33 year old male here. 6'3/288lbs (1.9m/130kg)
2012, had 2 swollen lymph nodes on left side of neck. One on back of neck, one on side near shoulder. Went to two doctors who acted as though they were nothing.
2014, lymph nodes there still swollen, but same size. Went to ENT. Referred me to surgeon, "just to ease my mind. Surgeon felt the one on the back of my neck and said it was fine. Was more concerned about the one on side of neck. Did ultrasound. Believe it was 1.6cm. He did an "Ultrasound Assisted Needle Biopsy". Result came back as "scattered lymphocytes". Doctor didn't seem too concerned.
That day was a very stressful day because my father also had gone to his doctor, to see if his prostate cancer had spread to his bones. It had not. Extremely happy that evening.
2018, lymph nodes still there. If they're bigger now, it's not noticeable. They don't move but seem squishy, especially after recent round of antibiotics. I used to think they were VERY hard but now I think that was because of the muscles underneath them.
Anyways, just prefacing my actual problem with that, since it's a big part of my fear..
Have had occasional headaches since around 22nd of June. Left side of head, same as lymph nodes.
They got bad at one point, though I was also very stressed due to various factors. I went to a pharmacy and bought an "ear flush" kit as I've had problems with that ear before. It SEEMED to make the headache less severe, but could only be perception.
2 weeks and one day ago, started having tingling in face. Left side.
Went to "urgent care clinic" in total panic two days later. Medical Professional looked in my ear, and said I had a "very inflamed" ear, with fluid on it. and possible sinus involvement. I had had a bad post nasal drip and cough for a month or so before this. Gave me doxcycline 100mg for 10 days.
Was scared I GAVE MYSELF THE INFECTION because I used the ear flush, and actually had other, much worse problem. though this could just be pure panic, as medical professional (Nurse Practioner not doctor) said I had "noticeable swelling and fluid in the ear" on one ear and "completely clear" on the other, and I'd used the flush on both (though mostly on the ear that was "infected")
Took doxycyline for about a week. Woke up panicking every day, just wanting tingling to have gone away. Then started having weakness in body last Monday.
Thursday started shaking all over, happened when I was (seemingly) calm. Hands shook, chest shook, legs very weak. Read rare side effects of Doxycycline online. Stopped the Doxycycline and made appointment with ENT, which is set for today at 9AM central time.
Shaking ceased after this to a large degree, but still have muscle weakness. Body slouches forward. Legs feel heavy. Admittedly, this "seems" less when I manage to calm myself down...
Can't stop thinking the worst. Wake up every morning, early, scared out of my mind, reading stuff about brain and spinal cord tumors and ALS and poor prognosis.
Weakness makes legs feel like jelly at times. Did some work in my workshop yesterday, lifted large old CRT television and old table so perhaps muscles not weak? Did have trouble mustering strength to run 10 feet yesterday evening (though that might have been because I had a spell where I was so nervous I forgot to eat, and managed to sprint down my driveway after doing this)
Symptoms now: occasional headache, (that moves around but mostly on left side of head, also have some head pain on right side, though I did bump my head on that side getting in a car that was, well, not as "tall" as I'm used to...believe this was a week ago today, Monday.) pressure on side of head above ear, tingling in face (that has gone away completely once or twice but mercilessly returns) tingling sometimes feels like burning, pressure in back of head. May or may not feel weak in legs, at different times. Body wants to "slouch" forward when I walk, to the point that it's noticeable. Also, have a weird pressure in side of face where tingling is when I try to chew. Sometimes it hurts.
Going to ENT in 2 hours. Just keep thinking this is going to be "it". Occasionally thinking of my family having an estate sale of my belongings and my cat going into animal shelter. Can't stop thinking I have a tumor in my brain or spinal cord that is going to kill me in a month. Need DESPERATELY to see MRI/etc results. Need desperately for them to be CLEAR.
Keep trying to keep my mind off such things, trying to be positive. Watching youtubes or cleaning. Have cried and felt severely emotional even watching things on youtube that shouldn't produce such results. Crying over anything sentimental. I wish so badly to be a teenager again with the stupid problems I had then.
I want so badly to have good test results, and I want to live, and be able to change my lifestyle and lose weight. I can't help myself worrying. I want to live a long long life and never feel this helpless and awful again.
Read some other threads here. In a way it is good to know I am not the only one who this sort of fear and panic happens to. But, I am so sorry to everyone who has to experience it, and I would not wish it on anyone! It breaks my heart that ANYONE has to experience this, and I pray for everyone who does. Including myself, however selfish this may be.
Anyone who read my entire post, thank you SO much for your time! And to mod staff of this forum, I am sorry if I broke any rules in haste. I have "lurked" here on and off for several years and it has been a calming influence. I had just woken up and saw that I was authorized to post, and wanted to get my own story out. I hope so badly this is all anxiety! I hope so badly the doctor thinks me a fool for worrying myself sick! I just want my life to go back to being boring and "normal".
Sorry for long post. Thank you all again.
(Edited post to add one more symptom I forgot.)
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Originally Posted by ClaireB83
