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Thread: To get the vaccine or not

  1. #41
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    Sep 2018
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    Re: To get the vaccine or not

    Quote Originally Posted by NervUs View Post
    I know you are trying. Intrusive thoughts are really hard to fight. I went through this with bats, after finding a dead one in the house, and for awhile I thought I saw them everywhere. It is very hard, but you have to remind yourself you are unwell when these thoughts flood. And NOT go to the doctor. I know it feels like a real risk to your life, which is what makes it so hard....but unfortunately, this is the cross we have to bear.
    NervUs, thanks for your supportive words. At least you had a true reason to be so fearful of bats. Did you get PEP after finding the dead bat? How did you get over "seeing bats everywhere"? I'm constantly looking around. When I see birds fly, I say to myself, okay those are birds... so many birds in my neighborhood... you'd think that would be reassuring, like, look at all these birds. You've never seen bats, but you see birds all the time. I've been doing better the past couple of days. I bought a couple of workbooks, and as somebody on here suggested: You Are Not a Rock and The Man Who Couldn't Stop. I've also tried to accept the answers the doctor and my therapist gave me... of course, with OCD being the doubting disease, I still have the occasional inner monologue, "Geez that doctor seemed overly confident in his assurance that that mark was not a bat bite... He did seem to know a lot about bat bites, but there doesn't seem to be a consensus on what a bat bite looks like. He said the marks looked too close together and that it seemed to look like more of a pinch to the skin than anything else... but should I have gone to another doctor, just to have a second opinion? It was a teledoc appointment, so he didn't see the mark in person. Was the photo you sent good enough for him to judge?... Okay. Stop. You did what the doctor at the health department told you to do. You had a doctor look at the mark. You told him what you were worried about. He assured you, you're fine." BUT I am trying to just let those thoughts pass. I keep reminding myself that I would have to be the unluckiest person in the world for a bat to somehow fly down, bite me through my shirt, and fly away again without me noticing at all. I'm sure they can be stealthy, but that stealthy? My therapist said, "It's hard to unlearn something. So even when you've stopped the Googling, you've still got a lot in your brain from previous Googling." Which is so true. Wouldn't it be so easy to trust that doctor, if I hadn't already read several accounts of people barely getting brushed by a bat and seeing pinprick marks that prompted them to get the vaccine?

    I also just registered for some online school classes. I was worried to do it for a long time because, I was worried I wouldn't be able to focus my energy properly because my mind was so absorbed in this fear. My therapist thought it would be a great idea to shift my focus. I think the psychiatrist I saw put it really well when he explained that often times ADD and OCD go hand in hand, and while it may not be that a person with OCD can't pay attention, like what you classically think of with ADD, it's that they can't shift their attention. That was a big lightbulb moment. When I get absorbed in something it can be very hard for me to shift my attention. Obviously haha. I'm trying. I'm going to keep trying, trying, trying. I've had a stiff neck the past few days, which really never happens to me, but I just keep telling myself, "You're hyperaware of your body right now. Thinking about the stiff neck is just making your neck more stiff. This is anxiety."

    I also have surgery soon. I know that this fear is probably a way to distract me from that in a way. Now I've been thinking about that a lot... Anybody else with intrusive thoughts terrified to go under anesthesia because of what they might say?! That's my latest worry.

  2. #42

    Re: To get the vaccine or not

    Quote Originally Posted by Panicandpeace View Post
    NervUs, thanks for your supportive words. At least you had a true reason to be so fearful of bats. Did you get PEP after finding the dead bat? How did you get over "seeing bats everywhere"? I'm constantly looking around. When I see birds fly, I say to myself, okay those are birds... so many birds in my neighborhood... you'd think that would be reassuring, like, look at all these birds. You've never seen bats, but you see birds all the time. I've been doing better the past couple of days. I bought a couple of workbooks, and as somebody on here suggested: You Are Not a Rock and The Man Who Couldn't Stop. I've also tried to accept the answers the doctor and my therapist gave me... of course, with OCD being the doubting disease, I still have the occasional inner monologue, "Geez that doctor seemed overly confident in his assurance that that mark was not a bat bite... He did seem to know a lot about bat bites, but there doesn't seem to be a consensus on what a bat bite looks like. He said the marks looked too close together and that it seemed to look like more of a pinch to the skin than anything else... but should I have gone to another doctor, just to have a second opinion? It was a teledoc appointment, so he didn't see the mark in person. Was the photo you sent good enough for him to judge?... Okay. Stop. You did what the doctor at the health department told you to do. You had a doctor look at the mark. You told him what you were worried about. He assured you, you're fine." BUT I am trying to just let those thoughts pass. I keep reminding myself that I would have to be the unluckiest person in the world for a bat to somehow fly down, bite me through my shirt, and fly away again without me noticing at all. I'm sure they can be stealthy, but that stealthy? My therapist said, "It's hard to unlearn something. So even when you've stopped the Googling, you've still got a lot in your brain from previous Googling." Which is so true. Wouldn't it be so easy to trust that doctor, if I hadn't already read several accounts of people barely getting brushed by a bat and seeing pinprick marks that prompted them to get the vaccine?

    I also just registered for some online school classes. I was worried to do it for a long time because, I was worried I wouldn't be able to focus my energy properly because my mind was so absorbed in this fear. My therapist thought it would be a great idea to shift my focus. I think the psychiatrist I saw put it really well when he explained that often times ADD and OCD go hand in hand, and while it may not be that a person with OCD can't pay attention, like what you classically think of with ADD, it's that they can't shift their attention. That was a big lightbulb moment. When I get absorbed in something it can be very hard for me to shift my attention. Obviously haha. I'm trying. I'm going to keep trying, trying, trying. I've had a stiff neck the past few days, which really never happens to me, but I just keep telling myself, "You're hyperaware of your body right now. Thinking about the stiff neck is just making your neck more stiff. This is anxiety."

    I also have surgery soon. I know that this fear is probably a way to distract me from that in a way. Now I've been thinking about that a lot... Anybody else with intrusive thoughts terrified to go under anesthesia because of what they might say?! That's my latest worry.
    It's obviously good to challenge the thoughts but don't get too far down the rabbit hole of rumination - the mental gymnastics can be a form of ritual as well that only strengthens those connections in your brain!

  3. #43
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
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    670

    Re: To get the vaccine or not

    Quote Originally Posted by Scottyboy View Post
    It's obviously good to challenge the thoughts but don't get too far down the rabbit hole of rumination - the mental gymnastics can be a form of ritual as well that only strengthens those connections in your brain!
    Great insight, Scotty!

    ---------- Post added at 10:23 ---------- Previous post was at 09:47 ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by Panicandpeace View Post
    NervUs, thanks for your supportive words. At least you had a true reason to be so fearful of bats. Did you get PEP after finding the dead bat? How did you get over "seeing bats everywhere"? I'm constantly looking around. When I see birds fly, I say to myself, okay those are birds... so many birds in my neighborhood... you'd think that would be reassuring, like, look at all these birds. You've never seen bats, but you see birds all the time. I've been doing better the past couple of days. I bought a couple of workbooks, and as somebody on here suggested: You Are Not a Rock and The Man Who Couldn't Stop. I've also tried to accept the answers the doctor and my therapist gave me... of course, with OCD being the doubting disease, I still have the occasional inner monologue, "Geez that doctor seemed overly confident in his assurance that that mark was not a bat bite... He did seem to know a lot about bat bites, but there doesn't seem to be a consensus on what a bat bite looks like. He said the marks looked too close together and that it seemed to look like more of a pinch to the skin than anything else... but should I have gone to another doctor, just to have a second opinion? It was a teledoc appointment, so he didn't see the mark in person. Was the photo you sent good enough for him to judge?... Okay. Stop. You did what the doctor at the health department told you to do. You had a doctor look at the mark. You told him what you were worried about. He assured you, you're fine." BUT I am trying to just let those thoughts pass. I keep reminding myself that I would have to be the unluckiest person in the world for a bat to somehow fly down, bite me through my shirt, and fly away again without me noticing at all. I'm sure they can be stealthy, but that stealthy? My therapist said, "It's hard to unlearn something. So even when you've stopped the Googling, you've still got a lot in your brain from previous Googling." Which is so true. Wouldn't it be so easy to trust that doctor, if I hadn't already read several accounts of people barely getting brushed by a bat and seeing pinprick marks that prompted them to get the vaccine?

    I also just registered for some online school classes. I was worried to do it for a long time because, I was worried I wouldn't be able to focus my energy properly because my mind was so absorbed in this fear. My therapist thought it would be a great idea to shift my focus. I think the psychiatrist I saw put it really well when he explained that often times ADD and OCD go hand in hand, and while it may not be that a person with OCD can't pay attention, like what you classically think of with ADD, it's that they can't shift their attention. That was a big lightbulb moment. When I get absorbed in something it can be very hard for me to shift my attention. Obviously haha. I'm trying. I'm going to keep trying, trying, trying. I've had a stiff neck the past few days, which really never happens to me, but I just keep telling myself, "You're hyperaware of your body right now. Thinking about the stiff neck is just making your neck more stiff. This is anxiety."

    I also have surgery soon. I know that this fear is probably a way to distract me from that in a way. Now I've been thinking about that a lot... Anybody else with intrusive thoughts terrified to go under anesthesia because of what they might say?! That's my latest worry.
    Medical procedures are definitely hard when you have HA. You will get through it.

    Interesting about OCD being like ADHD. It is DEFINITELY hard to shift your thoughts when you have OCD. I experience that, as well as the hyperawareness of myself and my body. I think part of the struggle is teaching yourself not to react when your mind is screaming for you to react (as in obsess and panic) to something like a kink in the neck or a headache. One thing you can do is immediately substitute a thought for a panic thought, just do whatever you can- when your brain says your neck hurts- to adjust to thinking about something different, ideally something creative. I find that having a long term project that requires planning and thinking through can compete with health worry, esp if it engages you. Are you in college? Even thinking about papers you have to write or books you are reading can do the same.

    My bat situation was a bit of a strange one in that the bat had been dead for some time once I found it so we could not have it tested. I am going to spare you all the terrible details, but we ended up giving my daughter the RPEP (the bat had been in her room), but my two sons, my husband, and I did not take the PEP. My daughter, husband, and I fell under the CDC guidelines as we all sleep in the room. My husband and I decided against doing it because the cost is astronomical (we paid about $5K out of pocket for our daughter, and it would have cost more out of pocket for us) and we figured we most likely would have woken up. I read every case study I could find about bat rabies, and most of the victims actually DID wake up. The only known case of someone sleeping through a bat encounter was a 4 year old girl (my daughter was 4 when I found the carcass). Plus, it had been a long time (as I said, the bat had to have been there at least 6 months. I was emailing everyone in town, including a forensic anthropologist and the former head of the rabies program at the CDC. They both felt like the true period of risk had passed already, given the state of the carcass.

    I can also say, I have seen a bat skull very up close and personal. In fact, I still have the skull in a box out in my flowerbox because I don't want that nasty thing in my house, lol, but I can't bring myself to dispose of it. Anyway, you would be amazed at how small these things area. The teeth are tiny, so tiny I am not convinced they could even penetrate through a sweater. Even though I don't believe there was a bat involved in this incident you are fearing, even if it was a bat, clothing would be like armor to these teeth. They are really really tiny.

    How did I stop seeing bats everywhere? I am not entirely sure. I know, for a while, I was checking my house for bats nightly, since one had gotten into my house undetected. It is actually impossible to do that because they are small and, as I learned, can wind up anywhere, and the typical house has so much material in it that I think I finally just accepted that we are part of nature and, if this happens to us, we will have no choice but to accept it. I stopped checking and, now, I don't see or think much about bats. I said "much" because they do still cross my mind at times. But, the thought is fleeting and doesn't consume me like it used to. Finding that bat (I was actually a rabies worrier BEFORE this incident, given that we had a bunch of raccoons all up in our grill for a little while) was the BIGGEST FREAKOUT I have ever experienced in my 6 year career as a hypochondriac. I was too afraid even to write about it in an anxiety forum, I was so convinced my daughter was going to die, or one of my sons since I didn't know where the bat had been, or even myself or husband. But, I think knowing that a lot of time had passed since the bat would have been alive in the house-- and also seeing that each time we got sick was actually NOT rabies-- let me get the emotional distance I needed to come to acceptance that there is a small risk in life of being taken out by "nature" and that is just the way it is. I don't know if that comforts you at all, but I guess I found comfort in it somehow.

  4. #44
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    Sep 2018
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    61

    Re: To get the vaccine or not

    I did really well over the past weekend! I will admit, I've been worrying about my upcoming surgery so that's been a distraction... a worry to replace another worry. Not the best, but it was nice to not worry about rabies for a few days. Then, this morning, what I think was a leaf fluttered down in front of me. I think fall (autumn) and all of the leaves on the ground has been particularly hard for me because my brain just thinks they look like bats/you could easily miss a bat among the leaves. So, anyway, I stopped, paused to "check" which I know isn't helpful and probably makes everything worse even though I think it's going to be reassuring, didn't think I saw a bat. However, after I'd left the house, my brain kept saying, "Are you sure it wasn't a bat?" And of course, my answer is always, "Well, I thought so but now I'm not sure." It's just so frustrating because I really don't want to be the girl who cried bat so many times that if I actually ever encounter a bat, I brush it off and say, no it was a leaf... It's hard not trusting yourself. I know that probably sounds stupid. I'm trying not to get worked up like I did about the marks. I'm trying to reassure myself, but not overly so. It's cold and sprinkling outside. I'm like okay, bats are hibernating and bats don't like rain and it's daytime. BOOM. You'd think that would do the trick.

    ---------- Post added at 11:00 ---------- Previous post was at 10:16 ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by NervUs View Post
    Great insight, Scotty!

    ---------- Post added at 10:23 ---------- Previous post was at 09:47 ----------



    Medical procedures are definitely hard when you have HA. You will get through it.

    Interesting about OCD being like ADHD. It is DEFINITELY hard to shift your thoughts when you have OCD. I experience that, as well as the hyperawareness of myself and my body. I think part of the struggle is teaching yourself not to react when your mind is screaming for you to react (as in obsess and panic) to something like a kink in the neck or a headache. One thing you can do is immediately substitute a thought for a panic thought, just do whatever you can- when your brain says your neck hurts- to adjust to thinking about something different, ideally something creative. I find that having a long term project that requires planning and thinking through can compete with health worry, esp if it engages you. Are you in college? Even thinking about papers you have to write or books you are reading can do the same.

    My bat situation was a bit of a strange one in that the bat had been dead for some time once I found it so we could not have it tested. I am going to spare you all the terrible details, but we ended up giving my daughter the RPEP (the bat had been in her room), but my two sons, my husband, and I did not take the PEP. My daughter, husband, and I fell under the CDC guidelines as we all sleep in the room. My husband and I decided against doing it because the cost is astronomical (we paid about $5K out of pocket for our daughter, and it would have cost more out of pocket for us) and we figured we most likely would have woken up. I read every case study I could find about bat rabies, and most of the victims actually DID wake up. The only known case of someone sleeping through a bat encounter was a 4 year old girl (my daughter was 4 when I found the carcass). Plus, it had been a long time (as I said, the bat had to have been there at least 6 months. I was emailing everyone in town, including a forensic anthropologist and the former head of the rabies program at the CDC. They both felt like the true period of risk had passed already, given the state of the carcass.

    I can also say, I have seen a bat skull very up close and personal. In fact, I still have the skull in a box out in my flowerbox because I don't want that nasty thing in my house, lol, but I can't bring myself to dispose of it. Anyway, you would be amazed at how small these things area. The teeth are tiny, so tiny I am not convinced they could even penetrate through a sweater. Even though I don't believe there was a bat involved in this incident you are fearing, even if it was a bat, clothing would be like armor to these teeth. They are really really tiny.

    How did I stop seeing bats everywhere? I am not entirely sure. I know, for a while, I was checking my house for bats nightly, since one had gotten into my house undetected. It is actually impossible to do that because they are small and, as I learned, can wind up anywhere, and the typical house has so much material in it that I think I finally just accepted that we are part of nature and, if this happens to us, we will have no choice but to accept it. I stopped checking and, now, I don't see or think much about bats. I said "much" because they do still cross my mind at times. But, the thought is fleeting and doesn't consume me like it used to. Finding that bat (I was actually a rabies worrier BEFORE this incident, given that we had a bunch of raccoons all up in our grill for a little while) was the BIGGEST FREAKOUT I have ever experienced in my 6 year career as a hypochondriac. I was too afraid even to write about it in an anxiety forum, I was so convinced my daughter was going to die, or one of my sons since I didn't know where the bat had been, or even myself or husband. But, I think knowing that a lot of time had passed since the bat would have been alive in the house-- and also seeing that each time we got sick was actually NOT rabies-- let me get the emotional distance I needed to come to acceptance that there is a small risk in life of being taken out by "nature" and that is just the way it is. I don't know if that comforts you at all, but I guess I found comfort in it somehow.
    That is so great. I know the checking makes people with OCD think they're going to be reassured, but it never does. I know it's something I need to stop, but every time anything flutters by, I just feel like I have to check and make sure it wasn't a bat. No matter how many times I check, it's never enough to convince me that it wasn't. The hyperawareness definitely gets exhausting. Your acceptance of nature is really inspiring. I hope to get there one day.

  5. #45
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    Re: To get the vaccine or not

    Two perfect new little "bite" marks on my knuckle today. Y'all know the drill, the mental gymnastics I go through... it can never be anything but a bat bite in my brain. Pretty sure it's just chapped hands from the cold weather. However, the what ifs are strong today. "what if a bat bit you while walking to you car last night?..." Come onnn brain. A bat cannot bite your hand without you having a clue. These marks showing up in twos is not helpful. Really trying to just go about my day, and tell myself those marks are nothing. I have a therapy appointment today, thank goodness.

  6. #46
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    Re: To get the vaccine or not

    Good luck with your surgery, Panic. Let us know how to goes.
    I know you can stop self- checking. Just put little limits on it until you find you aren't doing it anymore. When people have run ins with wildlife, they know it. They don't have to stop and check. Maybe if you feel something flutter by, you can literally say to yourself, I don't have to check that and let your brain know who's boss. Everytime we give in, we are actually just strengthening that pathway in the brain that makes us so miserable. And, truly, you do not need to check!

    ---------- Post added at 12:20 ---------- Previous post was at 12:16 ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by Panicandpeace View Post
    Two perfect new little "bite" marks on my knuckle today. Y'all know the drill, the mental gymnastics I go through... it can never be anything but a bat bite in my brain. Pretty sure it's just chapped hands from the cold weather. However, the what ifs are strong today. "what if a bat bit you while walking to you car last night?..." Come onnn brain. A bat cannot bite your hand without you having a clue. These marks showing up in twos is not helpful. Really trying to just go about my day, and tell myself those marks are nothing. I have a therapy appointment today, thank goodness.
    Oh no...just saw this. The lesson to take is marks show up in twos. Even before the vaccine, rabies was pretty rare. And you have had what? Three exposures to rabies in 3 weeks? You know that is not possible. Marks come in twos, nothing more nothing less.

  7. #47
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    Re: To get the vaccine or not

    Quote Originally Posted by NervUs View Post
    Good luck with your surgery, Panic. Let us know how to goes.
    I know you can stop self- checking. Just put little limits on it until you find you aren't doing it anymore. When people have run ins with wildlife, they know it. They don't have to stop and check. Maybe if you feel something flutter by, you can literally say to yourself, I don't have to check that and let your brain know who's boss. Everytime we give in, we are actually just strengthening that pathway in the brain that makes us so miserable. And, truly, you do not need to check!

    ---------- Post added at 12:20 ---------- Previous post was at 12:16 ----------



    Oh no...just saw this. The lesson to take is marks show up in twos. Even before the vaccine, rabies was pretty rare. And you have had what? Three exposures to rabies in 3 weeks? You know that is not possible. Marks come in twos, nothing more nothing less.
    You're absolutely right about the checking strengthening the pathway to the brain. That marks show up in twos sometimes should be the takeaway lesson here, and I'm trying to resist the urge to call the doctor. You're right that would be 3 "exposures" in three weeks, and I know that's impossible. I'm not worried that all three of them happened, just that one of them might have happened. It's the crying wolf (in this case bat) thing... maybe the first instances weren't exposures, but this one is, and maybe I need to consult a doctor... I know, I know... eye roll. Trying.

  8. #48
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    Re: To get the vaccine or not

    I have a pretty calm few days... Like I've thought about bats, but it hasn't been the only thing I can think about. I've had a couple of "was that a bat?!" moments: seeing a shadow fly in front of me (made me think a bat flew behind me), still checking the ground a lot (trying not to), the doctor I spoke to at the health department a week or so ago had told me about some guy who had to get the shots because a bat was hiding out under his car, so now I get a little freaked out getting in and out of my car. I walked outside last night under some trees, and I didn't freak out, which I thought was good. I took the trash out the other day when it was kind of dark outside and was able to stay calm. Yesterday, as I was leaving my apartment, the wreath hanging on my door got caught in my hair which I didn't like because I imagined it felt like what a bat would feel like if they got tangled in your hair, but I calmed myself down pretty quickly. I think it's also a bit helpful that this is the time of year bats are hibernating. That eases my mind a tiny bit. Baby steps, right? My foot is kind of buzzing today, especially that toe. Trying to stay calm though.

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