Can’t bring myself to take it

[Anxiousrabbit]

Hey

Was just wondering if anyone else had this or if I am just being stupid and/or irresponsible. I’ve been on citalopram for 4 1/2 years 20-30mg depending on how I feel. I came off it once 2yrs ago, went well for about three months... until it suddenly stopped going well.

My thing is, I hate it. I hate my weight gain, I hate my laziness I’ve developed since being on it + I hate the other personal physical symptoms. More than anything I hate the dependency. But I love how I go from day to day not planning my suicide and actually being able to function like a normal human. Sometimes I find myself forgetting a dose and then in my subsequent dropped mood I just can’t bear the thought of taking it again. It’s so stupid, because the meds have made me lazy and yet when I stop taking them, in my depressive funk I get even more lazy through withdrawals and hide under a duvet on my sofa at days at a time with an overwhelming sense of dread, thinking about every bad thing that’s happened and every stupid thing I’ve ever done - and I just think f everything I don’t want to take them.

Before the meds I was careful about my food, worked out a lot, was always reading, writing, painting and fully focused on work - with the exception of month(s) long periods where the depression and anxiety stopped me from functioning. Now I just feel like I alternate between being a functional slug and an unmedicated mess. I wish I could elevate myself to the best parts of myself without the meds.

[mark84]

I actually would have disagreed, but since I tried lowering the dose of citalopram I've noticed that I have a ton more energy, my body composition has notably improved (less fat,more muscle) and things *cough* function as they should!
I did well on it for a long time on a mere 10mg, all I can advise is to try and find a happy middle, which is much easier said than done.

[Anxiousrabbit]

Thank you for sharing your experience Mark. I must ask then, from one cit user to another, do you get that fog at the end of the day where you struggle to push yourself to do anymore outside of what is expected (almost like you have limited energy which fixes you purely to work, commute + sleep)? And if so, how do you encourage yourself to get to the gym and not just veg out on the sofa with carbs? Or have you found the key is purely dropping the dose to 10mg?

I actually would have disagreed, but since I tried lowering the dose of citalopram I've noticed that I have a ton more energy, my body composition has notably improved (less fat,more muscle) and things *cough* function as they should!
I did well on it for a long time on a mere 10mg, all I can advise is to try and find a happy middle, which is much easier said than done.

[mark84]

Thank you for sharing your experience Mark. I must ask then, from one cit user to another, do you get that fog at the end of the day where you struggle to push yourself to do anymore outside of what is expected (almost like you have limited energy which fixes you purely to work, commute + sleep)? And if so, how do you encourage yourself to get to the gym and not just veg out on the sofa with carbs? Or have you found the key is purely dropping the dose to 10mg?

Hmmm,interesting question, I work out a lot - I find it a great relief because I notice mental health benefits. Other than that all I actually do do is work and sleep and watch a bit of tv to unwind before bed lol. With regards to the end of the day, it's normal to feel tired, I guess it depends how near the end of the day you're talking, how much you're working(and what sort of job) and of course your age.
I think anyone,citalopram users or not find the idea of sitting on a sofa pigging out on crisps before bed quite tempting! My only solution if your appetite is out of hand is to consider more fats and proteins, fats are your friend- it settles in your stomach giving you that full feeling, so nuts and seeds might be better than crisps etc.
I'm sorry if I've not been more help :(

[Suziewuzie]

It's tough, I know. I just restarted (now 7 days in) after around 18 months off it. It wasn't an easy decision but hey - anything is better than the way I've been feeling for the past few months. I find the first few weeks pretty crappy but after that I don't think I have any laziness / fog, maybe I'm just lucky.