Have I got rectal cancer?

[MyNameIsTerry]

Been there, done that. Making plans is terrifying when you're convinced everything is going to come crashing down around you. Personally, I'm terrified of unemployment which is why I struggle to take on direct debits, book holidays or generally do anything that involves paying later.

Life goes on, though, and it carries us with it.

I have a load of that. I would save and save and save. Hit a target and just lift it to a new goal and start again. It was one of the criteria my therapist noted as present in OCPD, which I don't have, and for me it dates back to finding myself in debt as a young man and working very hard to pay it all off.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I can definitely tolerate them but I'm just scared they won't go away and that it'll turn out to be something worse

Or I end up being my own worst enemy, as always, and the pain lingers because I'm anxious and I'm subconsciously creating that pain

You have to wait and see. If side effects don't go away then talk to your GP as they will likely try a switch.

At this point all you can do is try to accept it happens during this perioid and come back to it after you know you are out of that phase.

[BlueIris]

I have a load of that. I would save and save and save. Hit a target and just lift it to a new goal and start again. It was one of the criteria my therapist noted as present in OCPD, which I don't have, and for me it dates back to finding myself in debt as a young man and working very hard to pay it all off.

(Sorry for derailing, Toby)

Yeah, I was unemployed for a few periods with no savings, and the fear associated with the Job Centre and the humiliation of their so-called help programmes has never left me. My earnings aren't great these days but they're more than enough for necessities (plus a few luxuries!) but I still get guilty and nervous about buying a cup of coffee at work.

[Lana]

Toby,

I am angry because I think you are doing a serious damage to yourself. You know that there are statistics out there what googling health symptoms did to so many people. And yes, many of the things are plain stupid, and a lie. What may look like a legitimate answer, for all we know, might be an old wives tale. If you want to look for a medical answer, you go to Mayo Clinic web site, or NIH, or what the equivalents are in Britain. I know what Internet did for my HA. So, I am sorry if I came across as angry - I am not angry at you, I am angry at what you have been doing to yourself, because I was at that very place. As to anxiety, when it is chronic, it is all present , and omnipotent. You may think you are perfectly at peace, but HA is still working hard.

[Fishmanpa]

Mentally it feels like everything is on hold until I get through everything, my colon cancer worry, the worry about my mum

So I get that your anxiety appears to be ramped up. It was the same when you started the meds but for goodness sakes! You've been saying that for months and you have a medically definitive all clear for yourself! The very notion that your mother has it is pure fantasy. The fact is nothing has changed!

You said this on May 24th:

I've decided to take a bit of a break from the forum

The reality is, with the exception of a two day break, you've been online here everyday since and started back into your pattern of doubt and reassurance seeking posts. I feel as do several others that this thread is detrimental to you and your recovery efforts. As long as your dragon is being fed, it won't go anywhere.

You also said you were to set the assessment appointment today. Details? Time and date set?

Positive thoughts

[Toby2000]

Been there, done that. Making plans is terrifying when you're convinced everything is going to come crashing down around you. Personally, I'm terrified of unemployment which is why I struggle to take on direct debits, book holidays or generally do anything that involves paying later.

Life goes on, though, and it carries us with it.

Yes :(

I feel like if I want to commit to something like A Levels I want to be able to do it without feeling like I'm going to die otherwise I'll just end up dropping out again, so I was hoping I'd get it all dusted this Summer but clearly not

Hopefully therapy can help, I'm very skeptical about it and I don't think it'll work for me but I'll stick with it.

[Toby2000]

You have to wait and see. If side effects don't go away then talk to your GP as they will likely try a switch.

At this point all you can do is try to accept it happens during this perioid and come back to it after you know you are out of that phase.

Yep.

I'd hate to change though because Sertraline works for me pretty well, after the side effects went the first time my whole life changed or at least took a very dramatic turn from where I was at before

[Toby2000]

Toby,

I am angry because I think you are doing a serious damage to yourself. You know that there are statistics out there what googling health symptoms did to so many people. And yes, many of the things are plain stupid, and a lie. What may look like a legitimate answer, for all we know, might be an old wives tale. If you want to look for a medical answer, you go to Mayo Clinic web site, or NIH, or what the equivalents are in Britain. I know what Internet did for my HA. So, I am sorry if I came across as angry - I am not angry at you, I am angry at what you have been doing to yourself, because I was at that very place. As to anxiety, when it is chronic, it is all present , and omnipotent. You may think you are perfectly at peace, but HA is still working hard.

I know, and it's okay I understand, it's frustrating seeing people/me spiral

I could definitely believe that HA is always at play, I know it affects the GI tract subconsciously, at least for me, even when I'm not panicking about it, if it's even subconsciously on my mind it can, for me, cause constipation a lot of the time

[Toby2000]

So I get that your anxiety appears to be ramped up. It was the same when you started the meds but for goodness sakes! You've been saying that for months and you have a medically definitive all clear for yourself! The very notion that your mother has it is pure fantasy. The fact is nothing has changed!

You said this on May 24th:



The reality is, with the exception of a two day break, you've been online here everyday since and started back into your pattern of doubt and reassurance seeking posts. I feel as do several others that this thread is detrimental to you and your recovery efforts. As long as your dragon is being fed, it won't go anywhere.

You also said you were to set the assessment appointment today. Details? Time and date set?

Positive thoughts

I don't come on here as often anymore though, it's once or twice every few days, more recently it's been a little more often because of these pains

And my assessment appointment is Friday at 2pm.

[Fishmanpa]

I don't come on here as often anymore though, it's once or twice every few days, more recently it's been a little more often because of these pains

And my assessment appointment is Friday at 2pm.

Great to hear about the appointment. Make sure to update everyone as to what they said and the next steps. I know everyone wants to see you start to recover.

Toby, please... I know for a fact you've been on nearly every day and sometimes multiple times a day reading threads and posting more frequently in the last week

Positive thoughts