Have I got rectal cancer?

[Toby2000]

....and do you know what, even if you DID have cancer (which you certainly DON'T) would this be the way you'd like to spend the last days of your life (weeks, years..) ? People who actually do have cancer try to make the most of their time, make things happen, have fun and so on.

I don't even want to consider that happening but I admire people like that who have a better mindset than me even though they've been diagnosed with a disease

[BlueIris]

Toby, nobody can ever be sure they're cancer free, it doesn't work like that. And nobody can ever be sure that life won't slap them upside the head with something tragic. There are no guarantees, and as hard as it is, you'll never quiet the anxiety until you can come to some sort of acceptance of that.

Giving up on life over a remote possibility is ridiculous. Besides, as others have said, I bet most people would see weird stuff if they paid their excrement as much attention as you do yours.

You've told us yourself that you eat, sleep, watch TV and spend the rest of the time worrying about your bowels. Don't you think it's time you tried making a change?

[MyNameIsTerry]

It's the HAers fallacy - I'll sort this if/when I've not got xyz. Others are available e.g. kicking the can down the road, doing an ostrich impression/sticking your head in the sand, ignoring the elephant in the room, etc. Even IF you are one of these people who can accept a bigger test and move on I feel pretty safe guaranteeing you will be back with another issue and that's because of the assorted animals already mentioned. How about reading the links and trying some techniques? How about some Behavioural Activation - a couple of planned activities a day to get you moving about?

[BlueIris]

That's a great point, Terry. Again, when I'm really low, baby steps help - setting a couple of small, achievable goals in a day, even if it's just getting my hair washed or finishing a piece of jewellery.

[Pkstracy]

Toby, go for a walk, do some drawing, play some video games, read, write, put a puzzle together, find a friend to hang out with, have your mom block this site from your computer, you got the all clear and still finding something wrong, it's not your body it's your mind that has an issue, stop picking your poop apart, you are going to see food from a couple of days ago, and it's normal to see a spot of blood on tp if you are constantly wiping, as the toilet paper is rough on the back side and can cause little tears, the doctor checked you over and gave you a clean bill of health, isn't that good enough for you? He said you had a hemorrhoid. I had a friend that got diagnosed with what you fear you have, she didn't spend her time crying and worry about that her life was gone you know what she did, she lived life to the fullest, she went sky diving for the first time ever, she traveled to Ireland, she learned to play piano, she learned to surf, went scuba diving, took trips, she did chemo and you know what, she lived ten more years. she could have sat at home and cried and said poor me, poor me, and freaking out, she said you know what I am going to finally live. My beautiful friend who was healthy, ate correctly, and excersied, who had just gotten married, learned she had rectal cancer, lived her life and went how she wanted, you who has a clean bill of health is wasting your life, and could be out living life like my friend did with her last ten years. It's time to close this thread, and shut down your computer Toby and start living.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I'd be less worried about seeing what is clearly blood but this could've been clotted blood, I'm not sure what food it could've been. I wouldn't expect the bright red blood to go away but how does hemorrhoids explain what could be clotted blood?

I went again today and had a close look and there was no blood or anything that looked like that red/purpley blob to be seen. If it was a tumour bleeding surely it would be a lot of blood, especially this far in to my time experiencing symptoms - 9 months. If it is anything serious it's playing MIND GAMES with me.

I'm sorry for being ignorant about therapy. I really WISH I could just switch off, ACCEPT that multiple doctors/trained health care providers (4 GPs, 4 111 advisers, a specialist) have said that it won't be cancer but my mind just goes to those stories of people in a similar situation to me who did end up with cancer

When did a specialist review your case, including history of symptoms, and then take a look? Is it plausible a tumour could have developed since then? If not, why not?

[MyNameIsTerry]

That's a great point, Terry. Again, when I'm really low, baby steps help - setting a couple of small, achievable goals in a day, even if it's just getting my hair washed or finishing a piece of jewellery.

Yep, small steps. It is getting us back into some form of daily routine that most people may complain about yet don't understand the importance of.

It was so important an element of CBT treatment they made it a therapy all of it's own.

[Toby2000]

Hi,

I've decided to take a bit of a break from the forum

I'll probably be back at some point soon I'm sure and I'll reply to everything then

I went to the GP and I'm now on 100mg of Sertraline and he said it is possible to only see hemorrhoid blood on the stools, as you've all been saying, and the consultant made a note on the system saying he did actually see a hemorrhoid but it just wasn't big enough to band

I'm at least for now pretty reassured, I hope it continues, the only thing I'm still worried about is what if I see random spots of blood or what could be food but looks like blood that will send my mind into overdrive

But I've been doing quite well over the past couple of days

[BlueIris]

Really glad you're doing well, Toby.

One more piece of advice: stop looking at your faeces. Nobody's crap deserves that much attention.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Good to hear this, Toby. You need more time away from here and doing real life stuff.

I wouldn't worry so much about responses because this post tells us what we need to know and how you feel about it.

You are going to still be worried, it's the nature of the condition. Look back over the things we have said about this.

That is an increase to beyond the starting dose so if you have difficulty with side effects don't feel it's wrong to speak to your doctor. You didn't seem to going on your sub therapeutic dose so that is a good sign. Just take it as it comes and remember anything new, anxiety wise, popping up whilst adjusting a dose of an antidepressant will be about the med and not about you. If you need support with side effects, I'm sure we will all support you as it can be tough.