Can't stop worrying that I'm about to die of bowel cancer

[LunarCoffee]

First counsellor appointment was nice. It's nice to be able to talk to someone who knows what you're talking about.

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[LunarCoffee]

You know, I really think I might have pelvic floor dysfunction, from either getting sacked a couple of times and being stomached by a whole lot of soccer balls. Whenever I try to go, I can't ever quite relax the muscles, and although I can almost do it, whenever something actually tries to come out they tense up again. As such, harder thicker poops are much easier to pass, as they kind of pry the opening open. Besides that, I also need to urinate more often, and the urge is stronger even when I don't have that much. Also, before anything comes out, the stream stops and resumes multiple times internally. All of this has been going on for about 3 months, so that'd make sense.

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---------- Post added at 20:27 ---------- Previous post was at 20:26 ----------

Aight also to be clear I'm not afraid of having it, it's just that a previous reply mentioned that it might be something muscular, and referenced being sacked as a potential cause.

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[LunarCoffee]

I'm not really expecting a response but I still hope for one. Anyway, over the last few weeks the feeling of incompleteness has gotten much worse, pain has mostly stayed consistent. My dad's given me some hemorrhoid cream, and I applied some as per the instructions.

(TMI) Maybe a centimeter from the opening there were some tiny bumps that kind of hurt when I touched them, kinda like a burning thing but not quite. Not sure what this is, but it's probably something. Also, does the cream help the incompleteness? oof

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---------- Post added at 23:56 ---------- Previous post was at 23:25 ----------

If this works then I'll be fine but if it doesn't my anxiety will spike to levels unknown. And because of that uncertainty I'm already worrying. The worst part is that I haven't the motivation to do much anymore because I think it might be a waste.

[LunarCoffee]

Ok so apparently it's for external use only. Also, do internal hemorrhoids last this long? (It's been a solid almost 4 months) also this is the worst my anxiety has been in a while. I've read that they can last a week or basically forever but I'm not sure if that's true. :thinking:

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[MyNameIsTerry]

Depends on what stage they get too. Certain stages can mean treatment via doctors to remove them. Mine are very likely at that stage and have been for years but they don't bother me much hence I've never followed it up.

Creams differ. Some contain astringents which help to shrink them. Some have lidocaine in them to numb them. Numbing tends to be quick but shrinking can take a while.

It depends on how big they have got and whether you are also treating the root causes (e.g. diet, straining, stress, etc) how quickly things change. I would automatically assume a slow process with piles otherwise a HAer is just going to start reading into a lack of visual progress when these things can take a while.

If they are shifting then see your GP and see what they want to do. They can prescribe stronger creams.

The tiny bumps are likely just part of the piles. They tend to look like a bunch of grapes. These lumpy things can alter the shape of stools so if you see grooves remember the "chute" isn't quite as smooth right now

[LunarCoffee]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and I'm back. Nothing has improved over the last few months, and the incomplete feeling has gotten worse. Most other things are about the same, like the pain. Something to note is that I always have a mild ache (not sure if that's the right word, descriptions are hard) in the same general area as the incomplete feeling.

I keep thinking of how this couldn't not be cancer, and although it's mostly dumb, I still can't get over it. No bleeding or anything like that. I went for a doctor's appointment and they looked in with a flashlight (not sure if they can see internal hemorrhoids from that) to find nothing, which has really put me off because the one barrier that was blocking me from going completely insane was the strong possibility of hemorrhoids.

To be honest, the thing I'm most afraid of is that I'll miss the chance to save myself all because I kept telling myself it wasn't real. It haunts me and my sleep schedule has been getting worse, and my general stress level has gone up quite a lot. Even though statistics and time and everything is on my side, I just can't god damn let it go! I don't know what to do.

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[jray23]

I keep thinking of how this couldn't not be cancer, and although it's mostly dumb, I still can't get over it

This is so similar to one of Hypo's thought patterns. I'll tell you the same thing. You need to challenge this thought every time you get it. Rationalize counter arguments, the more the better.

To be honest, the thing I'm most afraid of is that I'll miss the chance to save myself all because I kept telling myself it wasn't real.

This is another super common thought from health anxiety. I've had it myself many times but not in a long time so back then I didn't have the tools I have now. . I'm not so sure of the best way to counter that one, I do remember David Veale's book talked in detail about it, but can't recall. Maybe someone else can chime in.

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[LunarCoffee]

This is so similar to one of Hypo's thought patterns. I'll tell you the same thing. You need to challenge this thought every time you get it. Rationalize counter arguments, the more the better.



This is another super common thought from health anxiety. I've had it myself many times but not in a long time so back then I didn't have the tools I have now. . I'm not so sure of the best way to counter that one, I do remember David Veale's book talked in detail about it, but can't recall. Maybe someone else can chime in.

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So just keep on countering them? I'm not sure if that's been working...

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[MyNameIsTerry]

So just keep on countering them? I'm not sure if that's been working...

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There are various ways and it's a matter of finding what works for you. Countering, accepting, using indirect strategies (e.g. relaxation work), etc.

You are reprogramming your subconscious. It takes time and repetition to see progress. Until then we have to accept it has the capacity to fight our recovery.