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  1. #411
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    1,689

    Re: As good as it gets .

    Well I thought I could do isolation standing on my head , turns out not so easy , I have lots of projects to do so it’s easy to keep busy and I could go back to selling if I keep it no contact , what I didn’t account for is not being a me to see my mum who is in very poor health and not being able to see my grandkids who brighten up my dark days , I get video calls and ring my mum regularly but it’s not the same , I’m also self isolating with my partner who makes it clear she doesn’t want to be with me , I probably deserve it I’m not the nicest person anxiety makes you selfish and paranoid, what I see as trying to protect us both she sees as controlling, funny that last year I was worried sick about the big party she was inviting all my old friends to for her 50th and now nowhere will be open and only a week ago we were arguing about her going to get her nails done and the next day they all closed down , I didn’t start this virus just to get out of a party by the way, you never know how things will turn out no matter how much your anxiety try’s to predict the future.
    My usual routine has also gone pear shaped , the rules say I can’t use my van to go walk the dogs which is what I usually do each morning , so now instead of driving a mile to a deserted area I have to walk the streets ( not for money ) which means coming into contact with lots of people doing the same and although this is ok for my old dog she’s 14 this year my young one is a bundle of muscle and energy so she needs a run off lead which I cant do on the streets .
    I guess by the end of the day my partner will be moved over to my daughters again , she’s been sent home from work and lives alone now so it can be done .
    Im desperately trying to keep it together but lack of sleep and constant worry does make you have some very dark thoughts , still you plod on don’t you .
    Thanks for taking the time to reply before Carnation hope you are plodding on too and anyone else reading .
    Take care

  2. #412
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    509

    Re: As good as it gets .

    Buster I’m so sorry you’re having such a rough time. With everything going on in the outside world, when our “inside” world is in such a state it just makes everything harder.

    I sympathize with your young pup needing to run off energy. My youngest dog is like that too!! You can definitely tell when she needs to be let loose for awhile and all our dog parks in the area have closed down as well. I have a small backyard area she can run in but by the time she circles it ten times she may be dizzy haha. It’s not very large. But I guess it’s better than nothing.

    try to take care of yourself and we’re all here for you if you need a chat!!

  3. #413
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    6,734

    Re: As good as it gets .

    It's not that easy, is it Buster.
    I think in the beginning people thought they could get jobs done in house, have a well earned rest, chill and hibernate with their comforts.
    But emotional exhaustion takes over and the lack of contact with family and friends is so soul destroying.
    The days feel like weeks and it's only been 9 days for most.
    Thank god for the internet.
    One of the things I find the hardest is having nothing to look forward to, just a slither of excitement.
    Food seems to be the only thrill and you can't get too much of that these days.
    But we have to count our lucky stars we are a lot better off than some people. x

  4. #414
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    1,689

    Re: As good as it gets .

    Thanks for the comments, Glassgirl my younger dog will watch me like a hawk until she gets to go out any slight move and she’s heading for the door even the old girl acts like a pup every morning as if she hasn’t seen me for weeks , mine are Staffordshire bull terriers and they never grow up .
    I know what you mean Carnation about nothing to look forward to , we paid for a caravan weeks ago and should be there this weekend but I can’t see the sites opening up again this year , we also paid for two more holidays later in the year , you know what I’m like for running to the coast when things get tough , not seeing the sea until god knows when will break me , I’ve been working in my land locked beach hut for the last week but space is tight , my other lock up is bigger and backs onto the canal so it’s a nicer place to be but there is the chance of unwanted visitors when I go there .
    wouldnt it be good to just go to sleep and wake up when it’s all over , I live between two cities in a very industrial area I’ve never known it so eerily quiet even the motorways are quiet.
    Things are not good at home I love her so much but I don’t handle her being constantly ill well , right now it’s hard to give her some space .
    Thanks .

  5. #415
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    1,689

    Re: As good as it gets .

    Well I’ve had to move out ( yeah I know lock down stay home and all that ) everyday problems don’t stop for covid , people Will still die of other causes, some will get hit by a truck while out buying bog roll and others will die of boredom, for me my nightmare home life hasn’t suddenly turned into an episode of the waltons , things got so unbearable today so one us had to go so it was me .
    I was in a state earlier but calmer now , it seems everything that I got out of bed for in the mornings and struggled through the day for has now gone , I can’t see my grandkids or mother , my partner doesn’t want to be anywhere near me , holidays are cancelled, the dogs are with her , my hair jumped ship long ago and yesterday I noticed a grey eyebrow after putting cheap glasses onto my failing eyes , if I were a horse you’d take me out back and shoot me .
    But on the good side ,,,,, no I’ve got nothing .
    Take care all .

  6. #416
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    1,151

    Re: As good as it gets .

    Crikey Buster, I really am sorry to hear this. I think with this virus and the resultant lock down, people are under a lot of strain and if there are already problems in a relationship, the aforementioned will emphasise them. When this started off Mrs F said I was controlling her about going out etc but now she gets it, she's been upstairs for the past 10 days or more.

    So are you in your shed? I wish I had some magic words but I don't, other than things can only get better? Try to stay positive if you can, you've got through situations like this before. Stay safe buddy.
    __________________
    'It was a wedding ring, destined to be found in a cheap hotel, lost in a kitchen sink, or thrown in a wishing well' - Marillion, Clutching at Straws, 1987

  7. #417
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    509

    Re: As good as it gets .

    I’m so sorry Buster. Remember we’re all here for you and will help however we can, even if just listening/reading posts. So much turmoil in general right now and emotions running high. Maybe once things start to calm down again, things will be different for you.

    do you at least have somewhere you can go in all this?

  8. #418
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    1,689

    Re: As good as it gets .

    Hi , my usual escape is my camper but not sure how that would go down , every time I go out in it the cops are up and down the streets checking why people are out ,I’m on the sofa at my daughters just wish I had something to knock me out can’t sleep , going to have to go and get some bits from the supermarket today which I’m dreading , it’s not where I thought I’d be in life at nearly fifty , I don’t ask for much just a quiet life .

  9. #419
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    9,678

    Re: As good as it gets .

    I reckon a lot of us just try to get through the days as best we can when things are "normal" but in this situation all our "escape routes" are forbidden so we are just left with overwhelming panic and agitation and a sense of despair.

    You will find a way through this, Buster, if only for your grandkids who need you and will need you even more when all this is over. And it IS just temporary..It's not a life sentence even though it seems like it. Please don't give up hope x

  10. #420
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    1,689

    Re: As good as it gets .

    It does feel that things can never go back to normal but then things weren’t that normal before .
    Had rubbish night trying to sleep and I’ve woken up in a panic , last night I hadn’t eaten so went to the supermarket instead of buying food I bought a couple of bottles of beer , as queued up I heard the checkout girl say she’d had a bad side throat the day before , I should have left the queue but didn’t so she then handled the bottles which I later drank out of the bottle , you can guess what I’m now thinking , I’ve got nothing with me so I need to go home at some point but now I’m paranoid I might be infected and infect others , I’ve been so carful for the last ten days and I’ve done this because I was so emotionally upset , having asthma it wouldn’t end well for me .
    Thank you for the kind words .

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