Hello,
First off I’m so happy to see I’m not alone battling my own mind all the time. Not sure where to even start but I guess a was a worrywart ever since I was little. I guess I didn’t start feeling the effects of my anxiety till about college age. First time I got “symptoms” when I found my dads friend was battling some illness that screwed up his digestive track and he always had stomach and bowel issues. I didn’t think anything of it but I guess my brain recorded it somehow and about 9 month later I start having all his symptoms (only the ones I knew he had, which was having diarrhea no matter what I ate) and it lasted for about a whole year! Numerous tests were run and doctors ruled everything out and attributed it to stress being in college ( which I didn’t think I was stressed at all as I was having a great time there) put me on some diet and some powder mix and about a year later all went away. Later I would also start noticing some numb patches on the top of my head that would come and ago but again didn’t think too much of it. I did have a very traumatic incident when I was 13 and my dad almost got killed and witnessed a brutal murder and our whole family was affected by it that we were forced to leave the country until everything settled down. After college I got married and was not in a good marriage where my ex tried to kill our unborn child and myself ( thankfully he didn’t succeed and I have a beautiful son now), I was so stressed out I can’t even begin to describe it. I’m afraid that did affect how my son is right now, he is so much like me as far as his nervousness gets and he is already having muscle twitches at that age. When I was about 25 one of my coworkers had a brother in law who just got diagnosed with ALS at a young age he was about 20 or 21. And that’s how everything started. Again I didn’t think I gave it a much thought but my brain must had to. May be 6 months after I knew about him I started having muscle twitches, twitches that would last months! Non stop! It started in my shoulder blade and twitches for about 4 -5 months non stop. I started googling and pretty much doomed myself. Then the twitching stop and would occasionally pop here and there, I battled my mind all the time, thinking about what would happen next and how I was going to leave my son without his mom. I was so fixed on those twitches that lasted years ( and continue to this day here and there) and made my life miserable. Somewhere along the line my friends Dad got diagnosed with bone cancer, so few months after I found out about that my bones started feeling that they were on fire, I mean it was so painful I had to sit in a tub filled with cold water just to cool off. My legs and my pelvic bone were just burning up, and that’s when I first went to the doctor thinking this is fuanlly it and I’m dying. After being in the office I was shocked when she referred me to a psychiatrist and I was angry at first because I knew I felt the pain and my muscles were visibly twitching all over so I was not making any of it up! But I went and I’m so happy I did. I was diagnosed with OCD and anxiety disorder, they put me on some antidepressants and my life changed. I was normal again l, the burning went away! And my muscles twitches weren’t as bad but still were there. Later for years I would have another hot spot pop up and start twitching for weeks and months and of course the fear of als (and later ms as I learned more about it) would come and go. I would spend nights googling and focusing on my symptoms. Not it has been about 14 years of me twitching so I kind of left the als fears alone, BUT MS and all new things I hear about are still present. So here is the list of my symptoms that my crazy body experiences whether it’s my mind or what causing it all but the minute I would get clear from the doc about some new symptom it goes away.
Muscle twitch - one time so bad I couldn’t type on the keyboard because it would jerk my hand so bad. Every time I stretch some muscle still twitches until my body relaxes again.
Muscle cramps in my feet that would just twist my legs.
Numb areas in my body, like if someone stuck a piece of tape to my skin ( can come and go and happen whereever)
Feels like something is crawling under my skin
Body aches and fever lasting weeks that would come and go
Burning sensations fells like my skin and bones on fire
Eye floaters, flashes
Eye pain and watering so bad had to spend two weeks indoors
Headaches ( new to me started about 2 years ago and also feels like one side of my head is on fire at the same time)
Nerves in my elbows have been damaged since the time I started having muscle twitches (which I initially tied to a..) But then remember that I had wore a jacket at my work with tight sleeves that I would always pull up and perhaps I probably damaged those nerves by doing that for months. Had the nerves checked and had the stupidest respond from the doctor saying that may be my nerves are too close to surface that is why I’m so sensitive, because the nerve study didn’t show any damage. But if someone brushes up agains my elbow it feels like I hit a funny bone, and stress and cold make it so much worse.
When one of my friends had gastric problems I experienced the same thing for about 4 month. Indigestion, heart burn pain everything she had I did too.
I had slurred speech for about 6 month, felt like my tongue was moving properly. Even heard myself on the recording and noticed it. I mean it was a legitimate slurring ( found out my friends husband who has MS had soeech problems and sure enough I got those too few months later)
I had experienced metallic, sweet and bitter taste in my mouth for about 3 months straight also.
All my symptoms come and go all the time sometimes lasting 4-6 months at a time. So here I’m thinking is that MS hitting different nerves all the time and going into remission? Had MRI done about 3-4 years ago and ruled that out, but I’m always thinking what if they missed it what if my lesions are on the spinal cord and they didn’t check that. My new thing now is eye flashes in one eye, started about a year and a half ago ( I went through some extreme stress few months before that that I was physically ill). Every time I stretch or yawn or get up too fast I see flashes in my right eye like pulsating white flash, I did notice it would start when I would get stressed and a hot feeling would come to my head and I would get a headache on the right side, mostly like a jaw face ache. Went to a doc a year ago did MRI with angio and didn’t show any anurism , I didn’t even know that’s what they were looking for. Then after I got my tests all clear I kid you not my symptoms disappeared just like that! But about 6 months later they are back again (along with my elevated stress again). I also noticed one of my pupils was dialating more that the other and it was the flashing eye, that’s when I went to get that checked and forgot about it until I started to stare at my eyes again and noticed it again. It happens when it’s in the darker room mostly in the bathroom where there is no natural light, I look at something close up so both pupils dilate and quickly look at the mirror and one does contact as the other one! Oh how am I sick of all those things I notice on my body! I go from on to not Ok and putting all my symptoms together thinking doctors for sure missed it, because look at all the obvious symptoms I’m having! Every time I’m at the doctors office I shake and tremble thinking what they are going to find and it elevates my anxiety even more. I have buried myself so many times and iterally had a will made and everything. I’m also afraid to actually miss something important and attribute it to my anxiety and that will turn out an actual illness. Sorry for writing such a long message, I just had to get it off my chest. That anxiety sucks, it does things to your body like you wouldn’t believe. I honestly think my brain mimics symptoms I hear other people have, so I try to stay away from reading anything crazy on the internet ( which does t always happen and I end up freaking myself out ) and I haven’t listed all the stuff my body experienced. So going to an eye doctor again on Monday and see what he has to say about the flashes and pupils displaying differently. Of course scared as always. I’m glad I found that I’m not the only one and I feel your pain and struggles.
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