Have I got rectal cancer?

[Scass]

It's so FUNNY because just a few days ago I thought there was no way this could be cancer, everything is going well. What a laugh

I know you’re desperate and scared, but it’s not cancer.
Good idea to go back to your doctor though because they may be able to help with your current panic. Plus at least it’ll get you out of the house.


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[MyNameIsTerry]

The same pattern as would be expected. You are largely untreated in terms of your anxiety and until you are working on recovery the expectation (at least my own) is you will just bounce between trigger events digging yourself into a bigger hole. Just like the rest on here. You know A&E won't help you, they won't help you if you actually had cancer if it's outside the remit of emergency treatment, so why waste their time and yours? A&E visits are reassurance seeking exercises for more fever pitch anxiety. Sit it out, it will pass. If you need a doctor you should be seeing your GP.

[Toby2000]

I know you’re desperate and scared, but it’s not cancer.
Good idea to go back to your doctor though because they may be able to help with your current panic. Plus at least it’ll get you out of the house.


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Thanks, It has to be something though, right? There was literally a long string of mucus with darker red blood in it. Could've been leftover from the bleed before** but the bleed in itself is a problem, what I just saw just added to the alarm factor.

**Plus there was a smaller strand with what seemed like slightly less dark blood in it meaning the bleeding must've happened recently. Possibly not, I don't know, but it wasn't the same shade as the darker red strand meaning it could've happened since I last went to toilet and bled which was well over 24 hours ago now

I don't think they would be able to calm the panic anymore than they already are because they can't definitely tell me I don't have cancer and they've already prescribed me antidepressants. Also leaving the house isn't always good because last time I went to the doctors, or the time before last time, it was to talk about possible weight loss and I was just on a depressing misery walk the entire journey there

[BlueIris]

So, you've made your choice, then.

[Toby2000]

The same pattern as would be expected. You are largely untreated in terms of your anxiety and until you are working on recovery the expectation (at least my own) is you will just bounce between trigger events digging yourself into a bigger hole. Just like the rest on here. You know A&E won't help you, they won't help you if you actually had cancer if it's outside the remit of emergency treatment, so why waste their time and yours? A&E visits are reassurance seeking exercises for more fever pitch anxiety. Sit it out, it will pass. If you need a doctor you should be seeing your GP.

I know it's the least of my problems now but my "nice" pair of jeans ripped and I have to wear ugly ones, or at least ugly in my opinion, if I was to to go to the GP and I'm scared I'd look like an idiot. I already have bad anxiety about my appearance and making a fool of myself etc, usually I just get a taxi there but my mum said no taxi, if I want to go I have to walk or get the bus.

I know if I sit it out it will fade in with the rest of the worry and add to the ever growing big mosaic consisting of all elements of this worry but that won't make it any less real

I'm just so shocked that still no one thinks this is cancer

[Toby2000]

So, you've made your choice, then.

I mean, I really respect what you have to say but look at it from my perspective, I've just seen a great big long strand of mucus with dark blood in it after seeing blood two days prior when wiping and a little in the looser stool. I can't think about anything else

Of course I want to live and to apply myself, that WAS my plan before this mess a few days ago, but what's the point when I have this going on in the background? Would you be able to pretend all is well if your worst fear happened or was slowly starting to look like it was coming true- my worst fear is dying of cancer and here I am, with symptoms of colon cancer. It's so surreal to type that but that's the sickening reality :(

[MyNameIsTerry]

The point is that right now you are falling into the same traps as you have on multiple occasions in this thread alone. Anxiety will come & go in intensity, on a reduced day you will find yourself more able to rationalise. Therefore you apply a waiting period to remove all this emotional reasoning seen when a cycle kicks off.

[BlueIris]

Really shouldn't be engaging with you, but if I thought my worst fear was happening, the first thing I'd do would be to check whether the fear was a rational one.

Yes, this has happened to me, and yes, that's what I've done. I made sure the fear was irrational (as yours is) by touching base with people who were saner than I was at the time. On the occasions that didn't help, I then touched base with a GP, explaining my fears and also my anxiety issues. Once that was sorted, I put the original fear out of my mind and got on with my life, including pushing through the anxiety.

At no point did I consider giving up on life, not least because I have to fund the roof over my head and my own junk food supplies.

[Toby2000]

The point is that right now you are falling into the same traps as you have on multiple occasions in this thread alone. Anxiety will come & go in intensity, on a reduced day you will find yourself more able to rationalise. Therefore you apply a waiting period to remove all this emotional reasoning seen when a cycle kicks off.

It will definitely come and go, it always has before, like I say it'll fade away in a few days and I'll accept it but even still where do I go from there? Do I just wait until the next incident? I know everyone is against this idea but I'm very tempted to try and get money for a private colonoscopy. If I'm not allowed access to my adult savings I could get money somehow, by selling some of my things or videos of me sneezing to people with sneezing fetishes (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAirrc7sQqU).

[Toby2000]

Really shouldn't be engaging with you, but if I thought my worst fear was happening, the first thing I'd do would be to check whether the fear was a rational one.

Yes, this has happened to me, and yes, that's what I've done. I made sure the fear was irrational (as yours is) by touching base with people who were saner than I was at the time. On the occasions that didn't help, I then touched base with a GP, explaining my fears and also my anxiety issues. Once that was sorted, I put the original fear out of my mind and got on with my life, including pushing through the anxiety.

At no point did I consider giving up on life, not least because I have to fund the roof over my head and my own junk food supplies.

I'm sorry if I'm coming off as rude or something. I just think you're stronger than me and have probably had more experience. This fear just feels 10000x worse than anything I've ever experienced before because it's literally possibly life or death

I guess from a therapy point of view I can't do more than wait for the sessions to begin which won't be for a month or even longer.