Have I got rectal cancer?

[Fishmanpa]

So did that post from the other guy I referenced help at all? After all, he went through the same thing you're going through now.

Positive thoughts

[Toby2000]

Please be careful, Toby?

I've been terrified for the health of people I love, too, but when you try to control the fear by controlling your loved ones, it can be a form of abuse.

Life is fundamentally uncertain. You need to practice acceptance of this rather than trying to find ways of creating the illusion of certainty where none exists.

Yep a few years ago unfortunately it turned critical, I was constantly on her back asking her questions, examining her phlegm, asking her to cough up, begging her to go to the doctors.

I didn't realise it was bordering on emotional abuse then but I understand that it is now. It's not as bad now, I can't exactly examine her stool so I'm not even going to think about that. It won't get to that point again but I just love her so much, I don't want her to die just because she couldn't be bothered to see a doctor or ignored persistent diarrhoea.

But yes, I need to accept uncertainty and let go of things for a while and take things one day at a time. I have tried mindfulness before and it helped A LOT, taking things one step at a time, but I'm not sure if that can be applied to this situation because what if she just gets worse?

[Toby2000]

So did that post from the other guy I referenced help at all? After all, he went through the same thing you're going through now.

Positive thoughts

I appreciate you bring this thread back up again, cause I'm aware now that I'm definitely catastrophizing again

No normal person would think diarrhoea = colon cancer but after having read so much about it and given she's in the age group at risk, I'm more scared because there are people just like her that you read about who ignore their symptoms and then it's too late

[Fishmanpa]

I appreciate you bring this thread back up again, cause I'm aware now that I'm definitely catastrophizing again

I suggest you READ IT again and again prior to posting on this thread. If I recall correctly, you actually know this person and he really helped you a while ago, am I correct?

Positive thoughts

[Carys]

Actually, further than that (from FMP's link), I'm going to post the whole set of tips here .....because they list exactly what worked for you in feb 2017! You won't get more tailor made advice than this Toby.

Okay, well I just thought that I'd make a post here because I haven't in ages, and I thought I could give anyone else suffering some tips for anxiety, and strategies that have helped me pull myself out of the darkest pits of anxiety. I still worry quite a bit, but a few weeks ago I genuinely thought that I couldn't go on, and was even close to suicide. But right now I feel a hell of a lot more positive about life and have realised that I generate problems in my head and create wild, catastrophic scenarios of all different natures. This time last year, I thought my mum was going to die because she had a cough. That was it. But I overanalysed and came to the conclusion that she had a late form of lung cancer, and wouldn't make it to August 2016. Now she's here, still alive and well and I effectively wasted months of my life worrying over this.

Firstly, tell yourself that you're overanalysing the situation. When we worry about something, we often look into the thing/situation/event into way too much detail, more detail than someone without anxiety would, and from this amount of detail we draw what we think are logical conclusions as to what we think will happen. This is called obsessing over this particular worry, and totally picking it apart and dissecting it, which should never be done because it will only create more problems than there were originally- keep in mind that these problems will likely not affect you, or occur the way you think they will, which leads me on to my next point..

You are not psychic. What we sometimes seem to forget is that we can't tell the future. We don't know how the future will pan out, but rest assured that unless you have sufficient (and I mean sufficient) evidence for it, it won't happen the way you think it will, and in reality if it did happen, then you'd handle it better than you thought you would.

The 'worst case scenario' situation will not happen. This is called catastrophising, and essentially in some cases blowing things out of proportion. I'm so guilty of doing this, I mean I thought that my mum's cough was lung cancer. What was it in reality? Not lung cancer, nowhere near. And again, you can't predict the future, but the 'worst case scenario' is always a figment of your imagination (unless you're an axe murderer).

What helped me get through the darkest point of my existence?

Being mindful, and accepting that I can't predict the future. I confess that recently I haven't been practising this as much, but for a couple of weeks I had the strong mindset of living in the present and not trying to speculate about what the future may or may not hold. Doing this really grounds you and will help you realise that your worries are partly, if not all, based off of speculation. Why worry about something that will most likely never happen? This will save you a lot of stress. https://youtu.be/6p_yaNFSYao

I did what made me happy, distracting myself from the worry. For me, I stopped googling and feeding the worry and distracted myself from it, almost accepting it as just a worry, then getting on with something that I was interested in. For me, I watched a load of YouTube videos and binge watched those pointless, but interesting, "Top 10" videos.

Turning the negative into a positive.. I know, this is much easier said than done, but in most dark clouds are silver linings. These silver linings are usually pretty easy to find, but the important thing is to focus on that silver lining. Try and view the situation, event, thing in a positive light, whilst accepting that the thing you're worrying about is just a worry, and take that chance to change your ways if you're worrying about something you did wrong in the past, or in whatever situation, view it from a different angle. This may seem impossible, but trust me, it's possible.

Looking back on past worries. If you use 'mental time travel' for positive purposes, it can be incredibly useful in recognising patterns in your anxiety. In most cases, you'll find that you were just being ridiculous worrying about what you were worrying about and things didn't go as bad as you thought they would. In most cases, these things never happen at all. Then imagine yourself at a point in the future looking back at your current worry, and at this point the worry is over. Just see your what would be past self from above and laugh at yourself, say to yourself "This didn't happen as I thought it would", or "All that time I wasted worrying..". This sort of helped me.

If you want to, open up about the worry. I opened up to my mum and the chat room on here about what I was obsessing/worrying over. That really helped me because I could almost imagine myself in the situation I was worrying about, and my mum was still there for me, supporting me, and she listened to what I was worrying about. Opening up meant the worry had less power over me.

I hope this helps some people who are also worrying themselves to death. I'm not here pretending to be an expert, because I'm not, but I just wanted to share what personally helped me quite a lot.

Thanks

[Fishmanpa]

Actually, further than that (from FMP's link), I'm going to post the whole set of tips here .....because they list exactly what worked for you in feb 2017! You won't get more tailor made advice than this Toby.

Its almost like he wrote it himself isn't it?

Positive thoughts

[MrsEd]

wow, this still going, im sure i read about 10 pages ago admins were considering closing. I think it would be good for your own mental health

[Toby2000]

I know, it is good advice from myself ha, but things keep happening and it's just GRATING on me

Like I just went to the toilet, it was looser and stupidly I examined it and thought I could see like a VERY VAGUE reddish glow on the surface. I don't think it was blood and it was just my mind but I can't be sure

And then I went again but on some toilet paper, it was looser this time and I noticed a small spot that I think was some reddish/purple colour and I think it might have been blood. It was like a small "blob" of it on the surface and then I when I separated the stool and looked inside it there were 2-3 more spots that looked like it
I found this picture randomly on Google images that resembles the colour of it

Blood doesn't conventionally appear like this does it, in very small clumps? I'm just so confused because this feels so never ending

It could've been food, because a couple of nights ago I had fajitas which had various vegetables in (red pepper, onion etc) so it could've been the fleshy bits of that maybe and today I had a McDonald's burger which had ketchup in and probably relish or something. And I obviously had the lasagna last night I think which could've had something of that colour in

It's like my body keeps throwing things for me to worry about at me and none of this will go away until I know for sure I don't have cancer, because I'll keep seeing these small spots even if I'm not seeing blatant BLOOD mixed in or on the surfaces which I KNOW this is what blood would look like if it was on/in my stools, it probably wouldn't present itself as a blob that doesn't seem to disperse or liquify when spread out on the paper or anything

I'm so sorry I know you guys will be SO frustrated with me but I don't think I can do this anymore, It's just NEVER. ENDING. And I'm STUCK like this. And most likely will be for the rest of the year, even with therapy

[Fishmanpa]

I did this on another thread just to point out a pattern. Mind you, this is just from the 1st 7 pages of this thread! I 100% agree with you MrsEd!

I know but
I know but
But my stools
most likely isn't cancer but
I'm not sure why this keeps happening but
but I'm sure
I don't know if I'm being paranoid but
but I'm really terrified
But I'm 99% sure
But when I checked
But now I'm worrying
but I WAS DESPERATE
but I KNOW
I thought I moved on from it but
But an alert mind
but first I want
I can deal with that after.. but
But thank you
I'm being annoying but
But what if
But now I'm convinced

Positive thoughts

[Carys]

It's like my body keeps throwing things for me to worry about at me and none of this will go away until I know for sure I don't have cancer,

1. No Toby, your body is throwing up normal things, it is you who is hyper examining them and imagining they are signs of something. Do you think poo is just one solid lump of plain brown puree stuck together? (sorry guys lol) It is full of bits of undigested matter (yes, peppers and all sorts of fibrous materials like sweetcorn and tomatoes), mucus, nuts, seeds and so on. If you were to pull it all apart - which is NOT something I have ever done or advocate doing AT ALL, you would most likely find it has all sorts of different coloured bits and bobs in it.

2. You DO know for sure you don't have cancer. You saw a specialist.

3. Please, if you can do just one thing to help yourself here - stop examining poo. Just stop, this is not something people do and it is so unhelpful. Just go, when you need to, and wipe your bum and go. Just leave it.