Quote Originally Posted by NervUs View Post
I am no expert, but this sounds like OCD to me. If you are thinking you've been exposed to rabies literally just walking outside, those are intrusive thoughts. It sort of seems like a contamination issue to me (I have experienced that with parasite fear, so I am not judging, just observing).

People show up with puncture marks all the time without knowing what caused them. If people had to get rabies shots everytime something like that happened, well, WOW! The fact is, you need to live with uncertainty. You won't know what caused that wound. Could it have been a bat? Yes, there is like a 1 in a billion chance (and, yes, someone actually did the calculation on bat rabies from completely unknown exposure). But, there is no medical recommendation for a shot if you have an unexplained puncture wound which means.....

IT IS NOT A RISK.

If rabid bats were a leading cause of unexplained puncture wounds the recommendations would be totally different than they are. Rabies transmission is actually pretty well studied!

You are backing yourself so far into a corner with these intrusive thoughts until you are going to have no space left for yourself.

I would say, finding the right therapist is a must. You have no more time to play. I would also say, find someone with experience with OCD. For me, I dealt with my fear of parasite contamination with exposure, and it does help to see nothing bad has happened after walking in the area or letting my kids play in the area that I feared was contaminated). I'm not sure how you expose yourself to what you fear, but CBT plus desensitizing yourself to real bats might help you make progress.

Good luck!!!
You make excellent points. Excellent/rational points. I don't feel judged at all, I appreciate the input. I think part of the problem with OCD and health anxiety is that it's hard (sometimes nearly impossible) to be reassured. "Living with uncertainty" I've heard before. It's something I'm trying to work on. I'm sure a theme that runs in OCD is a fear of losing control, so uncertainty drives me crazy. I am looking in CBT, I just haven't found a therapist yet. There are actually a couple of OCD clinics where I live, but neither of them are covered by my insurance. I'm searching for other options.

I do think that these are intrusive thoughts. It's a symptom of OCD that I've had for years that has come and gone in waves. Never anything that I felt interfered with my life in any way until recently. But again, that part of my brain that is on high alert, thinks maybe the intrusive thoughts have come from an actual experience a few weeks ago with a bat. If you've read through this post, you'll have seen that I just haven't been able to gain confidence in my memory of what actually happened, as absurd as that sounds. It's terrifying to think that I don't know which memory is real. Not trusting your own memory... I mean, it's been really, truly exhausting and frustrating. And frightening.

I'm going to keep looking into my options for therapy!!

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Quote Originally Posted by Scottyboy View Post
You have OCD and intrusive thoughts. I suffered from similar delusions and got diagnosed with OCD. You have to begin CBT and perhaps ACT and ERP.

I seriously can relate. I have the exact same contamination worries. Nearly identical.
Definitely looking into my options for CBT!