Have I got rectal cancer?

[Toby2000]

Toby will be living on greens, nuts & berries that he’s learnt to forage while going for his daily walks, so my points will all be worthless. Or maybe they are just worthless anyway.

This first part made me laugh. I don't want to sound shaaaaadddddy but that seems to be what's expected of me nowI think I'll definitely eat more fibre to avoid seeing blood (an apple and banana a day I think) and drink more water although I do drink a lot of water already

Your points aren't worthless at all Scass, I'm so grateful for your advice, and I definitely will ask questions about hemorrhoids next time I go to the doctors on Friday

[Toby2000]

I’m happy to delete my posts if they trouble you.

They don't at all.

I also appreciate Fishmanpa's posts too but unfortunately anxiety can't just be turned off. I have said that I'm going to start looking at therapy options because I know there'll be no further tests so I need help accepting the diagnosis and hopefully to move away from cancer if that's definitely what I don't have.

[BlueIris]

They don't at all.

I also appreciate Fishmanpa's posts too but unfortunately anxiety can't just be turned off. I have said that I'm going to start looking at therapy options because I know there'll be no further tests so I need help accepting the diagnosis and hopefully to move away from cancer because that's definitely what I don't have.

Fixed that for you

[Carys]

Good work BLue !

[Toby2000]

Fixed that for you

I was going to type that but it still feels weird thinking that it was probably hemorrhoids!

[Toby2000]

I know deep down now that it is hemorrhoids but my mind is just looking for reasons to worry, like why didn't the doctor outright just say "You have hemorrhoids?" why did he say "I saw one of your hemorrhoid veins was slightly larger than the other". Was it guess work then that at some point it could've enlarged? If it's only slightly is that still big enough to make it a problem?

I KNOW I'm being annoying here and I'm annoying myself too but it just feels like I'm too unlucky when it comes to my bowels (don't want to sound insensitive here, I know there are people in worse situations than me, I don't mean it completely literally- the sentiment is that I just feel like my bowels have been cursed over the past 9 months) and it's bound to end up being cancer in the end rather than something simple.

[Toby2000]

Sometimes being good at English Language / Literature is a bad thing when you analyse and pick apart words ("slightly") in situations like these

[BlueIris]

What you have to remember, Toby, is that people don't pick and choose each word for its specific impact. You're in the clear, leave it alone and find something more fun to do.

[Scass]

Fixed that for you

Brilliant

You’ll be alright Toby.
I forgot to ask the consultant a few things when I went for my internal scan. All the while I was worrying about it I had some of the symptoms of the things I was worrying about. Our anxiety brains are incredibly clever & sneaky that way. But within a week or so of getting the all clear I was nearly symptom free because I had stopped worrying about it!

I have a gastric type condition that is affected by what I eat. I know this and yet sometimes I eat badly and it affects me. So that’s what you have to keep in mind; when your diet is poor it will most likely affect your bowels. That’s it in the simplest terms. We do have to take responsibility for what we put in our mouths. Perhaps a little research on foods you like that have fibre in?


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[Fishmanpa]

I know deep down now that it is hemorrhoids but my mind is just looking for reasons to worry, like why didn't the doctor outright just say "You have hemorrhoids?" why did he say "I saw one of your hemorrhoid veins was slightly larger than the other". Was it guess work then that at some point it could've enlarged? If it's only slightly is that still big enough to make it a problem?

You clarified it by asking and got a definitive answer. By your own admission, your bowel issues had calmed quite a bit prior to the appointment so of course your hemmies wouldn't have been as swollen. There's been a 1+1=2 reaction throughout this 130 page book. You eat like shit and you shit blood. Then you fall deeper into the rabbit hole and add to that the constant stress and here you are. Look at what its done to you so far! I understand you can't just switch off years of constant anxiety but now you have an assault rifle to fire back concerning this worry. Its scientific fact and cannot be disputed.

Most of all, now you have no excuse whatsoever to address your anxiety and diet. Go back and read this thread. Seriously read it. Step back from yourself and read it like it wasn't you that wrote all of this. Look at your behaviors, countless spirals, irrational thoughts, conclusions and the extreme behaviors it caused.

One of the huge advantages you have is that you're young. You have a chance to recover from what is and has been a debilitating mental issue going back many years. Also take a look at a recent thread here and note the similarities. The patterns are exactly the same. Perhaps help that young man who is where you were see the path he's on.
There's no sense nor benefit to drag this on. None whatsoever . Your GP will reiterate what we've been saying all along and recommend the same course of action. You can voice your concerns and doubts all you want but frankly, now, there's a factual scientific explanation so you'd be taking the piss by doing so. Time to shit or get off the pot (pun intended).

Positive thoughts