Have I got rectal cancer?

[Toby2000]

It’s 4am and my eyes are incredibly tired so I’ll try and get some sleep now and reply to the rest of the replies tomorrow

[KK77]

People who are positive are amazing, I envy them, I wish I could have their mindset even if I may not have cancer but unfortunately I’m naturally negative. I would see a diagnosis as a definite death sentence which is why above all else, I don’t want to be diagnosed because there would be no coming back for me :( Not that it is a death sentence but I’d just be scared of recurrence even if it was treatable

This is part of anxiety - thinking and believing that things will always remain as bad as they are or get worse. You're still young and have plenty of time ahead of you before you have to deal with such physical illnesses and death. So you have time to work on your anxiety and change your negative outlook. But right now you cannot see or believe this because your mind is so focused and obsessed on suffering and death. I also agree with Pulisa in that your AS must contribute to obsessional thoughts/anxiety disorder.

You must give chance for med to work and slowly wean yourself off reassurance seeking, ruminating and documenting symptoms on here.

[Toby2000]

Sorry for the late reply, I’ve had a couple of good days and when that happens, rarely, I try and stay off the forum for as long as I can.

Some good news: the specialist appointment is on 24th April.

To all the other people who replied, I think if I replied separately I’d be repeating myself a lot, so I’ll just say that I feel like I’m doing much better now, my BMs are seeming more normal, my only concern is the ache after finishing and passing mucus but I think the ache is muscle related from anxiety. Thanks everyone for the concern.

Carys, yeah I literally filled every waking moment with cancer all the time and I still do even now I’m not as worried, but in a broader sense in being scared of death in general and thinking about it a lot. And my fear hasn’t completely gone unfortunately but it’s going- I just don’t want to say “Oh so I don’t have cancer!” and then have it surprise me when I get scoped

Pulisa, yep it’s very isolating. I don’t think my AS is as high functioning as some people’s but it can definitely have an impact, I’m introverted and hate going out just because I prefer staying in sometimes which can mean I’m cooped up a lot and that can mean a lot of ruminating

And KK77 I think this change in mindset is because of the meds tbh, today I was given another two months worth on the same dose 50mg so hopefully it keeps up

I don’t know if I’ve caught every reply because this new format is strange to use on phones but if I missed you, thank you for the concern and I’ve definitely read it

[BlueIris]

Toby, so glad to hear you've been doing a little better!

[pulisa]

Yes it's really good news! Keep reading through your last post if you have a wobble? Glad you have a date for the gastro consultant.

[Elen]

Good news Toby and thanks for updating us.

On an even more positive note you are at a very low level of medication and this can be increased quite a bit if need be.

[Toby2000]

Thanks everyone, I’m getting a little more worried now because of this rectal sensation. It could be psychosomatic though because I’ve had headaches in the past that didn’t go because I kept thinking about it / thinking it was a tumour

Also my “stomach pains” or vague sensations have disappeared completely now

If I asked the doctor to up my dose, would they? Because I’ve just been given another 2 months of 50mg sertraline

[Toby2000]

Unfortunately I’ve started worrying again

The discomfort is coming from inside my rectum and when I felt inside, it feels like maybe it’s prostate irritation? Or that’s giving me the sensation of a lump.. but obviously I don’t know that for sure so I’m telling myself it’s a tumour a little further down

Also over the past few days my stools have been pretty thin which suggests that a tumour could be narrowing them

And obviously the rectal bleeding over the months which I still don’t have an explanation for :(

[KK77]

You are speculating, ruminating and theorising again. Your assumptions are baseless and flimsy guesswork, and somewhere inside, you know all this. Accept that you're getting intrusive thoughts, instead of letting your imagination run wild, when they pop up in your head.

You have to start making a stand and challenging these thoughts, Toby!

[Toby2000]

True, now it's when I strain I think I can feel my rectal wall naturally like close in or whatever and that's making me think there's a lump I can feel. I can have some really good days but then I can have really bad nights, but in general I've been much better and I'm starting to feel more optimistic. 26 days to go until the specialist appointment so the end is in sight.. unless it turns out I do have a bowel disease but I'm hoping that isn't the case of course