Have I got rectal cancer?

[Scass]

I was hoping to get things back on track because I thought this worry was over but then this happens. I can barely find the motivation to leave the house never mind go to work where I'd just be thinking about cancer

Toby the way to get back on track is to get back on track. Get up, get washed and dressed and go out. Take the dog for a walk, go to the shops or the library. Stop sitting and wallowing in your fear. Fight it. Take ownership of it.


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[nomorepanic]

Toby

You have decided to give up on life at 17 - that is your choice. There is nothing we can do to stop you doing that and nothing we can say to make you change.

You have to choose your own path in life and you have decided to live with this "cancer" thing that you don't even have and not bother with anything else - again that is your choice.

Not sure what else we can say to be honest. You won't accept advice or do any self-help so it is now down to you how you want to live the next 70+ years.

I can't see how it is helpful to keep posting about your bowel movements and rubbish diet (which you won't change).

Take some time out and work out what you really want from life and then put a plan in action. Stop posting on here about cancer all the time when you know you have been given the all clear. Get out and do something.

[Toby2000]

"This" is self-induced and blown up out of all proportion to keep your issues current. Any therapist would tell you that.

I know the bleeding happened because of how much I ate but I don't know why it happened, like did I cause a fissure in my colon? Or did I cause a polyp to bleed? I have no idea which is terrifying me

[Toby2000]

Toby the way to get back on track is to get back on track. Get up, get washed and dressed and go out. Take the dog for a walk, go to the shops or the library. Stop sitting and wallowing in your fear. Fight it. Take ownership of it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

You have decided to give up on life at 17 - that is your choice. There is nothing we can do to stop you doing that and nothing we can say to make you change.

You have to choose your own path in life and you have decided to live with this "cancer" thing that you don't even have and not bother with anything else - again that is your choice.

Not sure what else we can say to be honest. You won't accept advice or do any self-help so it is now down to you how you want to live the next 70+ years.

I can't see how it is helpful to keep posting about your bowel movements and rubbish diet (which you won't change).

Take some time out and work out what you really want from life and then put a plan in action. Stop posting on here about cancer all the time when you know you have been given the all clear. Get out and do something.

I literally can't. I'm in such a state right now my days are literally the same routine because I just feel like everything is on hold because I'm "ill". I wish I could go out on a nice sunny walk without worrying about cancer, carefree, like I used to be, but I have to think about the fact that I saw blood again and that just makes me want to retreat and hide away and panic in my comfort zone rather than in a nice situation, which will just ruin my memories of the nice place ie. the countryside. If that makes sense

It's why I can barely listen to music I love because I don't want to start associating it with this mess

It feels like I'm in a hospice and I'm being asked to enjoy myself, it feels a little depressing because I'm like what's the point? I don't want to enjoy something only to know soon I won't be able to experience this anymore because I'll be dead

I want to so badly enjoy things again but I don't want to start enjoying things and start living if it means all of that is suddenly gonna be taken away from me with a cancer diagnosis. I'm so terrified

[Toby2000]

I'm really sorry I'm disappointing everyone. This probably isn't the sort of thing you want to see from me, I know you all care and want the best but this is just never ending, I feel like my body is torturing me with one thing after another

[MyNameIsTerry]

I literally can't. I'm in such a state right now my days are literally the same routine because I just feel like everything is on hold because I'm "ill". I wish I could go out on a nice sunny walk without worrying about cancer, carefree, like I used to be, but I have to think about the fact that I saw blood again and that just makes me want to retreat and hide away and panic in my comfort zone rather than in a nice situation, which will just ruin my memories of the nice place ie. the countryside. If that makes sense

It's why I can barely listen to music I love because I don't want to start associating it with this mess

It feels like I'm in a hospice and I'm being asked to enjoy myself, it feels a little depressing because I'm like what's the point? I don't want to enjoy something only to know soon I won't be able to experience this anymore because I'll be dead

I want to so badly enjoy things again but I don't want to start enjoying things and start living if it means all of that is suddenly gonna be taken away from me with a cancer diagnosis. I'm so terrified

But that's the point, you have to try. You may absolutely hate everyday but it won't change if you sit and do nothing. It won't just go away.

And besides, you have had better says as they are evidenced on this thread which suggests right now is about a peak of anxiety that will fade.

[BlueIris]

Toby, I was holding off on commenting because I'm so angry with you for ignoring all the advice you've been receiving and wilfully letting yourself slip back to square one.

You have a choice. Either give up, in which case yes, you might as well be dead already at 17, or actually pay attention and apply yourself to something for once. There aren't any miracle cures for anxiety, even with support from meds and a therapist it requires hard work and dedication.

I worry that by giving you attention, we're helping enable you to live this half-life where all you think about is your own faeces. You're almost an adult; aren't you at least a bit embarrassed?

[Toby2000]

I wasn't going to post anything on this thread about this because I just wanted to tell a few people, since after this it's going to look like I definitely have cancer

But this is basically the PM I've sent to a few people about what happened

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I am literally in shock right now

I should be screaming and crying but for some reason I'm just numb and have had enough

I went to toilet, let it fall on to some toilet paper, had a look at it and it was mushy. There were red bits in it, that I noticed at first, that I was scared was blood but upon closer inspection I think it was red vegetables or whatever from my fajitas earlier

But then I notice something different; two things actually.

One short strand of mucus with lighter but not too light red blood in

One long strand of mucus with DARK blood in

Both looked like snot/mucus from up your nose a day after a nosebleed

It was definitely blood

I don't know if it's leftover from whatever that bleed was the other day. I really don't

I'm trying not to freak out but the tears are coming, it's 5 am, I was trying to enjoy watching TV and relaxing, and now this

The stool was normally colored at least and was light brown and the bloody mucus was separate

I am at a loss. As you can see it seems like it's a bit more than hemorrhoids now. I think I'm going to go to the doctors to request a colonoscopy but I'm not sure if I want to do it today or on Thursday

I feel like I want to cry and cry and vomit because I'm so in shock but I think I'm just too used to it now that it's not phasing me as much, which is so f*cked up

I think it could be leftover blood from before since that large stool obviously caused a bit of a bleed somehow/somewhere but the smaller strand wasn't that dark so that insinuates the bleed is still going? Well I don't know because the stool wasn't exactly covered in blood, it was normal colored so the bleeding is or was obviously intermittent but I just do not know anymore.. but what if it's leftover blood from a polyp or tumor?

Is it time to just take myself to A&E? Or go to the GP and refuse to leave until I get a colonoscopy? Because this is NOT normal and I clearly have something VERY wrong going on inside me... I feel so sick with worry

[Toby2000]

Toby, I was holding off on commenting because I'm so angry with you for ignoring all the advice you've been receiving and wilfully letting yourself slip back to square one.

You have a choice. Either give up, in which case yes, you might as well be dead already at 17, or actually pay attention and apply yourself to something for once. There aren't any miracle cures for anxiety, even with support from meds and a therapist it requires hard work and dedication.

I worry that by giving you attention, we're helping enable you to live this half-life where all you think about is your own faeces. You're almost an adult; aren't you at least a bit embarrassed?

Like I say, I'm sorry for being a disappointment. I really am, something awful just happened that has set me back (above this post) even more.. I feel so sick. The last thing I can think about is a job, I just want this cancer to give me a goddamn sign, I don't know, make me bleed or put me in a state of pain until I get rushed to A/E so they can finally diagnose me so I don't have to play games with GPs for another year

EDIT: Also, just to clarify, I'm 18, 19 in September.

[Toby2000]

It's so FUNNY because just a few days ago I thought there was no way this could be cancer, everything is going well. What a laugh