. The result is that I've discovered multiple ways of thinking that, combined, work really well for me. The last four days have been pretty good, I actually become a bit excited about feeling anxious so that I can practice these techniques! However, I face a bit of a problem.
Today and most of yesterday have been worrying. I feel a bit mentally exhausted and I've noticed that I've been letting a few negative thoughts slip past un-challenged which has resulted in a slight increase in physical symptoms. When I do catch the negative thoughts and challenge them before moving on to the other parts of the technique like I'm supposed to, it feels tiring. It almost feels like i'm bored of doing this and I don't always have the time to stop and have that little mental chat with myself and when I do its like "not again *sigh*"....I'm really fighting quite hard to stay excited about challenging my thoughts and putting myself in situations I don't like but I'm starting to feel exhausted which worries me as it's only been five days now. I just have so many negative thoughts in five minutes yet alone a day and it's so difficult to enthusiastically challenge them constantly throughout the day!
So I guess I'm asking if this is normal? Is it a bad sign or is it actually a good sign? Have you any experience with this yourself? What advice could you give me? I realise I am seeking reassurance which isn't great but I figured that it's for a good cause and not in the "so I'm not going to die soon?" Way I'm used to.
Any help or reply would be HUGELY appreciated!
Thank you!
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