Think I'm a drama queen

[panicdiva]

Just went back to work after having summer off (work in a school). Was dreading going back, not just because i was off for so long but because I knew that the problems with my job (not with kids I hasten to add) but with nasty line manager. Without going into all the boring details, I have had to deal with many (I work in 4 schools) very nasty, power crazy women. This one started her bullying tactics as soon as I walked through the door. It's not a welcoming nice place, & I am getting mucked about and have been now for sometime. I have put up with it, but I'm at the point now where I just want to walk, trouble is, I hate giving up on things. I have had a headache since MOnday, my emotions are on the surface, my stomach has been churning & I feel like it is all so hopless. I walked out today as I could not face it anymore. I have called someone higher up who has set up a meeting on Friday to sort things out.

The reason I think I am a drama queen is that I get myself into such a state about things. I haved bubbled infront of 3 people (from work) (not one who is giving me hard time!!!! with her I stood up to her) (but she does not lilke it, and it makes her worse) in last 3 days. I hate myself for doing this!!! I feel like such a failure for losing control of my emotions. I feel like people are thinking that I'm so weak and making a mountain of a molehill. Also, I think that I am such a bad person, so defiant, so militant for not allowing that women to walk all over me.

There is a pattern though with me. Women who are really strong, who have no qualms about what people think of them, who are in power, and who love making people's lives miserable, who no how to really make people squirm, terrify me!!!! I become very defiant though, and try to not let them upset me. I tend to stand my ground, and I do stick up for myself, but I never seem to be as good at it as they are. Also, my anxiety levels shoot up because I hate these confrontations & would rather not have them, so worry about it. Also, I often end up in tears in the bathroom. These particular women love people who are compliant, and they never have problems with them. So, I think I am too much of a rebel for my own good because I end up being on their most hated list. So I think, why don't you just let them be nasty, walk all over you? It would make my life easier. I feel like a troublemaker. Yet other people have said that this women is a nasty person.

This women is trying to get me to change my hours to suit her (just been put into her department), but it is 1hr & 15mins more per week (without pay) and it does not suit as I have my youngest to get to & from school. Also she is trying to get me to do a job that I am not there to do. I have gone above her to the man who oversees all this, not from the school, but from the Education dept. He has organised a meeting with myself, her & another staff member whom this is affecting. So, at least it is being dealt with.

I just feel totally inadequate because I fall apart in situations like this. I hate being put in positions like this. I just want it all to go away.

Does anyone have any theories on this? Does anyone experience this at work? or any other place? Anyone any theories on how to learn how to now allow my emotions to get the better of me - to not be scared of women like this - and to rise above it without it getting me into a state of anxiety?

Any advice or thoughts would be welcome.



PS - I often wonder if my reactive way of handling my emotions is part of my anxiety disorder?

[groovygranny]

Hello panicdiva!

I have gone above her to the man who oversees all this, not from the school, but from the Education dept. He has organised a meeting with myself, her & another staff member whom this is affecting. So, at least it is being dealt with.

That doesn't sound inadequate to me! You did the right thing here by going to someone who is oviously more reasonable than this woman and thankfully is senior to her.

And not allowing someone to walk all over you is not an indication that you are a bad person - on the contrary you sound as though you have a clear idea as to what is true and just.

Nobody likes confrontation, and sometimes it is unavoidable,but it can be productive and beneficial if handled wisely and deftly.

I think you have to raise your opinion of yourself - you are worthy of being treated fairly and with civility. This woman is not doing this and therefore is showing herself for what she really is - shallow, self-seeking and power crazy!

Women who are really strong, who have no qualms about what people think of them, who are in power, and who love making people's lives miserable, who no how to really make people squirm, terrify me!!!!

Don't fear women who do this - pity them. They do not have the sensitivity and compassion that you do. Those are the true personal strengths, not being inconsiderate, overbearing bullies.

When you feel a 'confrontation' coming on - breath slowly and deliberately and tell yourself you are as capable of standing your ground against these women in a controlled way as they are of intimidating you.

Take care

[darkangel]

HI PD

Ive read this over again and like GG says, I dont see an inadequate woman, I see one who is strong and powerful and saying what she wants. I think when we have anxiety, our self esteem tends to be quite low and we dont think much of ourselves. Ive been in the position with having to work under a demanding woman boss who thought I would just jump at her every whim. Sometimes the problem actually lies with them, and they use their power to control and munipulate but this time you have done something about it so well done. Very similar to a bully.
As for the emotions, we are only human and I can also be very emotional in circumstances. Next time, take a deep breath and keep repeating over and over to yourself that you are a worthwhile person.

Hugs to you

Darkangel

[kate]

I think you are doing everything right! Why should you work extra and get no pay?

Women like her, and I also worked for one exactly like her in my last job, like to pull rank as it covers their own inadequacies (at least, that's what I believe is the reason myself).

Stay strong

Kate