Have I got rectal cancer?

[Toby2000]

TMI warning, as always

It's happened again :(

I passed another hard motion today, it was quite difficult to pass, and when I looked at it there was blood sort of lightly smeared along the surface and in kinda embedded in the mucus. Again, it looked a more normal tone of red, but when I wiped there was no red tint on the paper unlike the time before

I then inserted my finger and there was some you know what on the end of it but there was a bit of blood on the you know what. I know that's disgusting but I was desperate

I know it's likely to be a fissure or SOMETHING like that as the start of the stool was so hard but there wasn't any trace of blood on the paper like there was yesterday

There was a little blood on the tail end of it too, and it looked as though it scraped past something bleeding as it was pushed out because the blood followed the shape that it was pushed out into- if that makes sense

Should I go back to the doctors? This all feels like one big waiting game for the cancer to make itself more obvious. I think that there's probably AT LEAST a polyp, if not a tumour, in my lower descending bowel

[Toby2000]

Anyone?

[MyNameIsTerry]

Toby,

I think in terms of toilet stuff you know because you've had tyhis discussed many times and various doctors and tests. So, asking our opinion is about self doubt and reassurance seeking. But what needs to be happening is you doing this otherwise you will always need others to add their thoughts to tick the decision box for you.

In terms of dreams I always ask the question why can such "experts" tell us some dreams are so important yet can't decipher them all? Isn't that cherry picking on their part? And what about all the failures? All those times when they have got it wrong? It's like Googling symptoms and then ignoring the rest if the page to focus on one link with cancer written on it.

This is why you need to look at your negative thinking. Understand Cognitive Distortions are and how yours operate. You should be able to see, as we do, that you are making lots of mistakes in that dept and only sucking yourself further into them with dubious information whilst ignoring more likely possibilities.

[Toby2000]

Toby,

I think in terms of toilet stuff you know because you've had tyhis discussed many times and various doctors and tests. So, asking our opinion is about self doubt and reassurance seeking. But what needs to be happening is you doing this otherwise you will always need others to add their thoughts to tick the decision box for you.

In terms of dreams I always ask the question why can such "experts" tell us some dreams are so important yet can't decipher them all? Isn't that cherry picking on their part? And what about all the failures? All those times when they have got it wrong? It's like Googling symptoms and then ignoring the rest if the page to focus on one link with cancer written on it.

This is why you need to look at your negative thinking. Understand Cognitive Distortions are and how yours operate. You should be able to see, as we do, that you are making lots of mistakes in that dept and only sucking yourself further into them with dubious information whilst ignoring more likely possibilities.

Thanks for the reply, Terry

I've told myself now that it's probably just something simple like a fissure caused by hard stools but it happens overrrrrr and over, I get a few weeks break from it and then it happens again. It feels like madness

I feel like in the long run, like 5 years time, I'll still be here and I won't have bowel cancer, but I'm still having to live with the torment of my thoughts in the moment and that's just as bad, even if deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep down I know that I'm probably okay, I still have day-to-day uncertainty and fears about cancer

Oh totally, it's definitely cherry picking. I saw some of them saying "Anyone can have a visitation dream! Just think deeply about the person you want to visit you before you sleep, and in your dreams their spirit will indeed visit you." um... how dumb.

[MyNameIsTerry]

If dreams meant much then why haven't I mass murdered anyone? I have tons of dreams with violence in...but then I've always watched loads of it on TV/movies. And why have I not been a violent person in my life?

You have to be very objective, as Carys is saying, even when it comes to "experts" in the medical field who are musing their opinions. Someone on here posted a link to one worrying because they were saying a dream about choking might mean you have a cold coming. But what of all the misses?

You can't depend on "I'll wait x years and then I'm out of the danger zone". Why? Well, what happens if you get a fear about something like asbestos? Are you going to wait until you a pensioner to say "phew, didn't happen then"? Or what about fears about losing control? Anyone could go nuts and climb the watchtower with a rifle. Are we to live in fear of what's inside? Only if you want to remain an anxious person all your life.

Forget waiting on milestones. You don't need them. You will only find another cancer and 5 years becomes 30 very quickly. And before you know it you will be in the age ranges where cancer is more prevalent which will just feed the need for fear again.

[WiseMonkey]

TMI warning, as always

It's happened again :(

I passed another hard motion today, it was quite difficult to pass, and when I looked at it there was blood sort of lightly smeared along the surface and in kinda embedded in the mucus. Again, it looked a more normal tone of red, but when I wiped there was no red tint on the paper unlike the time before

I then inserted my finger and there was some you know what on the end of it but there was a bit of blood on the you know what. I know that's disgusting but I was desperate

I know it's likely to be a fissure or SOMETHING like that as the start of the stool was so hard but there wasn't any trace of blood on the paper like there was yesterday

There was a little blood on the tail end of it too, and it looked as though it scraped past something bleeding as it was pushed out because the blood followed the shape that it was pushed out into- if that makes sense

Should I go back to the doctors? This all feels like one big waiting game for the cancer to make itself more obvious. I think that there's probably AT LEAST a polyp, if not a tumour, in my lower descending bowel

I thought you had a sigmoidoscope (which can see into the first 20 inches of the rectum-colon) done last year? Any polyps would have seen then.

We've spoken about hard stools before but here it is a second time ... get your mother to buy some Metamucil (high fibre bulking agent) and take it regularly.

[Toby2000]

If dreams meant much then why haven't I mass murdered anyone? I have tons of dreams with violence in...but then I've always watched loads of it on TV/movies. And why have I not been a violent person in my life?

You have to be very objective, as Carys is saying, even when it comes to "experts" in the medical field who are musing their opinions. Someone on here posted a link to one worrying because they were saying a dream about choking might mean you have a cold coming. But what of all the misses?

You can't depend on "I'll wait x years and then I'm out of the danger zone". Why? Well, what happens if you get a fear about something like asbestos? Are you going to wait until you a pensioner to say "phew, didn't happen then"? Or what about fears about losing control? Anyone could go nuts and climb the watchtower with a rifle. Are we to live in fear of what's inside? Only if you want to remain an anxious person all your life.

Forget waiting on milestones. You don't need them. You will only find another cancer and 5 years becomes 30 very quickly. And before you know it you will be in the age ranges where cancer is more prevalent which will just feed the need for fear again.

I've never really read into them too much, but lately I've been dreaming about my Granddad more and more. I'm not sure why. I think it's because he's one of the few people in my close family who is dead and I think about death a lot.

It's funny you should mention asbestos... I was just worrying last week about the wallpaper in my Grandma's house which looked suspiciously 'popcorn' like. I thought spending every weekend around those walls growing up would have possibly triggered colon cancer, but then learned that those weren't popcorn walls and they had been tested for asbestos and didn't contain any.

But I see your point and I agree, a new fear will always replace the old one. It's just the way it is though :(

[Toby2000]

I thought you had a sigmoidoscope (which can see into the first 20 inches of the rectum-colon) done last year? Any polyps would have seen then.

We've spoken about hard stools before but here it is a second time ... get your mother to buy some Metamucil (high fibre bulking agent) and take it regularly.

Unfortunately it was only a rigid sigmoidoscopy which can see 9.8 inches in, so of course I'm scared that the source of the blood is only a little higher

I did take your advice! I bought a maca root supplement which helps with anxiety as well as keeping things regular. I'm not sure if it's supposed to soften the movements though.. maybe I'll buy some Metamucil.

[MyNameIsTerry]

You also mentioned earlier how you've had a few good weeks and this happened despite not being anxious. But you have to remember you have built a fear within your mind that the subconscious has the ability to use whenever it scans a situation to check for a relevant response. And triggers can be subtle. Whilst that fear is there it's easy to trigger. After lots of recovery work it might be mothballed completely so it is no longer used for comparison by the subconscious. Dismantling fears takes time. But the more you work towards that the less severe the blips get. But don't think a few weeks without means it's not in the background if you haven't sorted out your fears beforehand. Some people on here have cyclic issues and some of us have more constant ones (even when further in recovery, we just have it lower level).

[WiseMonkey]

Unfortunately it was only a rigid sigmoidoscopy which can see 9.8 inches in, so of course I'm scared that the source of the blood is only a little higher

I did take your advice! I bought a maca root supplement which helps with anxiety as well as keeping things regular. I'm not sure if it's supposed to soften the movements though.. maybe I'll buy some Metamucil.

Yes Metamucil is much better and All bran for breakfast. You could ask your Dr if you could have the flexible sigmoidoscope and to put your name down for a colonoscopy. During the procedure they can fix any hemorrhoids that are seen.