My Anxiety is Suicide

[MyNameIsTerry]

Glad to help before, Ben.

What you've experienced here is just another intrusive thought. If you looked at that picture and up popped that horrible thought/image out of nowhere then that's a classic intrusive thought. It found a possible trigger and went with it.

Like much of our subconscious thinking these thoughts can be triggered like any other panic/anxiety scenario. It's no different to "see lump, thought pops up about cancer x, y z, etc".

The thing is, they are finding the mind just works like this. Other subconscious thoughts just pop up and there are subtle triggers. Think of it a bit like seeing a chocolate bar and thinking you want one because they have always been ones you liked or a smell bringing a memory with feelings with it.

It's just an overactive subconscious looking for stuff to do and an overly sensitive conscious reacting too strongly in a negative manner to it.

[NancyW]

It's just an overactive subconscious looking for stuff to do and an overly sensitive conscious reacting too strongly in a negative manner to it.

This may be the best thing I've ever read on this board. You are spot on Terry.

[MyNameIsTerry]

This may be the best thing I've ever read on this board. You are spot on Terry.

Thanks Nancy, I guess it's the common sense description that dominates anxiety self help from the likes of Dr Claire Weekes to creators of this or that therapy. But god is it damn hard not to do once it's in your head!

---------- Post added at 02:30 ---------- Previous post was at 02:04 ----------

I wrote this BLOG post very recently.
I just wanted to post it somewhere where it might help someone.
Terrys words here were fantastically helpful.

So some words, hopefully helpful:-
http://tonyamis.blogspot.com/2018/10...-thoughts.html

That's an insightful blogpost about your feelings on the subject, Tony. And it's not in the kind of detail that could be triggering so anyone could read it and see they are not alone.

[Ben1989]

Just had to come back to this as I've relapsed a bit.

A guy killed himself on Friday at the motorway bridge down the road from me. Furthermore, it was a close colleague's step son. It's really made me relapse.

Trying to find strength.

[Ben1989]

Need a bit of support and comfort. My head is all over the place. I had a fairly 'stable' mind for months and now it's just crazy. Cannot concentrate, have completely blank emotions

[sfm]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time, and the trauma your colleague is going through would affect anyone.

I have OCD and used to have very alarming intrusive thoughts. What I learned to do (with help) is to acknowledge them head-on as intrusive thoughts and nothing more.

So, if I saw a bridge and thought about suicide I would say to myself something like, "Oh, hey, OCD brain. Great to hear from you with that boring old stuff about bridges and suicide." and then I would move on. I don't try to control them; I don't try to rationalize them; I don't spend a bunch of time thinking about them as if they are in any way rational thoughts. I identify them as intrusive thoughts related to my wonky OCD brain and that's it.

If that sounds like an approach that might work for you, you might mention it to your therapist. These are weird and alarming thoughts, but that's all they are. They aren't plans or magic spells. I hope that helps even a bit and I apologize if it didn't. Lots of people have been where you are and gotten through it! Sending you good thoughts!

[pav1984]

Need a bit of support and comfort. My head is all over the place. I had a fairly 'stable' mind for months and now it's just crazy. Cannot concentrate, have completely blank emotions

Im sorry if you have covered this however have you told your doctor exactly how you feel? Could be wrong but sounds like you need some time out of work and ideally somewhere there is always people to look out for you. My advice would be to have a couple of trusted people to receive a call from you. Whenever you start feeling really low talk to them.

[Ben1989]

I had therapy for this but it has since ended and I was ‘okay’ for months until this event. One main huge anxiety was ‘is this me wanting to do something or just the anxiety?’. My therapy helped guide me to it’s just the anxiety side but I’m back at that two road point where I don’t know what it is and I’m quite scared

[pav1984]

I would start seeing your therapist again to help you get back on track. If that means going through you gp then just say how you are feeling to them.

[Ben1989]

I just need nudging in the right direction