Hello.
About 6 months ago, I was asked to give a talk at a conference. The talk is next month. I accepted it because I wanted to do it, share my knowledge, give something back, get recognition and get over my fear, but now I'm really, really scared.
I don't know if I can do it, even though it goes great every time I practice alone, with my therapist or watching myself back on a recording. I've started getting sleepless nights, feeling breathless whenever I talk for too long, dizzyness/ weakness, and even IBS flare ups and diarrhoea.
Just last week, I met up with an online friend and worried about it all week. I was so scared whether they'd like me or not, if I'd live up to their expectations and so on. After it was done, I got home and was really unwell. I even missed work the next day because I got so stressed about it.
I'm learning, slowly, not to care about what others think... But I can't shake this fear of the talk. I haven't spoken to a crowd like this for years, and every time I have, I've been shaking, stuttering, dizzy, confused and so on.
I don't know if I'm looking for advice or reassurance, but I feel so alone right now. I wish someone could stand by me when I do it and hold my hand, saying it'll be okay, but they won't and I shouldn't be such a baby about it when I'm 32.