Hi all , haven’t felt good for a while but the last week has been a real mixed bag , so to bore you all to sleep I thought I’d tell you about it (please do not drive or operate machinery after reading my thread it may cause drowsiness) , last week I felt awful mentally and physically but bills need paying so I have to go out and earn a crust , I had to see a buddy to make a deal and pick up a van load of heavy items , not easy when you can’t breathe or concentrate, i bluff my way through these things making up excuses for my state , I dropped off the first load and returned for more , on my return my mate had nipped out so I sat in the van outside waiting , it’s only a small village and everyone knows each other so they know I’m not a local , so while sat there three women come waking up the road one is laughing then comes to my window, she says my mask frightened her ( not my ugly mug the mask on my passenger seat ) we chat and she catches her frends up , my mate pulls up and says “ she’s got that thing where she can’t leave the house “ agoraphobia I say , “ yeah her mates are helping her gradually go out , I think my god they walk among us , and by they I mean us , she didn’t know I was nuttier than a squirrels lunch box and I didn’t know she was , also my mate probably doesn’t know about me either .
so driving home I get to thinking we should have a secret hand shake or wink to let other sufferers we are one of them , just then I pull up at the lights and a woman crosses with a dog , on the dog is a yellow harness with the word ANXIOUS, we can say our dogs are anxious but the other end of the lead is a no go , maybe and rubber wristband with anxious? .
Anyway the next day I felt rotten so I booked my asthma review but by the morning I felt worse and thought I need to see the Doc instead , while fretting over wether to cancel the review and see the doc phone in hand ( I can’t make decisions when I’m like this ) my phone rings , I answer and it’s the Doctors to say my asthma nurse is ill would I like to see the Doc instead, weird weird weird .
so saw the Doc and he was about ten , I kept looking at his rucksack thinking has he got a Spider-Man lunchbox in there , but he was nice , did listen and said he was desperate to help me but his choices were limited as I won’t take antidepressants , my lungs and stats were ok , he said something no doc has said before “ maybe you could accept this is how you are now “ it is , I am .
driving home with the music turned up to drown out the voices in my head ( I don’t really hear voices ) (yes you do ) ( we’ ll agree to disagree) ( no we won’t) where was I ? Music playing and feeling better for taking to someone I agree with him this is me now , I have ok days and horrible days but while I still have days then I have hope , in the last seven days I’ve had two where I felt ok and I made the most of these days getting stuff done and wearing myself out but in a good way .
If by some miracle you are still reading I’ll introduce you to my new mate , he looked down on his luck so I took him home , partner wasn’t happy and the dogs hate him , even my neighbor looked over the fence while I was putting a shirt on him and asked his name , I said Derick and he said you have a weird sense of humour , ain’t that the truth .
meet Derick .