Health anxiety is ruining my life

[Jazzie25]

Hi all, New member here!

I've been coming on this website for reassurance for almost 3 years now and I have never found the courage to post. But I really am at an all time low and need to get some of my history off my chest (even if nobody reads it!)

My HA started 3 years ago after I was experiencing some random numbness in my face and in my shins. At the time I was going through a break up with my child's father and our then 2 yr old daughter, 4 months previous, had been admitted to Intensive care with a heart arrythmia. The worst unimaginable time of my life. So without realising it - I think I was having a mini breakdown!! After googling my symptoms I had managed to convince myself i had MS. Or a brain tumour. I was frantic. Calling my doctor every morning begging them to help me. In the end my doctor said there is nothing more I can do to prove to you so booked me in for an MRI. It came back absolutely fine and my symptoms vanished almost over night.

Fast forward 2 years I am In a much better place. My daughter is perfectly fine, off her meds and I have met a new partner. Life couldn't be better. Then I started to experience stomach pains and bloating. After much self diagnosing from doctor Google I had convinced myself it was bowel cancer. This turned out to be IBS. Random bleeding was not ovarian cancer (which I agonized over for my whole famiky holiday in Spain - completely consumed with fear I don't remember much of it) it was just bleeding from my coil. The upper left pain and heartburn wasn't pancreatic cancer.... are you following me??
It consumes me and I see no way out.

My most recent symptoms are itching/burning all over my skin and I felt a raised lymph node so I'm almost certain that this time it's Lymphoma. Only because I don't feel anxious so can't blame my symptoms on that. I'm all exhausted as well. But I do this every time. Every time I get a new symptom I think nope this time it's definitely *insert cancer or disease*. I feel utterly selfish and stupid but I can't get out this rut. My life is gripped tight by this HA and it follows me everywhere. In the car I think about my symptoms, at work, in bed, when I'm in conversation. It never leaves me. I tried CBT but my irrational mind overrules any logic.

My point to this thread is... how can i escape? What if one day my symptoms are actually something sinister? How will I ever cope? I just want to live my life with my beautiful family without tearing apart Google at night because I found a mysterious bruise I didn't know I had (alas i probably freak i haveLeukemia
)
Also I really hope I don't offend anyone who really is poorly with any of the above and I know I should be thankful to be alive!

Thanks for taking the time to read this long post and tough love is welcome if it will help me!

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya Jazzie25 and welcome to NMP

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way

[girlrock]

I am going through the exact same thing and my current fear is also lymphoma. I’ve been dealing with this my whole life in some form or another. It was really bad about 9-10 years ago and then I had a few years relief and then it all came back again when my Dad died from cancer. I feel like the left side of my neck is sore and swollen. I have been to two different doctors who say they don’t feel anything but since I've been waking up with night sweats (I always get hot at night and we happened to not turn the air on last night since it was chilly here.. so that’s the more logical explanation). I also have been super tired (but I had surgery two weeks ago and I have also been getting up earlier in the mornings to teach online). Anyway, I’m struggling between rationalizing and saying “what if it’s real this time?” So it’s not that I have any advice but I thought I would at least say “Me too!” Hugs!!!

[Carlton]

Hello Jazzie....HA sucks, I agree. It's good to have a place to find others who share your feelings, thoughts, and fears.

[Caroline1902]

Misery loves company.

I go in and out with HA and it completely ruins my life when it's around. Just when I get over one health crisis, another one appears.

[Nervwreck]

I know exactly how you feel!!! I have the same thing and as soon as doctor says I’m ok I really become ok, until I find something new :( last time I was in the office he told me. “ when you hear some galloping sounds outside your window would you think it’s a horse or an African zebra?” Your logical mind would probably think a horse right? But our minds don’t we think of something crazy first. I know what he was saying but it’s so hard to do because you are thinking but what if? And may be I just found this out at an early stage when other people overlook these symptoms and later find out something bad and it would go it started at this... and I didn’t think anything of it.. Ughhhh this is so annoying and gets in a way to be constantly fixating on something and seeing if it progresses. Hang in there I do know medication helps a lot with it and makes you feel normal again. I tried it and then thought I was all good and quit taking them but some days I wish I was still on them.

[odessa]

I suffer from manual breathing really bad so I obsess about that....