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Thread: As good as it gets .

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    1,663

    As good as it gets .

    I'm currently hiding from life in a tin box down the east coast , walked my dogs this evening and there isn't a soul insight hundreds of empty caravans in darkness , so it should be a place of calm with no threats but I still can't relax .
    Yesterday I took a drive to a small country town where I planned on looking though some antique/ junk shops for a few bargains , it's somthing I love to do but my unwanted freind anxiety came along for the trip , it just made it no fun , I was tensed up like a coiled spring , my lungs wouldn't operate in a normal fashion so I was constantly aware of my breathing .
    I did what I wanted to do which isn't more than some could do but as I drove back I was overcome with a sense of is this as good as it gets ? Every day a struggle to live a basic normal life , the usual intrusive thoughts popped into my head while driving, why not steer into oncoming traffic and not have to go through this shite the next day .
    It's been seven years since I boarded the crazy train and each time I've made progress towards having my old life back there has been a big knock back usually family related to keep me aboard.
    So my question to you guys ( if you are still reading and haven't thrown yourself into a woodchipper ) is it better to accept this is how I/we are now , people lose limbs , sight , hearing and adapt and carry on , I'm still living in the past how my life was then trying each day to turn the clock back , how many say I just want to feel how I used to ? .
    My mind , heart ,lungs muscles all seem to be at odds with each other there is no harmony just constant pain and tension .
    Hiding and avoiding confrontation is not me and It bothers me greatly to keep quiet when somthing is clearly wrong , not stepping up plays hard on my conscience but life is full of problems and confrontation.
    So keep on fighting what seems an impossible battle or accept this is as good as it gets ? And just make do with how things are now .
    Sorry for the depressing rant I might have cabin fever , or worse

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    6,482

    Re: As good as it gets .

    Hiya Buster
    Not great weather is it?
    But hey, you've got away and you can please yourself.
    Listen, what you wrote, you know we could all write that when on a downer and not feeling our best.
    The thing is also, when we stop after a harrowing time of stress and worry, that's when it hits us the most.
    And they do say anxiety and depression go hand in hand.
    I think you are amazing. You push through difficult times, put others first and have so much love for everyone.
    Take this time to just lick your wounds, build up your energy levels and go with the flow.

    ---------- Post added at 10:26 ---------- Previous post was at 10:22 ----------

    By the way, I love that film, 'As Good as it Gets'. Worth a watch, funny and inspiring.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    972

    Re: As good as it gets .

    I agree with Carnation in the assertion that you do amazingly Buster. You have so much to cope with and that's before we even factor in your anxiety. In answer to your question, yes I do believe this is as good as it gets, some might say that's negative but I see it as realistic. Though of course I long for the days of pre-anxiety (pre-1985 for me) and do my fair share of wishing I could turn the clock back. However I've resigned myself to carrying this albatross around my neck for the rest of my days. It's not easy as you know well enough yourself, but what alternative is there other than those dark thoughts you alluded to? Hang in there mate.
    __________________
    'It was a wedding ring, destined to be found in a cheap hotel, lost in a kitchen sink, or thrown in a wishing well' - Marillion, Clutching at Straws, 1987

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    5,638

    Re: As good as it gets .

    In the absence of a wood-chipper I've decided to reply. I'm not entirely sure what to say - but I will say over the last couple of years I've had my fair share of 'its not worth it if this is the future' and 'as good as it gets' (which doesn't actually feel good at all. Mine is certainly related to hormonal changes, which won't be your issue, but the end result is the same. I'm libran (I don't even agree with horoscopes and stuff so no idea why I said that lol) and one day I feel that we should accept certain parts of us as constant fighting is just draining and depressing when you don't win - but on other days I think the fight and effort must be worth it. Nobody knows the future, something can 'click' and 'change' at any point. So, in my heart I'm an optimist, I see silver linings where others don't - but at my lowest an extreme pessimist.



    So, what am I saying ? I'm not entirely sure LOl I think I'm saying that there is no harm in recognising you have had a fight today and that you've given in, feel down about it if you need to and recognise it is part of how you are NOW, but grab yourself by the whatsits and get up and push onwards afterwards as it may not be part of you in the future. There is always hope, and yes things can change. I had a period of a few years like you are in now when I was in my early 20s, I got over it and then had almost 2 decades of absolutely zilch problems at all.I couldn't have imagined back then that things would improve to the point of complete recovery. Its true about things like this making you stronger (here comes the silver lining lol) , all experiences in life negative and positive change you. I think you deserve to push onwards and not accept that this is a full-time forever situation, BUT, accepting now and again that you've had a bad day and this is part of you won't do any harm. Blah blah......making no sense etc.....

    ---------- Post added at 19:29 ---------- Previous post was at 19:28 ----------

    Besides you are literally THE FUNNIEST online person I've 'met' !!!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    6,482

    Re: As good as it gets .

    How yer doin Buster?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    1,663

    Re: As good as it gets .

    Hi , sorry for the late reply Ive been on a downer and came home to more stressful problems , I really appreciate the kind comments although I don't feel I deserve them , I did write a long boring explanation of what's going on but it disappeared ( don't you just hate that ) my loss is probably your gain I do tend to go on and on .
    I'll try and come back in a better frame of mind , got to go I've been booked for a warm up act at an execution.
    Thanks thanks thanks and thanks

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Posts
    465

    Re: As good as it gets .

    Quote Originally Posted by Buster70 View Post
    I'm currently hiding from life in a tin box down the east coast , walked my dogs this evening and there isn't a soul insight hundreds of empty caravans in darkness , so it should be a place of calm with no threats but I still can't relax .
    Yesterday I took a drive to a small country town where I planned on looking though some antique/ junk shops for a few bargains , it's somthing I love to do but my unwanted freind anxiety came along for the trip , it just made it no fun , I was tensed up like a coiled spring , my lungs wouldn't operate in a normal fashion so I was constantly aware of my breathing .
    I did what I wanted to do which isn't more than some could do but as I drove back I was overcome with a sense of is this as good as it gets ? Every day a struggle to live a basic normal life , the usual intrusive thoughts popped into my head while driving, why not steer into oncoming traffic and not have to go through this shite the next day .
    It's been seven years since I boarded the crazy train and each time I've made progress towards having my old life back there has been a big knock back usually family related to keep me aboard.
    So my question to you guys ( if you are still reading and haven't thrown yourself into a woodchipper ) is it better to accept this is how I/we are now , people lose limbs , sight , hearing and adapt and carry on , I'm still living in the past how my life was then trying each day to turn the clock back , how many say I just want to feel how I used to ? .
    My mind , heart ,lungs muscles all seem to be at odds with each other there is no harmony just constant pain and tension .
    Hiding and avoiding confrontation is not me and It bothers me greatly to keep quiet when somthing is clearly wrong , not stepping up plays hard on my conscience but life is full of problems and confrontation.
    So keep on fighting what seems an impossible battle or accept this is as good as it gets ? And just make do with how things are now .
    Sorry for the depressing rant I might have cabin fever , or worse

    What is this isn't how it will always will be? No one can be sure whats around the corner. It's not fair on anyone to go through so much mental suffering. You keep on fighting, you don't what good might meet you around the corner. None of us know. Don't give up, no one is beyond recovery, don't lose hope

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    1,384

    Re: As good as it gets .

    Buster, sorry you're struggling!

    Do you fancing stealing a motorhome and fu##ing off???

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    20,429

    Re: As good as it gets .

    As good as it gets

    Reminds me of a Colin Hay song, "Beautiful World". I play it in my show. It was the last show of the first season of Scrubs. (Season 1, Episode 24... I've binged it a couple of times ).

    I've seen Colin a couple of times and I've been a fan since his Men at Work days. There's a lot of truth in his lyrics....

    All around is anger, automatic guns
    Death in large numbers, no respect for woman, or our little ones
    I tried talking to Jesus, but he just put me on hold
    Said he'd been swamped by calls this week
    And He could not shake his cold

    And still this emptiness persists
    Perhaps this is as good as it gets
    When you've given up the drink and those nasty cigarettes
    Now I leave the party early at least with no regrets
    I watch the sun as it comes up I watch it as it sets
    Yeah this is as good as it gets


    "Still this emptiness persists.... perhaps this is as good as it gets...

    Positive thoughts
    __________________
    "Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon

    The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    1,663

    Re: As good as it gets .

    Thanks maz
    Matt Ive read that you're going through your own personal hell so if you can find a Winnebago monster truck I'll quite happily nick it , I hate traffic so up and over would suit me better plus there is a lot of stuff I'd like to tare up along the way .
    Fish I you tubed the song it's pretty cool and laid back , you know on scrubs if a song like that starts someone is about to get bad new or die , stumbled on this track and don't know how Ive never heard it before but love it and can't get it out of my head , lynyrd skynyrd simple man , but this is the song Ive played most this week to try and snap out of this dark place , Tom petty , won't back down , it gives me that boost to not give up .
    I was dreading today I had to do something I felt very uncomfortable about, Saturday I noticed the roofers who are doing my daughters roof left nails all over the pavement and road which pissed me off having dogs and van , so I went over to the three blokes and asked him to clear up when he'd done each day , he scoffed at the idea I'd picked up over thirty nails so I said do you want me to f**king fetch them ? , this made me more anxous all day , so Sunday I went out to find loads more nails and my van had a flat tyre , so today I had the choice of letting it go or confronting him again , so I had him about it in the street and it occurred to me he didn't know who I was and when he realised I'm the person who decides if he gets paid 4500 today his attitude changed and he started lying about the nails falling out of his van by accident , I pointed out they were all over the pavment , down the alley and in the back garden , he kept trying to worm his way out of it then offered to pay for my new tyre if I had a reciept which I didn't , he got out his wallet and paid me for my tyre , good choice or he'd have long wait to get paid .
    I felt a weight had been lifted and had I not said anything I'd be punching myself in the face right now with a boxing glove with horse shoe in it .
    I always regret the things I don't do more than the things I do , except that bleached perm
    In the 90s
    One day at a time eh ? Cheers guys

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