Down the Rabbit Hole

[mezzaninedoor]

Just to say that Im trying to get through a BiPolar episode at the moment, hence I haven't posted much lately AND I only tend to post on the misc forum as I cant get my head a round the whole shooting match of all the sub forums on NMP.

I'm hoping that I'm on the up after a horrible anxietal/low mood rut, Ive managed to stay at work over last 2-3 weeks during this but have missed odd day and surfaced from duvet on some work days only for late morning, which looks very unprofessional but hopefully as im Out in the work place re my BiPolar people understand.

Trying as ever anyway .............

Hello all

[pulisa]

Hello Tony!

Good to see you back on here and so sorry to hear about your episode. "Episode" sounds so downplayed...I can imagine the distress and angst you have been experiencing and a whole lot more.

Managing to stay at work is an impressive achievement whatever modified work hours you keep. I hope you soon begin to "even out" and that life becomes easier for you.

[mezzaninedoor]

Thanks Pulisa, it’s a roller coaster at the moment but I’m trying to use all the mental health tools in the toolbox

[pulisa]

Whatever works for you and helps you, Tony. Hopefully you have a decent MH team to support you actively?

[mezzaninedoor]

Mmmmm, I have a crisis plan but was discharged from the MH team, I’m trying to think I’m not in crisis, trying to get through it, see GP again next week

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Tony,

I agree with pulisa. It's good to know your employer is supportive in this.

It's always nice to see you, you are good to talk to, but it's never nice to think someone is struggling.

How are your family? I seem to recall you have a young grandson with your son in the US, he is past his first birthday yet?

[pulisa]

Mmmmm, I have a crisis plan but was discharged from the MH team, I’m trying to think I’m not in crisis, trying to get through it, see GP again next week

I'm not suggesting that you are in crisis at all-I'm sure you have better MH skills to help yourself than a lot of people with bipolar. You sound as if you are doing a really good job just ploughing on and taking things a day at a time whilst dealing with your episode(for want of a better word). It's very difficult for you though so I didn't want to downplay your situation.

[mezzaninedoor]

@Pulisa, no offence taken at all, it is hard, Im working today but I didnt crawl out of bed until 1pm !!!! A few people in my team roll their eyes at me I'm sure but theres plenty of support as well which is good as I beat myself up enough as things are

@Terry, thats kind of you, I like to think Im polite and friendly to talk to, though with strong views , family wise we have some challenges as we have my mother and father in law living with us and dependant to differing degrees on us as caring support. My son who lives in USA has 2 daughters and they are all well, daughters are 3 years and 9 months. My son in UK has a son who is 6 years old. Its a great joy to be a Grandparent though its very different at distance than at close hand.

In general Im getting very good support from my company but I am a distraction to the work and inconsitent in my attendance at the moment. I guess thats hard for them as well and I do feel a bit selfish and a bit of a passenger at the moment work wise

[pulisa]

You can't help your illness, Tony. At least you are trying your best and doing what you can. You are not at all well and must give yourself a break re the guilt aspect? You didn't ask to be afflicted by bipolar-I think it's really commendable that you are able to go to work at all under the circumstances.

[Noivous]

Mezz Man!

Good to see you're still in there swinging away. Often times when we try to hide this stuff it makes it worse I think. I also think working is great therapy. When I was at my worst I kept going to work no matter what...and it wasn't easy to say the least. But it absolutely hastened a very dark period. I probably made it tougher on myself because I did cover it up though. Hang in there and as soon as you're feeling better we'll do battle again on the fields of Trumpland.

God bless.

N.