Have I got rectal cancer?

[MyNameIsTerry]

I'm not going to get sectioned am I?

I will stop the irrational experiments, I only do them once in a while or so and they're not harmful, I don't feel the absolute need to do them and every "compulsion" is one off

Anyway, it's official, next month I'm doing my A Levels, so I'll finally have something else to do

No, of course not. Look at WiredIncorrectly threads to see just how hard it is to get into that even when you do harm yourself.

We realise these events are quite spread out but we are just concerned for you. These types of compulsions, in my view, are moving more into the type of territory where we see people bleaching their hands to clean them or someone with ROCD monitoring a partners communications.

Glad to hear you are getting back into your education. You now have the support of your therapist too.

[BlueIris]

Toby, not sure if this will help, but I told one of my therapists about some fairly extreme self-checking behaviours I had - not going to mention them here but they were at the more irrational/harmful end of what we see on NMP.

It took me weeks to admit it, and she didn't even bat an eye - just suggested ways to relieve the urge less harmfully when I couldn't overcome the need to check.

No sectioning, not even any sort of expression of disgust or revulsion, because I'm not disgusting or revolting, and neither are you.

[pulisa]

I thought that you were just having therapy by telephone, Toby?

How on earth will you be able to study for your A levels at home with no professional tuition?

[pulisa]

I'd still say "flush and go" and then use the therapeutic tools and techniques for dealing with the anxiety which comes afterwards due to not checking etc. No use prolonging the actual act of flushing.

[Dying_Swan]

1 - I mean, pricking my finger may be irrational but it's not harmful. There are worse compulsions out there, and I don't plan on doing it again- it was just to see what true fresh blood would look like on the stool
2 - Next month I'm doing my A Levels and I'm going to have to teach them to myself at home and in that time I plan on getting into a more normal routine and maybe eating healthier

No, I don't think anyone's going to section you. It's exactly as Terry said, about quite extreme behaviours. I'm not shocked and am not judging you. I'm just worried for you, because you're young and I think being stuck indoors as you are, you have a bit of a breeding ground for anxiety problems. I'm very glad you're having therapy and that you're being honest with your therapist. Some of the things you've done could have caused you harm, but those things are done so let's not worry about what's done. What you choose to do with your own body is up to you, it's the reason you're doing it which is concerning. I was just hoping that you'd recognise the irrational nature of it.

Good to know you're starting A-levels soon and will work on your routine. I see the commitment to improving your diet is tentative... You're "maybe" going to start eating healthier. Again that's up to you, but obviously your health would improve if you did.

[nomorepanic]

I don't think doing your A-levels alone is a good idea to be honest. Why aren't you doing it the right way and going to college?

[BlueIris]

Honestly, as an FE person it isn't something I'd advise, either. I'm not a teacher, but I work very closely with teachers for people Toby's age, and I see the great work they do to help students achieve their potential.

I worry that this is another example of Toby refusing to accept that anybody else might know better than he does.

[Dying_Swan]

Totally agree, Nic and Iris. I know there is an issue with some social anxiety and Asperger's, but feel that the social aspect and structure of going to college could be really beneficial. Toby, remind me why you stopped going before? I'd hate to be giving advice that would make things worse.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I don't have the knowledge of Asperger's so always defer to people like pulisa on this, and Carys who I know has worked with SEN kids. My thoughts are that I am concerned education will struggle when it will be all too tempting to become depressd about being at home with fears.

But I also understand how my own anxiety made work impossible and how it can take time to get back into social settings, and that's without the ASD side to work on.

I will be interested to hear from those who know more about that.

[Toby2000]

Thank you everyone for your replies

I think they all address the same thing so I'll bundle my replies into one

I REALLY want to do my A Levels because it's something I can commit to and it's something that's realistic for me, the two subjects I'm studying I'm really good at and I'd much rather put my, I guess talents, to use rather than spend the next couple of years working in retail or volunteering getting nowhere. My end goal is to get a proper job that involves writing or something

I can't go back to college because I have a history of, well, not being the most punctual or dedicated student but that's got more to do with feeling sluggish due to my worries and feeling like it wasn't worth it and it was a chore to go in every morning, BUT if I do my A Levels at home I'll be able to do them at my own pace etc rather than going to college for a few months and then end up dropping out

Unfortunately, my parents share the same opinion as everyone else in the sense that I should get a job, but I just can't do that right now, it's not realistic for me.. if I did I would end up quitting eventually and I really want to just get on with my A Levels, which I'll be paying for out of my savings, rather than getting a small job that'll just make me worry

During this time I plan on enforcing some strategies to help with my obsessive health anxiety, sort of like what I'm doing now with the no googling, but I also want to eat better and develop a better outlook on life with a normal sleep schedule, maybe taking my dog out on walks

Yesterday was really awful for me... I had several arguments with my parents and now I'm also scared I'm losing weight again, I accidentally read a bowel cancer story that someone re-posted on social media so that triggered me and I just think it's a real stretch to imagine that this bleeding is just hemorrhoids, it helped when I told myself that the rigid sigmoidoscopy was clear, but then I even started thinking "What if he missed something?"

I feel better today so I guess it was just a blip/bad day yesterday, but this whole thing in general is just making me feel like hell