Have I got rectal cancer?

[MyNameIsTerry]

Not even sneezing porn, it's simply innocent sneezing that some people get off on

I suppose you're right, already now I feel a little better. I just went to toilet and no more obvious signs of blood I don't think, except something mushy and dark luminous seeming red that I tasted (I know that's disgusting but I was desperate) and it didn't seem like blood, it had a slight fleshy texture, and surprise surprise, I only see whatever that was after having something like pizza or in this case, fajitas, last night. So that reassured me

Now I have to wait for myself to feel really happy again and then it'll hit me all over again that yup... I DID just see a long strand of mucus with dark red blood in it. Yippee It feels like a surreal nightmare

I did think though... that bowel movement yesterday was triggered by eating A LOT** of junk food and it HURT multiple times and I held that in. And I know at least a little bit/the start of it was hard so it could've caused a cut or something in the lining of my colon causing a bleed

**
If you wanna see everything I ate, here are the EXACT products:

- 5x small chocolate bars
- Lemon Meringue Pie that is supposed to serve 6..
- 2 sausage/bean/cheese bakes
- 2 of these smaller steak pies
- 3 apples
- 4 bags of crisps

and maybe some leftover food that didn't leave my system from the BM before that

I'm not proud of it, but I really do just eat junk, somehow I'm not "fat" yet which I think is why I carry on since it sometimes feels like it has no effect on me, I was so determined to change my diet before I lost motivation again. I'll still make an effort though

I am going on Friday. I'm very happy to tell them how extreme my anxiety is getting over this, is it possible for them to fast track therapy or is that selfish?

And yes it's disgusting but it's not illegal nor does it break obscenity laws or anything so I won't be like, detained, plus it was just a little bit because otherwise I would have no idea if it was blood or not. There was no feces on it

People eat Haggis (a Scottish dish consisting of a sheep's or calf's offal mixed with suet, oatmeal, and seasoning and boiled in a bag, traditionally one made from the animal's stomach.) and Snails so it's not that bad

Except that food is cooked. Unless you are Hannibal Lecter I will assume you didn't reach for the frying pan when eating what came out of your bottom.

If you find yourself ill shortly then head for your GP to deal with the possible bug you may end up with for eating this.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I don't know how to stop googling... I have basically nothing to reassure me anymore like I did after the appointment so every time I google or look something to do with colon cancer up my last remaining ounce of happiness in that moment will disappear

I know it sounds stupid but my mind FORCES me to google, like I need to satisfy the horrible urge.

How can I stop myself from doing it, it's the stuff of nightmares

I know how this feels, mine was the same. Whilst Googling has never been an issue for me my others felt like I was physically being pulled.

What you can do is take yourself out of that situation. Insert waiting time to distance the point between the trigger thoughts and the compulsion. Given how you are only starting out with recovery alternative actions such as taking yourself away from the temptation would be better for you. So, go and do something and do it for 15 minutes.

You need to get and do some stuff. Anything. Go do some cleaning for your mum, I'm sure she would appreciate some help. But get up and doing things. You won't stop yourself in this cycle if you are sitting in front of a computer.

[MrsEd]

The thought of you eating your own poo...

My mums is stage 4. She is still here and doesnt plan on going anywhere for a while. Plesse just start living your life.

[nomorepanic]

You are almost enjoying this too much Toby. You like to tell us about the rubbish you eat and now you are eating your own poo - surely this is a new low even for you??

Please stop this destructive behaviour and get help now!

[Carys]

You did WHAT? you got some 'item' out of your own poo and tasted it to see if it was food! Come on Toby, you should have stopped yourself WAY before doing that - and told yourself how it was a rather dumb and revolting idea. Checking and pushing 'bits' around to assess is one thing, THAT is quite another. Toby, do something about the complete rubbish you are eating, you demonstrate an appalling diet and then wonder why you have intermittent constipation and the runs, that yes, set off hemmi bleeding.

[Elen]

My mums is stage 4. She is still here and doesnt plan on going anywhere for a while.

So sorry to hear about your Mum MrsED

[pulisa]

You must be very proud of your Mum's strength, MrsEd.

Stop posting to get a reaction, Toby.

[MrsEd]

Thank you guys. Shes seen me and my brother both get married last year and then my little boy was born in jan, she is looking forward to his first christmas.

[Carys]

Fab to hear she is living her life with gusto and getting to see so many family events! I know someone else who is stage4, and has been for a few years now (various metastatic cancers) and I know it certainly requires an adapted way of thinking. x

[MrsEd]

It can be done. Then we have Toby here at 18 years old, not living any sort of life through fear of having something