Hello once again everybody.
I'm here, yet again, and whilst I would concede that this year thus far has perhaps been better for me in the health anxiety department than years prior, I can't really given how bad a state my latest fear has left me in.
Last year, over summer, I was terrified of ALS. A twitching index finger set it off, and I eventually got over it and got on with my life. I always remained conscious of it, particularly nervous about tongue twitches, but otherwise giving it very little thought.
Over the past month, it has somewhat been on my mind due to getting thumb twitches in my left thumb, but I appreciated that twitches were normally a late stage symptom. Despite that, I had some However, my full blown panic began when I noticed that holding a glass in my left hand, and wrapping my thumb around it causes a numb, weak feeling down my thumb and into my wrist- as well as making my thumb shudder. Pressing specific points on the pad of my thumb can somewhat trigger the same effect. I've had aches in the bottom of my palm as well as at the base of the thumb, and where it connects to the wrist. Following this, I have been despondent. I'm just awaiting the day when I wake up and can no longer move my thumb. The only thing keeping me together is the fact that this phenomena somewhat correlates to the way I hold my thumb on my keyboard and how I type- and typing this does feel like it's stressing it. I've considered going the Doctor's, however feel far too embarrassed after my last visit was for the same reason- only this time it's moved to a different finger
I don't know what to do anymore. I have no recollection of a time in my life when I didn't spend a good proportion of my time worrying about an illness. My family are long past the point of being sick of hearing about it, counselling has never done more than abate it for a short period of time, and by the point it returns they've signed you off. I wish I could see an announcement for the release date of a film and be able to think that I look forward to seeing it on that date, rather than I hope I'll be there to see it.
I don't know what to do at this point, and I just don't think my prospects are very good.