I feel unmotivated

[SkyBlue252]

I am 30 years old and feel unmotivated, I feel lazy to try anything, I wasted my 20s procastinating, letting anxiety get to me, had low self esteem, social anxiety all my life.

Don't know why but I am thick at a lot of things, I find social situations confusing and still unable to fit in.

In fact, social situations tire me.

I work at home with my parents, I have to like it, well pretend to like it, despite feeling frustrated inside, bored of my life, want to do something different, but right now, I can't be bothered anymore.
I have no choice without others making changes, it's not so easy to pack up and leave.

I hate waking up in the morning, I hate to do anything. Even though I do help around, "work" I hate it. I don't want to work, even though I must. But I'd hate to be on the dole or doing nothing all day.

I don't see the point anymore. You live in this world to just work to serve others, you carry on a family buisness, in my case a farm, because thats what your parents and grand parents and great grandparents have been doing and its your heritage.

Besides, its unprofitable and boring anyways.

My parents are old now, most people my age have grown up to be responsible and know what they are doing and what thry want from life...

I sometimes I feel like wanting to escape, book a plane or train ticket out of the country, maybe work abroad. I have the savings, French seems to be tge only foreign language I know though..

I fear change, its uncomfortable and I don't know what to do or where to start..

I have no idea what I'd like to do instead. I once wanted to be an electrician in my early 20s, but I suck at maths. No matter how hard I tried.

All I know is that I am useless and clumsy at a lot of things. I feel lazy and unmotivated to try, I feel like a failure, everything I try goes wrong or not good enough,

I still rely on others to check if I'm doing things properly.

I feel I wasted too much of my time and I see it rushing ahea, now I feel like what's the point if anything anymore.

[Tyke]

There are all sorts of options to work abroad and if you can afford to do voluntary work even more so. But are you sure the family business is so bad? There is a lot worse than boring, I have met people that deal with angry and violent people all day or have colleagues that are so unpleasant they are on the verge of a total breakdown as well as employers who constantly set impossible unachievable targets and berate them for not doing better.

Maybe if you just had a break away you'd feel more positive? Maybe you could find a way to make the family business more profitable and gain some satisfaction that way? I know exactly what you mean about feeling useless, but you do have a certain amount of freedom if you can choose whether or not to opt into the family farm business rather than face the current employment rat race of tough interviews for stressful jobs, where you often get little appreciation for your efforts. If you truly aren't that talented when it comes to work, doesn't the family business offer a safe bolthole? I wish I'd have had something like that, even if it did mean being quite poor. Money and excitement aren't everything.

[Suziewuzie]

That's certainly a lot to take in. Is this the first time you've spoke about how you feel? I feel exhausted for you! We all feel unmotivated at times, but do you think it's more than just general laziness? Go and tell your GP how you're feeling asap.

I really, really feel that you should get a break from your current situation - you don't have to go abroad but maybe take yourself away for a few days and have some time to reflect & really think about what it is that YOU want. You're only 30 (same as me) it's absolutely not too late to start over or find a new passion.

[mark84]

Every job sucks for some reason, it'd be called fun not work if that wasn't the case.
With regards to the business, maybe you can revitalise it, new crops, different livestock?? Make your own mark on it. There's a farmers son near me and he's making money not from farming but using the land for some sort of remote control car championship, and on tv ive seen farmers letting land as camp sites. Maybe there's some interesting options.

I also wasted much of my life with anxiety, like you all my 20s were horrendous. It's sad, but thankfully there's years of life left. Book a trip or experience somewhere if that takes your fancy, a break might do you good.

[SkyBlue252]

There are all sorts of options to work abroad and if you can afford to do voluntary work even more so. But are you sure the family business is so bad? There is a lot worse than boring, I have met people that deal with angry and violent people all day or have colleagues that are so unpleasant they are on the verge of a total breakdown as well as employers who constantly set impossible unachievable targets and berate them for not doing better.

Maybe if you just had a break away you'd feel more positive? Maybe you could find a way to make the family business more profitable and gain some satisfaction that way? I know exactly what you mean about feeling useless, but you do have a certain amount of freedom if you can choose whether or not to opt into the family farm business rather than face the current employment rat race of tough interviews for stressful jobs, where you often get little appreciation for your efforts. If you truly aren't that talented when it comes to work, doesn't the family business offer a safe bolthole? I wish I'd have had something like that, even if it did mean being quite poor. Money and excitement aren't everything.

Hi, thanks for your message, yeah I think there are worse jobs to be had, like working with violent volatile people, I don't think I'd like to be a surgeon or work in ICU or care homes, cleaning maggots out of sheep's backside in summer is gross, I don't think i'd darevto clean a human's backside even if I get high wages....

Nasty employers are one of my fears about ever considering working elsewhere as well as working to someone higher than me' exectations.
Which is why I rather be self employed, but I guess I need to be employed with a professional first before working in construction, i.e electrical engineering or plastering/decorating.

I think hearing my dad moan all the time about all the bills comming in and paying more than you get out just makes it feel more depressing. Even other farmers like to moan, esoevially this year.

It kinda makes me wonder why I bother, most work is working for nothing.

I think too it's interest, one of my neighbour's is so passionate about sheep, I am not, cattle are ok, but so much rules and regulations and the work with them makes it feel unenjoyable.
I find the work with them boring, I don't mind climbing mountains, but climbing up one to take sherp down and shear them for just a total of £350 just makes it feel a waste of time.

To work with animals who are daft and want to either run away from you or attack you if they can (whcvh i don't blame them really) you need patience, I don't seem to have that patience. I'm nog even keen on dogs.

I like wild animals more than livestock.

There are limited things you can do on a hill farm, we don't get as much as those in arable areas like in the east of England, eveb government grants for wildlife conservation is quite low, but its the only thing that keeps farming alive these days.

I had considered ideas, but my dad was always against them, because he thinks it's not economicallyy worth it, like I really like to try renewable energy, solar panels that kind of stuff, but it costs over £15,000.

Wanted to do barn conversion, that's over a hundred thousand, we're currently redoing a house belonging to my great aunt into a holiday let, after we rented it out to tenants who created thousands of pounds in damages.
I think the whole clearing up after them this past 3 months made it feel more like "why bother."

So it's tough, maybe there is an idea out there. I guess being at home does provide a safe bolthole.
I had considered volunteering, like work exchange kind of thing, see how it goes.

Thanks for your advice anyway.

---------- Post added at 19:06 ---------- Previous post was at 19:01 ----------

That's certainly a lot to take in. Is this the first time you've spoke about how you feel? I feel exhausted for you! We all feel unmotivated at times, but do you think it's more than just general laziness? Go and tell your GP how you're feeling asap.

I really, really feel that you should get a break from your current situation - you don't have to go abroad but maybe take yourself away for a few days and have some time to reflect & really think about what it is that YOU want. You're only 30 (same as me) it's absolutely not too late to start over or find a new passion.

Thanks for your advice, the only person I told was the doctor, he thinks it's mild depression and had given me contact details of a therapy group by "Mind".
They wanted to start with curing my social anxiety through CBT first.

[mark84]

Do you have the savings to try that renewable energy idea you suggested? Maybe there's grants to help?
I know someone who's a decorator and it's a decent job actually, good pay for sure if you can get a good reputation.

[SkyBlue252]

Every job sucks for some reason, it'd be called fun not work if that wasn't the case.
With regards to the business, maybe you can revitalise it, new crops, different livestock?? Make your own mark on it. There's a farmers son near me and he's making money not from farming but using the land for some sort of remote control car championship, and on tv ive seen farmers letting land as camp sites. Maybe there's some interesting options.

I also wasted much of my life with anxiety, like you all my 20s were horrendous. It's sad, but thankfully there's years of life left. Book a trip or experience somewhere if that takes your fancy, a break might do you good.

It's not possible to try growing crops here, it's a hill farm and the land is not suitable, only mountain breeds of livestock can survive here through the winter, low land animals need more food making it cost more, and there' just too much competition anyway.

We got a camp site but it's only for organisations that bring kids camping, the national park won't allow anything more than that because there's 4 farms doing it already. Even though they don't own the land they are quite strict.
I learned to do a log cabin many years ago, I wanted to try making one at home, they wouldn't allow it without planning permission.

Remote control car championship sounds fun.

---------- Post added at 23:39 ---------- Previous post was at 23:30 ----------

Do you have the savings to try that renewable energy idea you suggested? Maybe there's grants to help?
I know someone who's a decorator and it's a decent job actually, good pay for sure if you can get a good reputation.

Yeah I think I do, I seen some online that offer grants for it, had some companies to come and have a look, with hydro and solar panels, they became quiet after realising it's not as easy as they thought or what Scottish power who run the electricity want for installing equiptment and how much they give to make it economically worth it.