Have I got rectal cancer?

[Toby2000]

No its really not. Its dumb lol

I know you've brought up before about the toy making a noise suddenly and other superstitious things, but they really are damaging to you to give any time to thinking about spiritualist theories. I'd advise starting fostering this side of you that say this is BS. The human brain, when it doesn't understand something because it is random or unusual or co-incidental, tries to assign meaning. Rather than going for the bizzarre and paranoid meaning why not just try saying - 'co-incidences happen', 'things happen for reasons I don't understand' or 'anything could have started that toy, the heat and humidity rose, the floor beneath it gave a slight wobble etc'. Its liberating to be able to be able to cast aside these superstitious paranoias, it reduces stress SO much.

Yeah... plus for this theory to be true, I'd have to accept that my Grandma is covering up the fact that he had one or two types of cancer with absolutely no mention of it to anyone else in the family, not even the slightest hint towards it. That's irrational

I have actually had thoughts in the past along the lines of "What if my Granddad died with undiagnosed bowel cancer and it's hereditary now?" so I wouldn't put it past my deep subconcious to create a dream-world where he actually had got it

[Toby2000]

Carys, what a great reply!

I'd count myself as a humanist, and Toby, I think there are so many normal explanations for this it's not worth worrying about the paranormal.

Yeah it was great! and me too. But the supernatural scares me so I can't ever ignore it

[BlueIris]

Well, why not Google James Randi and other wonderful skeptics instead?

[Toby2000]

this time next year it will be nearly 2 1/2 years since this issue started, so the longer it goes on (and you are well) the less likely you will think this is a cancer. My mother had an obsession with stomach cancer when she was in her early 30's (I was a young child). After about 5 years (of driving us crazy about having cancer) she came to the conclusion that it was just 'stomach trouble' otherwise she'd be dead. Raving on like she did in front of a young child (me) was not a healthy thing to do, but it got her some attention.

She died last year (of old age), she was 91.

Yeah.. I know. I even said to myself earlier this year that if by the end of the year I'm not hospitalized or the situation has worsened dramatically, I'll stop worrying, because 18 months is a long time to have undiagnosed bowel cancer- though it has happened

Doesn't look like that'll happen now :(

And that's an amazing age to die at. If any age is amazing? But you know what I mean. I'd love to go in my 90s but I can't in a million years imagine myself ever being that lucky

[Toby2000]

Well, why not Google James Randi and other wonderful skeptics instead?

Richard Dawkins, an atheist skeptic, helps me calm my fear of religion and afterlife when I watch his videos.

I'll check him out

[Toby2000]

I'm still so scared about the blood..

Not the blood I saw today because it was definitely from a cut near the exit, I know this because there was a slight red tinged mark on the paper when I wiped

But why do I very rarely see red tinges? And why is it never bright bright red

So many questions. I'm so tired but if I sleep now then I won't be able to sleep tonight

[BlueIris]

Just because you're scared, it doesn't mean there's anything to be afraid of.

[Toby2000]

There has to be though, when seeing the blood usually it’s never FRESH fresh red but this time when it was obviously a fissure, it was very bright and everything

I’m no blood expert but it confuses me

[Toby2000]

I'm really not functioning at the moment.

Last night I stayed up after having that dream so I'd sleep the next night. I went to sleep at 7pm this evening, woke up at 12 and now I'm panicking about being tired tomorrow when I do my studying, on top of everything bowel related

[BlueIris]

You're overthinking again, Toby. There's nothing wrong with you, just do the best you can with your studies and wait this one out.