constant symptoms; worried about mental health and physical health :(

[tech3545]

6First of all id like to say how greatful I am for this site. To begin I'm a chronic worrier, always have been. Have GAD. I'm in a really bad place and feel pretty hopeless. Ive had so many symptoms, about 4-5 weeks ago had a spiral from a brain tumor health anxiety episode and have been stuck in an obssesive bout since then. Its evolved and isnt as severe but its still almost consant. At this point it really just feels like the end of the world. I just wish I could go back in time to when I eas happy so bad :( anyways I'm really concerned about myself but there's nothing I can do about it. My doctor just brushed me off and my mom wont let me go to therapy. I constantly feel like theres something wrong and I'm dealing with obsessive thoughts and ruminating on this feeling of impending doom that I'm able to bring upon myself its hard to explain but nobody can relate and I just feel alone. I also have had such a varying feeling of unwellness.. Sometimes I feel ok, Sometimes I feel weak, sometimes I feel malaise, constant shaky off and on weakness and drowsy craving carbs, checked my blood sugar and every time its fine. I have a pretty bad brain fog and short term memory most the time, just feel out of it and not myself, and ill. Dont know what to do. Im depressed amd just constantly obsessing. And theres so many possibilities of what could be wrong with me, I just don't know. Ive always diagnosed myself with stuff so Idk... But this has been happening for 4-5 weeks like I said and I haven't even really hadwhat id call a panic attack in a while. I just feel like im dying. I feel like I'm gong crazy too. Just don't feel like myself. Anyways all my symptoms ive been having are pretty much all found on my previous posts... Feel like I'm gonna lose it and end up in psychosis from constant anxiety, and just being so out of it all the time, obsessing over lymph nodes which I have found quite alot of hard ones), and what happens in my mind, obsessing over and judging my thoughts and feelings, etc. my life recently just feels like flashes of time, just been so out of it and constantly in my head. I had a similar obsessive bout with skepticism a couple years ago and I don't know which is worse, buy I seriously think its this mainly because I don't know what the hell is happening. Its constant thinking and thinking and thinking I'm even worried about being worried. Now my mom will absolutely not let me go seek help for whatever reason, and she won't even listen to me so I'm just supposed to suffer?! And I personally think she needs help more than me though, shes paranoid and delusional as of recently, its a hell to be around. I feel like id be in a much better place if I could just talk to a professional. I'm practically begging for help... I'm only 15, i dont wanna live like this forever. I just want my life back to the way it was. Thanks for listening.

[actualWeeaboo]

Hi Tech, I hope you're doing okay (even though I know that seems like a silly thing for me to say)...

I think anyone on these forums can relate to exactly what you're going through - we all diagnose ourselves here, and it's a pretty bad habit, ahaha~ Been at this health anxiety thing since I was 8 or 9. I'm fortunate in myself that I sometimes get these weird 'breaks' from my HA... The downside with that is, when it returns, it seems to get worse than ever.

Though I can't relate to everything you experience, I've experienced a lot of those symptoms you get - I often feel malaise, weak, fatigued, helpless, and get very strange jitters and shakes. When I get to a particularly bad state, it feels like my mind is just going to... snap, somehow? It's hard to explain. I don't even panic most of the time, I'm just in a constant state of paranoia and fear. Somehow though, I feel like I NEED to panic, because I feel like it temporarily releases some of those crazy and unsettling sensations... But most of the time the panic attack never comes, and the feeling just sits there, sickening and horrible and requiring just SOME kind of relief...

I'm not sure why your mother won't let you seek therapy, but I hope you can find comfort in these forums, and if you're really needing to talk or something, feel free to shoot me a private message. I'm no therapist, but sometimes just talking with someone can give a bit of relief.

Are there any online therapy organisations that you can use? Even a phone therapy organisation? (Though I can personally understand if phones give you anxiety, but it's an option.)

Please hang in there. <3

[tech3545]

Hey, thanks for the reply, seeing it a little late. Things are going a little better for me now. Your right, sites like this do help, having people to relate with and whatnot. Thanks for the invitation to talk. Once again thanks for the reply, really appreciate it