False ocd thoughts

[phil06]

I need to discuss my ocd today and wonder why it’s got worse.
 An example today I did the toilet and I wiped my backside and I went in shower. I wouldn’t touch toilet paper to wipe it more becuase I worried I would make it more dirty. So instead I went in shower and came back out and got a towel and wiped once more. My ocd says that’s what I did In my old house but not 100% true becuase basically I would have wet towels and stand on the floor and bits of toilet paper hit them so they were infact more dirty. So anyway the issue is even if I did a compulsion to shower again it would make no odds I would worry even more.
For years doing compulsions gave relief in the past six months due to the severity f the ocd the compulsions fuel worse ocd and make worry more I still don’t understand why for years the compulsions gave mild relief and now it stopped working? The relief atleast kept me off message boards but now no matter what I do the ocd will control me. Again I worried about my sock touching the toilet brush a few weeks back I worried for days I had and I forgot it but changing socks wouldn’t have made any odds those compulsions no longer work.
Anyway today’s issue it’s a combination of a compulsion changing the towel and a false thought it’s not often both come at one time. Do I challenge the thought? Ignore the thought? Distract myself? Write it down? Some how dismiss it. I said before I am able to sort of let go of false thoughts more as I know they are false. People say they are all false no if you touch a bin the germs would be there so for me a hand wash will always be required I don’t wish to change this.
So what can I do? These thoughts happen daily at the moment I am constantly suffering high anxiety due to an ocd thought which takes over my day. The good news is atleast it moves onto another thought it can be worse when the same one lasts months.
I have tried ignoring the thoughts it can work for a bit but not long term. Writing it down doesn’t help. Challenging them yes but this can help slightly. Reducing my over all anxiety has a much better effect but it’s like sitting a therory test for driving it requires hours of relexation and reading of anxiety and how it works and why you don’t let it control you. But it does work.
But I ask for help becuase my compulsions are failing. I am at a stage I don’t even try to do them shower more replace as I said perhaps that’s good but it’s not becuase I am better it’s becuase by doing that compulsion my ocd can double. So yes why did the relief come from doing the compulsion and it suddenly stopped? Is this due to the ocd going from mild to severe?

[phil06]

Do you ever think how your OCD affects her? Or maybe it doesn't bother you as you don't think she is real?

I can’t comment really as I haven’t thought about how ocd affects others its a condition I feel I suffer alone

[BlueIris]

I can’t comment really as I haven’t thought about how ocd affects others its a condition I feel I suffer alone

Do you not see how your behaviour might distress your fiancée, though, or cause you to mistreat her?

[phil06]

Do you not see how your behaviour might distress your fiancée, though, or cause you to mistreat her?

No I wouldn’t say ocd distresses anyone it’s a common issue I believe many celebs suffer it too. People keep going on about my partner but there’s nothing going on here over than I suffer the ocd

[BlueIris]

Sorry, Phil, but I think you're kidding yourself. If nothing else, do you not think it would upset her to see you upset?

Besides, you've said yourself that your OCD has made you angry with her when she's done something that triggered you.

[phil06]

Sorry, Phil, but I think you're kidding yourself. If nothing else, do you not think it would upset her to see you upset?

Besides, you've said yourself that your OCD has made you angry with her when she's done something that triggered you.

Yes but I don’t talk about the ocd daily. And it doesn’t upset me too much the ocd is a pain but I don’t get upset over it.

[MyNameIsTerry]

No I wouldn’t say ocd distresses anyone it’s a common issue I believe many celebs suffer it too. People keep going on about my partner but there’s nothing going on here over than I suffer the ocd

Ah yes, those celebs...many of whom don't know the difference between being house proud and having a debilitating mental health disorder. Some of them do understand, most I see talk about think it's like the old stereotypes and even claim it makes them better at their jobs

I'm not sure what you mean by doesn't distress people? Do you mean they hide it from the outsider so it doesn't distress them? If so, I agree to an extent but the behaviours we have do stop us living a more normal way and that causes problems just like anything can in a relationship whether it's a kink of personality or something else.

[Elen]

Sorry, Phil, but I think you're kidding yourself. If nothing else, do you not think it would upset her to see you upset?

Besides, you've said yourself that your OCD has made you angry with her when she's done something that triggered you.

Phil I have to agree with this. From earlier on on this thread

My partner cleaned the washing machine and caused a major stress. She put kitchen roll in the bin whilst holding a bit of the plastic inlays that goes on the machine. It may have been her other hand but I fear my clothes having bin germs so we are no longer talking. She can’t be trusted I can’t afford a new machine to replace it I will now worry as I tend to do. She can’t be trusted so I feel annoyed about getting married I am annoyed I never cleaned it myself to avoid this hassle. Nobody can reassure me my clothes will be clean becuase she has stressed now and they won’t be clean.

You went through the same accusing your Mum about the bin as well.

Your OCD makes you distrust those around you, that has to have a negative effect on those relationships

[phil06]

So the situation today is I touched the towel rail and I touched a tiny bit of my phone and drawer handle I don’t feel ready to touch the whole phone or every surface after a towel has been placed there. I tried to challenge the thoughts but I am struggling I mean I did nothing different other than wipe my backside but that was after I put the towel back so I don’t understand why my head is fixated on this? The thought pops into my head “the towel rail is as dirty as my old bathroom” and then I worry about dirty laundry germs simply becuase I had these thoughts again there is no evidence to them it’s a thought I had and my head buys into some how it can be dirty despite it not being possible? How can I fix this?
I thought by touching a small bit of my phone atleastthe ocd can’t fully win.

[Fishmanpa]

I think its worth noting that this has been an ongoing issue to various degrees for more than 13 years. There are literally 30 pages worth of threads where the same questions are asked. IMO, this should be the only reply at this point.

How can I fix this?

Real life professional help.

Positive thoughts