Have I got rectal cancer?

[KK77]

I may well regret this Toby but clarify something, are you picking faeces out of the pan and wiping blood along them, or crapping on loo roll before carrying out your tests? Please read your post again, speak to your mum or whoever you trust and tell your gp and therapist everything. Does it not strike you as a teeny bit unusual to be pin pricking your finger and wiping blood on a fresh stool?
I'm off out soon so don't feel obliged to answer but you're heading for a real, serious illness if you carry on.

It is certainly rather disturbing going to these extreme lengths to convince/reassure yourself, Toby, and this saga shows no sign of ending any time soon. The more you give in to these compulsions, the more entrenched and difficult to unravel they become.

And you know very well yourself that 'stopping Googling' means ceasing to search/research anything related to your HA and obsessions in general, not restricting it to just 'horror stories' re bowel/rectal cancer.

You are only cheating yourself

[MyNameIsTerry]

Have you told your therapist about these more unusual compulsions (eating bits of poo, cutting yourself for experiments and inserting your finger into your bum to find blood)?

[Dying_Swan]

Hi Toby.

Please, please talk to your therapist about your "experiments".

Couple of questions for you.

1 - Do you think the compulsive behaviours Terry has listed above are rational or irrational/extreme?
2 - Have you made any attempts with other things people have suggested, like finding a hobby or improving your diet/routine?

[Toby2000]

You need to stop calling them symptoms and start referring to them as sensations. It's an important semantic difference and it'll really help re-frame what you're feeling.

Noted, I guess symptoms was the wrong choice of wording

[Toby2000]

I may well regret this Toby but clarify something, are you picking faeces out of the pan and wiping blood along them, or crapping on loo roll before carrying out your tests? Please read your post again, speak to your mum or whoever you trust and tell your gp and therapist everything. Does it not strike you as a teeny bit unusual to be pin pricking your finger and wiping blood on a fresh stool?
I'm off out soon so don't feel obliged to answer but you're heading for a real, serious illness if you carry on.

No, sometimes I let it drop on to the paper just to see if there's any blood and then I put it in the toilet

I'm sorry, yes I've told my therapist, but it's not that bad. I wouldn't ever do anything really drastic to myself

[Toby2000]

Have you told your therapist about these more unusual compulsions (eating bits of poo, cutting yourself for experiments and inserting your finger into your bum to find blood)?

I haven't ever consumed poo, just a little bit ages ago to be sure if it was blood or not. The cutting was just a tiny pinprick and, people insert fingers and other things inside themselves for sexual pleasure sometimes.. not that I do. But it's not exactly harmful. But that was just to see if it was hemorrhoids bleeding or not and I've only done in a couple of times

The therapist is aware and she said the only person who can do anything about it is myself, and that I need to just point blank say no to myself, looking in the bowl is okay as long as I flush straight after but I should stop the compulsions

I will stop, I mean I don't enjoy doing it and it's strange but that's how desperate it can become in looking for answers

[Toby2000]

It is certainly rather disturbing going to these extreme lengths to convince/reassure yourself, Toby, and this saga shows no sign of ending any time soon. The more you give in to these compulsions, the more entrenched and difficult to unravel they become.

And you know very well yourself that 'stopping Googling' means ceasing to search/research anything related to your HA and obsessions in general, not restricting it to just 'horror stories' re bowel/rectal cancer.

You are only cheating yourself

Thanks for giving your opinion... you're right, it's too far, things are calming down right now because I have to get on and do things next month education related etc so I think that will form as a distraction

I guess you're right about the googling, searching a symptom now and then doesn't bother me, it really is just the horror stories but I mean I'll mention it to my therapist and make an effort

[Toby2000]

Hi Toby.

Please, please talk to your therapist about your "experiments".

Couple of questions for you.

1 - Do you think the compulsive behaviours Terry has listed above are rational or irrational/extreme?
2 - Have you made any attempts with other things people have suggested, like finding a hobby or improving your diet/routine?

1 - I mean, pricking my finger may be irrational but it's not harmful. There are worse compulsions out there, and I don't plan on doing it again- it was just to see what true fresh blood would look like on the stool
2 - Next month I'm doing my A Levels and I'm going to have to teach them to myself at home and in that time I plan on getting into a more normal routine and maybe eating healthier

[Toby2000]

I'm not going to get sectioned am I?

I will stop the irrational experiments, I only do them once in a while or so and they're not harmful, I don't feel the absolute need to do them and every "compulsion" is one off

Anyway, it's official, next month I'm doing my A Levels, so I'll finally have something else to do

[MyNameIsTerry]

The point is you are using more invasive compulsions than the average OCDer. Yes, you have eaten something that was in your poo and that is very unhealthy. We can argue sexual practices amount to little different but it's more the act itself here and why you are doing it. Cutting may be the wrong word, it's only a pinprick, but it's still invasive and going to the length of retrieving poo to smear it with your blood isn't exactly on a par with some Googling. YEs, people shove all sorts up their bums but they do that for pleasure and not because they feel they need to self examine.

What we are saying is that these are potentially escalating compulsions and more unusual than the usual Googling, touching, checking, etc that are seen in compulsions. It's like someone with a confession ritual in Hit & Run OCD actually calling the police. It represents going beyond a boundary many won't cross and it brings into question your insight into where the line is. Another member was shoving medical equipment into her vagina to inspect it. Things get shoved up there for pleasure but it's about the willingness to progress over a boundary into something more invasive that potentially opens the door to other unhealthy practices. Most wouldn't think of it or halt themselves.

I'm glad your therapist is aware of these things because they need to understand it's more than just Googling that needs tackling here. These more invasive compulsions need halting sooner than some Googling in my opinion.

So, what strategies is your therapist employing? Simply saying it's up to you and to flush is a cop out of their part as there are techniques & tools to do just this and they should be showing you them.