Have I got rectal cancer?

[Toby2000]

I also put an old charger wire up there (folded over so it’s thick enough to go up), which I did because I was nervous about what a colonoscopy would feel like) and it didn’t hurt or anything and there was no blood on the end which was good. It went quite far in. I had to check to see if I was actively bleeding too

[Toby2000]

If I went to A&E would they do anything that might help me? Like a scan?

[nomorepanic]

Toby - you are self-harming now and this is not good at all.

Please go and talk to your mum or another adult about this behaviour.

A&E will not do a scan

[KK77]

I also put an old charger wire up there (folded over so it’s thick enough to go up), which I did because I was nervous about what a colonoscopy would feel like) and it didn’t hurt or anything and there was no blood on the end which was good. It went quite far in. I had to check to see if I was actively bleeding too

What's got into you, Toby! I hope the cable was clean - and I doubt that would give you an idea of procedure

[Toby2000]

I don’t know I truly think I’m losing it

It’s the desperation of knowing that this is so close to me and inside me but I can’t see it and I could be bleeding inside right now

I wasn’t self harming I was just seeing if there would be blood on the end which is obviously weird but my mind is so messed up recently

[Carys]

Toby, this is definitely not good at all. Fingers, charger wires and, lets be honest, you've probably tried other things too....and more than once! This in itself could be causing bleeding! Your 'testing' over the last few months could be damaging. ( I don't see it as self-harming, self-harming is a deliberate act to cause harm in order to alleviate anxiety and deal with emotional distress, this is invasive 'testing')

[nomorepanic]

Ok maybe I had the wrong choice of words but shoving things up your backside is harming himself internally.

[Carys]

Yep, that much is true ! for sure.

[BlueIris]

Toby, this is a sign you've spiralled too far. It's completely irrational behaviour, and you need to tell your mum.

[Toby2000]

I’ll stop doing it, I’ll wait to see if there’s any blood on my... you know, stool

I’ve only recently started invasively testing so I don’t think this is what caused the blood every time

I get the concern though NMP it’s not healthy behaviour, I know this, it’s just so frustrating, I desperately want to know what’s going on inside me

I rang the surgery the other day and apparently the gp hasn’t yet referred me but it’s in her to do list which is on the system, I asked the receptionist. I wish she’d have some urgency about it