Depersonilisation? Depression and anxiety can anyone relate?

[kscott1986]

Hello all. Sorry If I ramble here and not make much sense but I'm really hoping someone or everyone can relate?

Bit of background. On and off I've had problems in the past with obsessional thoughts, intrusive thoughts, that basically consume me , as well as a lot of anxiety and panic attacks which has made life so difficult at times. Intrusive thoughts basically caused a breakdown for me when I was about 22/23 (31 now) However these have gone away and come back -fluctuating.

However, a week ago something new happened. I had a moment of severe panic and then began feeling and freaking out how weird it is that I'm in my body. I looked in the mirror and looked strange like a different version of me. I almost feel like I'm constantly aware that I'm behind my eyes and that I'm super aware that I'm thinking, rather than being on the usual "autopilot" .
My voice sounds strange sometimes and I find myself talking to myself outloud to almost break the silence or something it's horrible. It's very much like I'm trapped in my own head and body and it's becoming an obsession that I can't stop thinking about.
This has made me feel so sad, hopeless and the world just seems darker. I'm anxious all the time and only feel some relief when I'm busy, distracted or drunk with friends.

I am addressing it with a talking therapy and maybe some sort of medication , I'm open to it anyway.

I'm sorry if that makes no sense at all but is there anyone out there who can relate please?

[Polly47]

Hi, Yep, I
can relate to all of this!
Especially when you refer to your voice!
At the moment I'm going through this phase of feeling like Im 2 people!
And when I speak, it sounds like someone else talking!
It freaks me out big time!


Dont know what the answer to all of this is.
I just hope it will all fade away eventually!
I just try and get on with life the best I can but it's bloody difficult!
At least you know you're not on your own!

[kscott1986]

Thank you Polly. As horrible as it is and I'm so sorry you're feeling similar, it's good to know we're not alone in feeling like this. I find the symptoms so much worse when I'm alone and have time to think, i almost feel like I want to break the silence and just shout out loud most of the time.
I think trying to recognise that this is just an obsessional thought that your mind has attached too really does help. The worst part for me is the depression this causes and that it zaps your optimism for the future etc.
I hold on to the fact that this is only temporary and is a result of my sensitivity to changes (new job etc recently)
Really hope you see some improvements soon. Keep busy, spend more time with friends and family.

Thank you

[Suziewuzie]

I can relate to this too & I just want to remind you that it's temporary & you will feel better
I find mindfulness helps a lot & having talking therapy with someone who actually understands this scary symptom of anxiety.
Work on managing your anxiety & intrusive thoughts and the rest will follow x

[Tombo]

The behind my eyes, aware of thoughts and not being on auto-pilot thing I can totally relate to. Such a strange feeling.

[Brad10]

Hello all. Sorry If I ramble here and not make much sense but I'm really hoping someone or everyone can relate?

Bit of background. On and off I've had problems in the past with obsessional thoughts, intrusive thoughts, that basically consume me , as well as a lot of anxiety and panic attacks which has made life so difficult at times. Intrusive thoughts basically caused a breakdown for me when I was about 22/23 (31 now) However these have gone away and come back -fluctuating.

However, a week ago something new happened. I had a moment of severe panic and then began feeling and freaking out how weird it is that I'm in my body. I looked in the mirror and looked strange like a different version of me. I almost feel like I'm constantly aware that I'm behind my eyes and that I'm super aware that I'm thinking, rather than being on the usual "autopilot" .
My voice sounds strange sometimes and I find myself talking to myself outloud to almost break the silence or something it's horrible. It's very much like I'm trapped in my own head and body and it's becoming an obsession that I can't stop thinking about.
This has made me feel so sad, hopeless and the world just seems darker. I'm anxious all the time and only feel some relief when I'm busy, distracted or drunk with friends.

I am addressing it with a talking therapy and maybe some sort of medication , I'm open to it anyway.

I'm sorry if that makes no sense at all but is there anyone out there who can relate please?

Do you ever get dizzy spells with your anxiety, my anxiety has been really wellbuo intil the other day, I went to go for a walk and it ne out of no where, felt like I was going to faint and I just sat there for a few minutes and calmed down I guess and it went away, do you experience this?

[kscott1986]

I can yes, the light headed and dizzy feeling I think is just not another symptom of anxiety and panic I've found, sorry to hear that's happening with you.

On another note, thank you Tombo, Polly and all for helping me realise other people experience this too. Mine has been a lot better this last week but last night I had a panic attack again and all the same depersonalised thoughts have come back with a vengeance. Truly scary and frustrating but I have to remind myself I'll have good and bad days, as we all do.

I've started talking to a therapist who has recommended CBT, so I'll see if that helps with the obsessional thinking and moments of panic.
Hope everyone is doing ok, within reason

Thank you

[Suziewuzie]

Glad to hear it got better for you last week - before it flared up again and scared you! I hope that can act as a reminder that it can and will go away. I'm feeling it moderately bad this week because I'm off work so don't really have anything to keep my mind focused and busy. I think this is a symptom that I'll always get during anxious/panicked times but it's definitely got less scary over the years.