As good as it gets .

[pulisa]

Well said, Carnation. We are only trying to help you, Buster. You can't carry on like this and you need to fight for your relationship if you want things to improve. You need to talk to her and not to us. We can only offer advice from afar. It's down to you to make your life more bearable and that means being able to communicate with her in a meaningful and therapeutic way.

You can do it..It'll be worth it for a happier life with your partner x

[Pamplemousse]

Can I ask PM are you on your own since losing your wife you must miss her greatly and are you finding it harder since covid , life is bloody hard .

You can ask Buster, and the answer is "yes" - it'll be eleven years at the end of next month I've sat alone in this place. I have at least stopped counting the days now, but I know 4,000 days will have passed in mid-March. As I type this, two photos I took of her in her teens flank the electric clock on the mantelpiece, and there's a photo of her by my bedside so she's the last thing I see when I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I wake up. Not long after she died there were one or two family members who thought they were being helpful in saying "you're young, you shouldn't be alone and you should think about finding someone else". When she first became gravely ill in 2008, even my mother said as much when things looked touch and go.

After a while, they could see that wasn't going to happen and such comments were no longer made - at least, not to my face. I always thought I'd never be with anyone anyway right from my early teenage years and I sometimes view Mrs. PM and I as the happiest of accidents. Don't think for a moment it was all sweetness and light here though - there were times when we really crossed swords. I did get friendly again (just friends, not a relationship) with an old flame who reappeared shortly after Mrs. PM died but to say that ended acrimoniously would be the understatement of the millennium. If nothing else, that proved two things to me: one, never go back and two, I am not suited for further relationships.

As a result the impact of Covid hasn't really made my life any different: I was always somewhat anti-social and Mrs. PM and I always preferred each other's company anyway. The major impact of Covid has been financial really, and this time around it has been my choice not to expose myself to risk: however, I went to work yesterday and they now know I'm getting jabbed and from mid-March I will be available for work again.

Hope that answers your questions, Buster.

[pulisa]

My Dad was the same when he lost my Mum relatively early. She was the only one for him and I can certainly understand how he felt. I don't think anyone ever dared suggest that he find someone else..It was unthinkable and he said he wasn't alone as he always had his memories of her with him.

[Pamplemousse]

My Dad was the same when he lost my Mum relatively early. She was the only one for him and I can certainly understand how he felt. I don't think anyone ever dared suggest that he find someone else..It was unthinkable and he said he wasn't alone as he always had his memories of her with him.

But that seems to be the modern way? Wife/husband dead? Get a replacement and don't hang about.

From my own family, the opposite to me happened with an uncle who lost his wife to cancer - her replacement appeared suspiciously quick on the scene but it is nowhere as bad as a received anecdote of someone who moved in his mistress the same day as his wife was transferred to a hospice to end her days.

[BikerMatt]

My Partner was widowed when she was twenty eight . We met three years after that. Sixteen years later still going strong.



A mate of mine was killed in a motorcycle accident in 2008 and his Partner was with someone else within months saying "I'm no good on my own".

Now I'm fourty seven, I don't think I'd be looking at starting again.

All the best to you Pamplemouse and I hope things get better and work out for you Buster.