Have I got rectal cancer?

[Fishmanpa]

Just want to be page 200 Told ya so!



Woo Hoo!

Positive thoughts

[KK77]

Only another 900 or so pages to go until he catches up with my Complaints thread

[Dying_Swan]

Just want to be page 200

I was so tempted

I'm new to this thread and haven't read 200 pages, but enough to get the general idea. Toby, I really don't want to be patronising, but I felt sad reading that you're 18 and you've been stressing over this for a year. Sorry for not reading the whole thread, but what do you do? College, work etc? It's good to hear you're working on your anxiety and getting some help, as well as enjoying Barcelona. There is some fabulous food to be had there! And I don't mean junk food Enjoy it, and put your poo out of your mind. Being in a different environment is a great opportunity to refresh yourself and put worries behind you.

[pulisa]

I have an EXTREME fear of death and obsess over what life after death is like.. although I consider myself an atheist/agnostic I'm terrified that I'll wake up in hell and will be tortured for all eternity.

And now I may have cancer. I just feel so sad that I want to kill myself so I don't have to go through the sheer terror of being diagnosed with such an awful disease and then even if I am cured, I have to live in fear for the rest of my life of it coming back, knowing that my days could be numbered.

I know it's easy to say "Go to the doctor" but when people tell me to see a doctor it convinces me that they think something is wrong and I have to sit in fear until my appointment. And I have social anxiety and possible Asperger's so it's not always easy to go, especially with something like this.

And even if I do go, I'd be convinced that they just passed it off as piles simply because of my age. What sane doctor would give a 17 year old a colonoscopy? So I'll never be able to find answers

I don't know what to do and I can't find the will to live anymore

So one year on and you've got to 200 pages. What about that career in script writing?

[Fishmanpa]

I was so tempted

In all seriousness, this is extremely sad. 200 pages, and nearly 2000 posts. Over a year of this. From posting graphic pictures of his anus to describing in detail every nuance of bowel movements to listening to his mother defecate to handling and tasting bits!

As has been indicated in posts, this thread is actually an intricate part of the mental illness. Certainly, as has been suggested, this could easily be done in a private blog or diary but the public attention and reassurance is vital to the dragon's survival. I'm disappointed that it's been allowed to continue this long. Sometimes, when you know someone knows how to swim, its Ok to throw them in the water and force them to do so. I believe this is such a situation. Yes, closing this thread just opens the opportunity to start another one, but based on experience, it will garner much less attention and force changes that are so sorely needed.

I understand this is an exceptional situation and that its difficult to make such a decision but when it continually slaps you in the face, it offers validation and makes it easier to do. I truly hope the best decision is made.

Positive thoughts

[Carys]

Sometimes, when you know someone knows how to swim, its Ok to throw them in the water and force them to do so.

I don't agree (as you'd expect ). I don't think Toby does yet 'knows how to swim', he has only very recently started a little phone counselling (I think that was what it was?) and is starting to apply it himself. There is no time-scale on learning strategies and recovery, and it needs to be done at the time-scale that the individual can cope with, and not 'force them to do so'. Encouraging, patience and allowing a person to find their own path with guidance can be more effective.

Yes, it is sad, lots of pages and lots of posts, but at least its all in one place rather than some people who have come on here for years and years with huge numbers of pages of different illnesses. So - Toby logs things on 'his' thread, doesn't make him much different to any other person with HA who has thought they have had something for a year, except he makes it more public. I don't believe it is our business as simply other forum members to act as moderators about the mental health of others, and make choices on their behalf about what should be closed and what shouldn't.

Don't want to reply on the thread, find it frustrating, don't come to it. (especially not to celebrate with fireworks and say 'told you so'). I believe, in time, Toby will find his way out of this - he will learn the strategies that he does so sorely need to learn with the help of the people around him. Professional support and medication are both being undertaken and I don't think it is actually our choice if this thread is closed or not - he IS making some progress and I hope that fairness and consistency are applied to all individual members.

[Dying_Swan]

Sorry Toby. I should say that I am absolutely not laughing at or ridiculing you. I would hate for you to feel that way. I was laughing at my temptation to make the post 200 pages. I do find it sad that this is troubling you so much, but I'm encouraged that at least some part of you recognises it for what it is. I hope you're off having fun in beautiful Barcelona

[MyNameIsTerry]

I don't agree (as you'd expect ). I don't think Toby does yet 'knows how to swim', he has only very recently started a little phone counselling (I think that was what it was?) and is starting to apply it himself. There is no time-scale on learning strategies and recovery, and it needs to be done at the time-scale that the individual can cope with, and not 'force them to do so'. Encouraging, patience and allowing a person to find their own path with guidance can be more effective.

Yes, it is sad, lots of pages and lots of posts, but at least its all in one place rather than some people who have come on here for years and years with huge numbers of pages of different illnesses. So - Toby logs things on 'his' thread, doesn't make him much different to any other person with HA who has thought they have had something for a year, except he makes it more public. I don't believe it is our business as simply other forum members to act as moderators about the mental health of others, and make choices on their behalf about what should be closed and what shouldn't.

Don't want to reply on the thread, find it frustrating, don't come to it. (especially not to celebrate with fireworks and say 'told you so'). I believe, in time, Toby will find his way out of this - he will learn the strategies that he does so sorely need to learn with the help of the people around him. Professional support and medication are both being undertaken and I don't think it is actually our choice if this thread is closed or not - he IS making some progress and I hope that fairness and consistency are applied to all individual members.

I agree with this. It's worth mentioning that when forum members start asking for closures it is usually where it's OP's who don't try to engage at all let alone seek real world help. To be fair, Toby has started antidepressants (and seen his GP about an increase) and now started therapy so the work is now on and time will tell. Admin have been very clear about us on these types of threads but sadly they are ignored.

Just to add an inconvenient truth to this:

Total posts = 1996
Toby's posts = 796

That's only 40% of the thread and 60% is from other members. Over 365 days it comes out to 2.28 posts. Obviously there are spike days. But I wonder just how this would compare to some other members posting multiple threads, something Admin keep trying to stop if they are related?

Toby does post long posts but we need to remember we all play our part in these threads so it's not exactly fair complaining about length when we are all guilty of adding to it (and this page is probably nearly over now yet he hasn't even posted once on it)

It's obviously not ideal but we just have to hope he takes on board the advice and moves forward. If it frustrates people either way, that's up to them...there is much more in the world, and our lives, that need our attention & energy than a thread in NMP.

[pulisa]

Of course. Toby has admitted to being reliant on NMP which any potential therapist would see as a big problem as regards future real life treatment so the same applies to him.

[Carys]

I think any potential therapist will point that out to him, when he sees them P (when he sees them, but he's not there yet!). However, as most of us replying are regular visitors to this site, for years, I think its a bit hypocritical of us to be honest.