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Thread: As good as it gets .

  1. #621
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    Mar 2016
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    Re: As good as it gets .

    Quote Originally Posted by Buster70 View Post
    the last two days she was in a bad mood over something as daft as the thought that I might not do anything special for Valentine’s Day because I said I hadn’t thought about it when asked , this blew up into an argument which I could really do without, I’m not sure if it’s the menopause or being ill so much but I hate the tension.
    Hormone imbalance and illness makes for cranky partner Buster. My advice? Build yourself a big shed - with electrics - and make this your man pod until her hormones settle into their new 'norm'.

    I still feel weepy at least once a day about my mum but my partner didn’t get on with her so if I try and tell her how I’m feeling she either shuts down completely or says it’s my fault for not grieving and bottling it up , my mum wasn’t good to her when we were younger especially if she didn’t get her own way so I do understand but I did desperately wanted them to make up before she died , my partner did try to help her on quite a few occasions and my mum used to talk very fondly of her but I guess she had forgotten how she’d treated her before .
    Sorry your partner is being like this with you Buster. I empathise with her re illness and the meno but no matter what her relationship was with your mum, this is your mother, and I don't think some emotional support and compassion is too much to ask from your partner regardless of her personal feelings towards your mum. Maybe she is just too wrapped up in her own shit to see this?

    This Morning I walked the dogs down the flooded river Trent it was a beautiful morning and sunrise but all I could think was one step off the bank and it all stops.
    I can empathise totally, only it's the sea with me.

    Thing is Buster, you know your hounds would get you out of the river if you went in and then you'd have to walk home sopping wet mate, ya get me?

    Whatever you don't have in your life, at the moment, those dogs are with you and they will love you through your grief.

    not seeing my daughters or grandkids is torture just day in day out of the same trudging through sludge , normally there would be a glimmer of hope that come spring we’d be off down the coast but I have no idea when things will get better with covid going on
    My first (and only) grandson is one in a few weeks, and I've only 'seen' him about 3 times before COVID restrictions prevented it. I miss that little boy so much! I haven't been able to hug him or my sons. I miss them so much it physically hurts. But the end is in sight. Things will gradually get better. There will be an end to this. Or at least a return to some kind of normality.

    You'll be OK Buster. Remember, man-shed.
    __________________
    A thought is harmless unless we believe it.

  2. #622
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
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    Re: As good as it gets .

    Thanks PM ,Ants,Lola , Nora , not feeling any better yet but there’s always tomorrow, hope you lot are doing ok , Nora if you saw how many man caves I have it’s ridiculous, a beach hut in the garden ( we’re a hundred mile from the beach ) a lock up that backs onto the canal so I see the boats and swans go by ( when it’s not frozen ) an empty house now my daughter has gone , I go to all of them but I hate being on my own just too much thinking time , I wish I could turn off my brain when I get there , I miss the sea sooo much you’re lucky if you’re close to it and sorry you are not seeing your kids and grand kids either , I keep wondering if it’s worth the risk just to see them .
    I think I’m just being too over sensitive right now , every comment my partner makes I go over and over , she said something before she went to sleep , I asked if she loves me and she said “ no you annoy me “ which I do , she may well have been joking but it planted the seed and my mind wouldn’t let it go so half three in the morning I’m sat with the dogs wide awake and the bloody dog is taking up all the sofa .
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    Last edited by Buster70; 26-01-21 at 04:44.

  3. #623
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    Re: As good as it gets .

    Quote Originally Posted by Buster70 View Post
    I miss the sea sooo much you’re lucky if you’re close to it and sorry you are not seeing your kids and grand kids either , I keep wondering if it’s worth the risk just to see them .
    I'm nowhere near the sea, but I make sure I go to the coast at least three times a year (normally) and other than that, I look at it on YouTube.

    I do 'meet' up with mine on Zoom. Hate that sort of thing but I've had to learn to try and tolerate my issues with video etc in order to 'see' my boys and my grandson.

    I think I’m just being too over sensitive right now , every comment my partner makes I go over and over , she said something before she went to sleep , I asked if she loves me and she said “ no you annoy me “ which I do , she may well have been joking but it planted the seed and my mind wouldn’t let it go so half three in the morning I’m sat with the dogs wide awake and the bloody dog is taking up all the sofa .
    Oh mate. I'm very sorry you're feeling so down and unsupported, but we're all here for you - and ya hound - even is he is hogging all the sofa!

    Great pic! Try and get out again today and let nature work its magic.
    __________________
    A thought is harmless unless we believe it.

  4. #624
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    Re: As good as it gets .

    Hi Buster, dogs do that don't they, take up the sofa. Is your dog pictured a he or she, looks a great character though as dogs always are. They just accept us. Your partner does too and she'll have been joking, but sometimes we take it to heart. I may have to keep this post short due to a Morrison's delivery between 10 and 11, you have to take them whatever the time with so many people shopping online with lockdown.

    I understand the daughter thing, mine has moved into an en suite room for the time being. Covid is affecting people in a multitude of ways, not just the obvious. I miss her. Look after yourself mate.
    __________________
    'It was a wedding ring, destined to be found in a cheap hotel, lost in a kitchen sink, or thrown in a wishing well' - Marillion, Clutching at Straws, 1987

  5. #625
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    Re: As good as it gets .

    I wouldn't make yourself vulnerable by asking her such an emotive question, Buster. Give her a wide berth if she's being cranky?

  6. #626
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    Re: As good as it gets .

    Hi all , felt a lot better today , I am up and down like a bloody yo-yo but there are are still up days .
    Nora I don’t know what it is about the sea that calms me and seems to put things in perspective, my daughter mentioned something I said to her last year in the eulogy she read at my mums funeral, we were at the coast last year after lockdown and I lay on the beach ( fully clothed it was the uk ) the sun was on my face with a gentle breeze and I nearly nodded off , I said to my daughter “ if I fell asleep right now and didn’t wake up again it would be a bad way to go “ she took it as not be scared to die ,it gave her comfort in being diagnosed with her illness and not being so afraid, the sea does heal the mind , I’m also rubbish with new fandangled tech I’d rather talk face to face without masks , I often cut off video calls from my girls or put the phone to my ear , nice view dad you have ear wax .
    Fish that is my younger dog she’s an all action muscle bound girl so everyone says HE , there is nothing girly about her but she is soft as muck , she’ll sit and Buster watch for ages for some reason she adores me , she’s actually stuck to my leg now .
    Pulisa I know I’ve become too clingy and seeking reassurance isn’t good , I know what I’m doing is wrong even as I do it but it’s like an itch I have to scratch , I know I should give her space but I’m a fixer if it’s broke I think it won’t get better on its own so I keep on trying to fix things even though I know I’m making things worse , pick pick pick break should have left it alone , sometimes in my workshop I have to walk away from a job and come back next day with a fresh head and then things go better ,I should apply this to my relationship but it’s soo hard .
    Lola I’ve saved two snowballs for you in the freezer feel free to pop round anytime and collect them or I can post them for a small fee , there were a lot of sorry looking snow men today slumped over thawing out one had his head slumped down with is carrot features on the floor ,it looked like he’d got hammered and thrown up .
    Again thank you , being me is exhausting and I guess the same for you .x

  7. #627
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    Jun 2014
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    Re: As good as it gets .

    It's easy to give advice online..Far more difficult when you're in the thick of it. I'd just say don't make excuses for her behaviour all the time and don't let her contribute to your low self esteem?

  8. #628
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    Re: As good as it gets .

    The happy feeling was short lived my mums brother passed away today from covid , it was expected he was old and not in very good health but still upsetting , what goes up must come down

  9. #629
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    Dec 2014
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    Re: As good as it gets .

    Quote Originally Posted by Buster70 View Post
    The happy feeling was short lived my mums brother passed away today from covid , it was expected he was old and not in very good health but still upsetting , what goes up must come down
    It might have been "expected" Buster, but it is still a life lost.

    My sincere condolences to you.

  10. #630
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    Re: As good as it gets .

    Quote Originally Posted by Buster70 View Post
    .
    Nora I don’t know what it is about the sea that calms me and seems to put things in perspective, my daughter mentioned something I said to her last year in the eulogy she read at my mums funeral, we were at the coast last year after lockdown and I lay on the beach ( fully clothed it was the uk ) the sun was on my face with a gentle breeze and I nearly nodded off
    If you're able to visualise - try taking yourself back to this place when 'the clouds roll over' as it were?

    I go to Black Rock Sands in Wales. It's my favourite beach. Lots of memories of my boys growing up and a hugely playful lurcher jumping the waves -also shitting in front of people having picnics

    I really get into it. I have seaside sounds (waves and gulls) on my iPod and I play that while I take myself back to my beach. It's always 'just right' for me. Not too hot or cold. No shrieking kids or irate parents. No Carling cans sticking out of the sand..

    I said to my daughter “ if I fell asleep right now and didn’t wake up again it would be a bad way to go “ she took it as not be scared to die ,it gave her comfort in being diagnosed with her illness and not being so afraid, the sea does heal the mind
    I think it's the absolute best way to go myself!

    Thing is, when I say things like this to my husband re the beach and walking into the sea etc he thinks I'm going to do a Reggie Perrin? The dude doesn't understand that they are just thoughts which I find comforting, but in a non-suicidal way - if that makes sense? I aint suicidal. Things to do, people to piss off.

    I’m also rubbish with new fandangled tech I’d rather talk face to face without masks , I often cut off video calls from my girls or put the phone to my ear , nice view dad you have ear wax
    I have a phobia of these things - videos etc. My first wedding was videoed by my Uncle who thought he was Steven Spielberg. Anybody would think I was being held hostage by the look on my face!

    My need to see my boys and grandson takes precedence over my discomfort with the camera. That little boy needs to know who I am. I've waited too long to be a grandma!
    __________________
    A thought is harmless unless we believe it.

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