Have I got rectal cancer?

[Carys]

No PUlisa is referring to someone else, who was about your age when you started coming here (obviously you are older now) and asking if I'm mixing up two different people. We don't think you are 'Blaze'. No its definitely Toby who has been to the doctor many times over the last 3 years, and I think he will surely admit that himself, and has been twice with this bowel issue and rung 111. I think Toby himself knows he's been seeking medical reassurance a lot in the past, but not so much in the last few weeks as he doesn't want to 'piss the GP off anymore'. lol

Yes I would love tests. I would probably try and get on top of my HA if I just knew what was going on for sure.

This is a reassurance seeker, not avoider IMO.


Toby - of course you don't need to go anywhere else, and stop posting. Terry and I are having a good-natured debate about lots of things, its interesting stuff to think about actually and not a problem, the things we are talking about. The way you are thinking about things isn't really that different to the pattern we see day in and day out with people really caught up in HA (apart from the WORM issue, that I can't get), it probably feels like you are different, but honestly these things follow the same pattern. If people are challenging you sometimes, it isn't because they are pissed off, but because they think there are ways you could change your thinking.

[Fishmanpa]

I mean if you don't want me here, I can stop posting

Post all you want but eventually, the "Boy who cried wolf" syndrome will kick in and replies will wane.


So... you think I'm making the worms up?

Honestly? I don't know. As I've said, most people with or without HA would freak out and at the very least mention it in posting. The fact you didn't and you knew about it the whole time makes me wonder why. Your excuse in that its not a big deal doesn't hold water IMO.

Maybe if I read online that they can cause blood and mucus and whatever else, I would've mentioned them, but I've had them before and I know they're pretty much harmless so I didn't think they were relevant to this. That's all.

Look up worms in stool and the symptoms are as I posted. With as much as you Google, you would know this. That adds to my confusion.


I don't just "ignore" your replies and I certainly wouldn't ignore Elen's. Sometimes I think you can be quite rude towards me for whatever reason and you seem to get frustrated with me but you have to remember that you're on an anxiety forum. Not everyone deals with problems the same way. I'm not saying I don't NEED help, I'm just saying that if I get help now, these symptoms may continue and I'll end up dead because I chose not to follow the warning signs up?

What you 'perceive' as rude is a combination of frustration and the father in me. As I said, if you were my son and you kept coming to me with this kind of stuff, I would drag you kicking and screaming to the doctor and get you help. I've told you about my daughter and how she suffers from anxiety and depression. I speak to you the same way I speak to her when the tea and sympathy approach doesn't work.

Bottom line: I keep seeing blood. Blood is not normal and is not caused by anxiety. You surely understand why I'm worried?

No, it's not normal but I would bet my next year's salary it's not cancer and your excuse not to seek help is pure BS No one is saying not to go to the doctor. In fact everyone saying go! Apparently, they've seen you, determined nothing physically threatening and know of your anxiety, thus your fear of being blown off which is indicated in your next statement.

I've seen my GP twice and both times I had the same answer. I feel like there isn't much more I can do now. I'm scared to go again.

Yes I would love tests. I would probably try and get on top of my HA if I just knew what was going on for sure.

You admit you suffer from severe health anxiety about cancer. That's enough right there to seek professional help regardless. If by some chance you have to deal with a real illness in your life like another poster on this sub-forum, how would you handle it without help?

Positive thoughts

[Toby2000]

Toby - of course you don't need to go anywhere else, and stop posting. Terry and I are having a good-natured debate about lots of things, its interesting stuff to think about actually and not a problem, the things we are talking about. The way you are thinking about things isn't really that different to the pattern we see day in and day out with people really caught up in HA (apart from the WORM issue, that I can't get), it probably feels like you are different, but honestly these things follow the same pattern. If people are challenging you sometimes, it isn't because they are pissed off, but because they think there are ways you could change your thinking.

I just think I'm starting to frustrate people now.

I'm just so used to coming her to get my worries off my shoulders, maybe that's not what other people use the site forwell they do but is there like a zero reassurance policy? It's just hard cause I can't talk to my mum about it because she gets just as frustrated

and people are starting to think I'm making symptoms up

---------- Post added at 00:21 ---------- Previous post was at 00:19 ----------

Positive thoughts

Why on Earth would I make having worms up?

I've just searched before "pinworms symptoms" and the symptoms are:

frequent and strong itching of the anal area
restless sleep due to anal itching and discomfort
pain, rash, or other skin irritation around the anus
the presence of pinworms in the area of your child’s anus
the presence of pinworms in stools

They can't cause harm or kill me so I'm not worried

when I get around to going to the doctor, I will mention it though but I'm more scared of possibly having some disease than having pinworms!

[nomorepanic]

Please please please just go and see the doctor and get this all sorted once and for all.

We don't need another 40 pages of posts guessing what is wrong.

I know you are worried but you HAVE to take control of this and get answers.

You say you won't treat the HA until you get this sorted so go and get it sorted asap.

Go and see a different doctor if you are scared of your one.

[Fishmanpa]

Please please please just go and see the doctor and get this all sorted once and for all.

We don't need another 40 pages of posts guessing what is wrong.

I know you are worried but you HAVE to take control of this and get answers.

You say you won't treat the HA until you get this sorted so go and get it sorted asap.

Go and see a different doctor if you are scared of your one.

The way you are thinking about things isn't really that different to the pattern we see day in and day out with people really caught up in HA (apart from the WORM issue, that I can't get), it probably feels like you are different, but honestly these things follow the same pattern. If people are challenging you sometimes, it isn't because they are pissed off, but because they think there are ways you could change your thinking.

Amen!



Positive thoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

Toby,

Whether people are getting frustrated out not, that's on them. It's just a thread with a username on of someone none of us will ever meet or know. Not a loved one.

Unfortunately, repetitive posting causes a split in how members believe they should be treated. Please don't see a handful of posters replying as any indication of how everyone feels. Some have just given up because these types of debates end up in arguments, some quite nasty, and they don't want their anxiety impacted by arguments anymore.

And it's subjective. Some will argue my opinion on frustration is wrong, some will agree. That's the issue - there is no agreed policy and until Admin tell us what to do we do what we think is best. And Admin have tried more times than they really should need to to get frustrated members to stop getting involved in threads they find frustrating but some just won't listen and on it goes. Some members are frustrated with those who can't move on or click an x.

Anyway, enough about that. All that matters is what Admin say. If they are ok with you being here and how you use the site, the rest of us don't matter. We're only members, only Admin get to say how things need to be.

Thanks for clarifying on the visits/calls issue.

[Carys]

I'm basing this on a bit more than what is actually in the threads, Carys.

Important point Terry, and so I will bow to that and sure your judgement is correct


FMP, I don't see dragging people 'kicking and screaming' as something which is positive to say to be honest. I know its a metaphor (or is it???) but forcing somebody against their will into something isn't the best way to go. Unless an adult/child is in personal danger or at risk of harm, then nobody should be forcing anybody to do anything. In the UK you wouldn't be allowed to drag an adult 'kicking and screaming', so why a 14/15/16/17 year old ? I appreciate your personal frustration, but I need to say that I think you are severely misjudging discussions on this thread as 'tea and sympathy', that is certainly not what it is about, having ongoing communication on this long thread.


I do agree Terry, if you find this thread unpleasant/annoying and frustrating - just don't read it, simple ey. This is an anxiety forum, and unless rules of the forum are transgressed, everyone has a right to be posting. I think thats the only policy thats needed by Admin isn't it really; 'if you don't like it stay away' as that covers any situation. Yep, these long detailed threads are a real forum splitter (LOL), but this is an inclusive place, period.

[Elen]

Toby just for clarity I am not frustrated with you and I do not intend to be rude and apologise if it comes accross that way.

I say what I say simply to challenge your thinking.

As has been said, make that appointment and write down the bullet points of your worries, and be sure to let us know how it goes.

[Fishmanpa]

FMP, I don't see dragging people 'kicking and screaming' as something which is positive to say to be honest. I know its a metaphor (or is it???) but forcing somebody against their will into something isn't the best way to go. Unless an adult/child is in personal danger or at risk of harm, then nobody should be forcing anybody to do anything. In the UK you wouldn't be allowed to drag an adult 'kicking and screaming', so why a 14/15/16/17 year old ? I appreciate your personal frustration, but I need to say that I think you are severely misjudging discussions on this thread as 'tea and sympathy', that is certainly not what it is about, having ongoing communication on this long thread.

You're taking it totally the wrong way. I'm looking at this and responding from a parent's perspective and what I would do and have done if my child were suffering like this. If my son argued that he didn't need help, as his Father, I would drag him him kicking and screaming (which is a figure of speech) to get help. I have a daughter that suffers with severe anxiety and depression. It was quite bad at times and she's struggled greatly through the years to overcome it and still gets dragged down now and again. She's had to drop out of college for a semester, leave jobs, been through several medication changes (my God they were awful!) and yet she fights on. She goes to therapy and is on a med combo that seems to have settled things down for the moment. When she came to me at 18 (same age as Toby) and told me what was going on, I called her mother and we made sure she got help. There were times I personally drove for hours, picked her up and forced her to go to therapy when her mother called and told me she was refusing to go (not quite 'kicking a screaming' but it was challenging!). I've spent countless hours on the phone with her, talking her down as she cried hysterically over what I perceived to be totally irrational things. And as I said, when it got to the point where tea and sympathy wasn't working, a good dose of Dad talk was needed. What I say here is frankly no different. To give you an idea of the severity of her situation, for her 21st birthday, I got her her first tattoo. It's a semi-colon with butterfly wings. I believe that speaks volumes.

Concerning tea and sympathy? I'm not saying the discussion here is that way. It's a general statement concerning a lot of what I see on the forum. There's no problem with it, especially when the OP of a thread is truly working on themselves and shows signs of rationality. Everyone gets blips and goes through rough spots. You recently did yourself and got a lot of support. But you weren't in a mental spiral screaming cancer and ignoring advice. I don't apologize for my words nor the way I feel about this. I'm challenging Toby to do something, anything, instead of continually posting here and wallowing in his illness. For some, this forum is a Godsend, for others, it's a detriment to recovery. I suspect, having seen so many on this path through the years, nothing will change but I'll be the first to cheer him on if he shows efforts to help himself.

There is a Facebook group started from members here that is focused on recovery. The founder of the group and many, many others were members that I personally invested time in speaking to through this forum. My approach to them was no different than now. You see it differently and I know there are others that do as well. So be it. Yes, one has the choice not to read or respond but in this case, especially when I lived it with my own child, it hits home with me and I cannot stand idly by and watch a young life being ruined by what can be treated. I respond the same way with many of the young members. Talk to your parents, a relative, a trusted adult or teacher. GET REAL LIFE PROFESSIONAL HELP! That statement is something that has been pushed lately in the media and social media concerning mental health and teen suicide. I appreciate your views but we'll have to agree to disagree on certain subjects or approaches.

The truth is that sadly, there are many here that just will not or cannot get help or get better. And sadly, for many young people, their parents are unaware, not knowledgeable nor take seriously what mental illness can do to a young person. The reasons vary. Those members follow a very similar patter to the pattern we see here. Concerning Toby, I'll refer to what Nic said earlier as that says it all quite succinctly.

Please please please just go and see the doctor and get this all sorted once and for all.

We don't need another 40 pages of posts guessing what is wrong.

I know you are worried but you HAVE to take control of this and get answers.

You say you won't treat the HA until you get this sorted so go and get it sorted asap.

Go and see a different doctor if you are scared of your one.

Positive thoughts

[Carys]

....but you aren't Toby's father, and what is right for you and your family won't be the same 'right' for another family. All circumstances are different, all individuals suffering are different, all methods of parenting are different as are the background environments. (It also needs to be borne in mind here that Toby is practically an adult anyway). We know hardly anything about Toby, or his situation, or importantly his family, we actually know practically nothing in the overall scheme of things.



I know all about your daughter and her problems. I'm glad she was able to get help and she was fortunate to have your level of support.



Would I drag my daughter 'kicking and screaming'? No I wouldn't. I would have a very different approach to the situation, based on knowledge of my daughter.